Rls1994
13-12-12, 04:42
I cannot cope with this awful life of mine anymore. Everyday I struggle to get through the day because I'm constantly feeling 'unwell' physically and emotionally.. Tonight I've been feeling deathly nauseous which has made everything worse as I have a phobia of vomiting and I FEEL like vomiting.. I also have some health issue that doctors cannot recognise or anything. I'm depressed because I, and no one else knows what I have... It makes me worse because this health issue makes me feel as if I'm about to throw up, but I never do. It doesn't matter, I still HATE it as it's awfully uncomfortable! People suggest Acid Reflux but I just don't know! As far as I'm concerned, my stupid brain is just stopping me from throwing up! I get a vomit taste in my mouth often from trying to burp, so it just convinces me even more that it's vomit trying to come up! I cannot calm down and I'm trying my very hardest not to cry so that my parents don't hear me..
Everyone, including my doctor thinks it's all anxiety related when I know it's not!!
As if that isn't bad enough, I'm having issues with my boyfriend which I won't babble on about as I'm sure no one cares.
I'm wishing I was normal like my Mum and my sis who doesn't have health issues or whatever and as selfish as it sounds I'm also jealous of them... They get through everyday without feeling nauseous and whatever and I just think 'I WISH I was like you!'
Unfortunately for my poor Dad, he has asthma, arthritis, weak oesophagus, and bad lungs yet he copes and I'm sat here complaining about something like this! I feel so pathetic and useless! If I didn't have this 'health issue' I would be better by what, 95%? Also, since it's the main cause of my nausea, I would be so much better if it was gone. I don't know, I think I have Acid Reflux, but I'm not sure?? If you want to know anymore details then let me know.
I'm wishing I was never even born, then I wouldn't have grown up into a failure like I am! I'm thinking of overdosing or something, but I just don't want anyone to know about it! I don't want my parents worried sick/depressed over me or anything so what can I do?? I'm SO sorry for ranting, acting like a big baby and you having to read all this crap but I just can't cope anymore!
Everyone, including my doctor thinks it's all anxiety related when I know it's not!!
As if that isn't bad enough, I'm having issues with my boyfriend which I won't babble on about as I'm sure no one cares.
I'm wishing I was normal like my Mum and my sis who doesn't have health issues or whatever and as selfish as it sounds I'm also jealous of them... They get through everyday without feeling nauseous and whatever and I just think 'I WISH I was like you!'
Unfortunately for my poor Dad, he has asthma, arthritis, weak oesophagus, and bad lungs yet he copes and I'm sat here complaining about something like this! I feel so pathetic and useless! If I didn't have this 'health issue' I would be better by what, 95%? Also, since it's the main cause of my nausea, I would be so much better if it was gone. I don't know, I think I have Acid Reflux, but I'm not sure?? If you want to know anymore details then let me know.
I'm wishing I was never even born, then I wouldn't have grown up into a failure like I am! I'm thinking of overdosing or something, but I just don't want anyone to know about it! I don't want my parents worried sick/depressed over me or anything so what can I do?? I'm SO sorry for ranting, acting like a big baby and you having to read all this crap but I just can't cope anymore!