How can I make my Mum & Dad believe in me?

[molly84]

I'm 27 and I've suffered from panic attacks and anxiety since I started secondary school at 11.

For 6 or 7 years it was a struggle to go out the house, but now I am able to hold down a regular job, I am taking qualifications and doing fairly well. I accept it will always be a part of me and sometimes it's a struggle still but I have come further than I ever thought I would.

I still live with a parents but would love to buy my own house. It is a very scary thought and of course I have my doubts about, but I think it is the next step for me at this stage of my life. My parents are dead set against it, I feel like they don't believe I would be able to cope with it. They keep putting so many hurdles in my way that it's making me doubt myself. Without their support I don't know if I can do it.

How can I make them see that this is something I need to do? I want them to be involved and play a part of it, but more than anything I need them to believe in me.

[Annie0904]

I think you should discuss this with your parents and tell them how you feel. Maybe if you compromise by living close by to them. At 27 though I guess you have to do what feels best for you.

[BobbyDog]

Your parents wrap you in cotton wool because they love you, as you know. They need to give you your independence and allow you to grow as an adult. It could work out to be the best move you ever make, if not, they will be there to support you if your plans fail. We all make mistakes in life, we are only human and most of the time we learn valuable lessons when things don't work out according to our plans. This all adds to the rich tapestry of life.
Let them know that you are strong enough to make the move, you are financially able to support yourself, but most of all you are an adult. Tell them that you are sure this is the right think for you to do with your life at this moment in time.

[Col]

Hi Molly, I purchased well , through mortgage, my first house at 20. Although i wasnt suffering with anxiety at this time ,i was pregnant which prompted this! By your age I was pregnant with my second child & now 31 , have my third house but......
In between, we stepped off the property ladder and it's taken 5 years to get back on it. I think perhaps you should save for a deposit and then go ahead. I wouldn't leave it late , its changed & it's tough out there on the housing front. I think parents also deep down, parents never really want their kids to move out and if they have a reason to hold on to u, they will do. Ahh bless them, they are only looking after u and also genuinely may worry about your ability to cope. But I would start making moves to get a place , it won't happen over night anyway, it's a long process , look at my situation, 5 years inbetween with the in laws. But at 30 that's a good age and I think, its the national average age in the UK, that most individuals now buy their own place. So don't rush, but do plan for your future.

All the best:emot-highfive:

[mikewales]

Why not rent somewhere for 6 - 12 months first, that will show your parents you can cope away from home, and give you more of an idea of what it will be like to live away. There are a lot of extra pressures when you own your own place, but it should go some way to proving to them you can manage

[Sparkle1984]

I agree with Mike - it's probably best to rent a place first before you commit to buying a property. Then you will see if you will be able to cope living on your own, without being tied to a mortgage. If you don't like it, you can always move back with your parents.

I think you are brave - I am around your age but I wouldn't want to live on my own.

[Tessar]

hey molly, i can understand your frustration here..... i mean, as you say you've come further than you ever thought you would. That's brilliant - clearly you have self-belief which is excellent. It's a positive & logical step thinking about buying your own house. In practical terms what you can do is lots & lots of research & figure work because getting a mortgage is a big step for anyone. Also I think the advice below is really good. Renting is a good alternative & as annie says living near your parents too. I wasnt far from home & my mother & I did stuff to my house & garden that was practical but fun too. My place is no palace but it's home & I like having my own front door so I can see where you are coming from.
Before I managed to leave home (I was older than you coz i couldnt afford it, so age is immaterial here) i worked on exactly what it would cost to live, right into fine detail. That way i knew i'd be ok & it gave me the confidence to take the step. Alot of people dont do this homework properly & that's why they struggle. Of course some months money was tight but here i am decades down the line & I managed it.
As regards your parents, of course i dont know the whole picture but maybe they like having you at home or perhaps they're being over-protective. perhaps this protectiveness comes across as them not believing in you. As Col said parents wrap you in cotton wool because they love you. Anyway.... from my angle, just from reading your achievements over the last few years....I would believe in you :-) Also as regards your parents believing in you.... although its rewarding to hear them say supportive things, sometimes you dont actually have to hear it said by anyone else. Its quite important to believe in yourself and I feel that you do. I know my parents struggle to say supportive things to me, they dont mean not to be positive but its in their make-up to be negative so they find it hard. I dont think they were given much praise when they grew up so unfortunately they arent very good at expressing themselves. A couple of years after I moved out, They upped sticks & left the area so i know for sure my mum was really pleased when she saw me settled but i dont remember her saying it.
Maybe if you keep researching it - have facts & figures you can show your parents, they'll see you are serious about it. This will help them come across to your way of thinking. Its a difficult step for anyone so obviously a bit of support wouldnt go amiss..... so hopefully they'll work with you on it. Actually, if they didnt change their standpoint, that isnt the end. If you feel confident about doing it & everything stacks up money wise, you dont actually have to have them behind you. Clearly though its best to have them on your sdie so Keep the lines of communication open with them despite the frustrations & I look forward to hearing more soon.

[molly84]

Thanks for all the replies, some really good advice. I actually went to the back today and saw a mortgage adviser. She helped me figure out what I'd be able to borrow and what I could expect my repayments to be. I'm hoping that if I can show my parents I'm serious and have really thought about it and researched it then it will help get them on my side.

Thank again for all the advice.

[R.Barratt]

Hello molly84 :)

I wanted to post a reply as I feel we are very similar. I have also suffered with anxiety for. Many years and have lived on my own since I was 16 I am now 18. But anyway I don't think you're parents don't believe in you I think they are probably just scared of letting someone they love go. As they love you and will worry as that's what parents do :) but if it is something you want to do its important that you stay strong and don't let theire niggling critisisms get to you you need to believe in yourself. Good luck. If you want any advice you can always private message me xxx