MommyatHome
13-12-12, 22:42
Hello all, my name is Tara, I'm 30 years old and I've been suffering with anxiety since it started suddenly when I was 15. At that time the symptoms were purely physical; mainly nausea and dizziness whenever I left the house, getting worse until I got home and started to feel better, although it never completely went away, I always felt a little sick. This lead me, a normally shy, introverted teenager to become what my parents saw as rebellious, refusing to go to work or school, I also insisted they take me to doctor after doctor, I was so sure something was wrong medically. Needless to say, all of the medical tests were normal, frustrating me even further. After about a year of pure hell mentally and physically for me including constant fights with my parents, I moved out, with their blessing. At this time I became almost completely agorophobic, I couldn't even drive the 7 blocks to my parents house. I would go days or even weeks without leaving my tiny efficiency apartment. About this time my niece was born and I decided that I would do anything to be a part of her life, so I agreed to start Paxil. Within weeks there was major change, I could go to Walmart, I could go to my parents and my sisters house, and when I was at home I felt normal. It was a Godsend. I still had panic attacks and there was a lot I couldn't do, but I had tranquilizers (klonopin and Xanax) for the big ones, and ever since then I've been fairly happy, I've had ups and downs, when I was pregnant my anxiety was very bad but I lived with my mom and she did all the shopping etc so I got through it, and a few months after he was born I was back to normal, when he was 18 months old I even packed him up and moved us across the country and did fine! My point is, even though my anxiety never goes away, and I have ups and downs, for the last 13 years I've been self sufficient. A couple months ago, I had a REALLY bad panic attack while picking my son up from church, a few days later I had another major attack while grocery shopping. I rarely had these big attacks so to have 2 in a week scared me, and I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. After a short visit, he prescribed risperdal and topamax. I looked up both of these medicines and didn't see how they would help my anxiety, but decided to trust the doctor. The side effects were horrible, I slept good at night, but felt so drugged during the day I couldn't function as a parent, I even fell down the stairs once and felt drunk when I was driving. The second week I had all of those symptoms but the anxiety returned with a vengeance. It was constant, even at home. I tried several times going to the store but had to walk out every time. The panic was debilitating with nausea and head spins. I decided to wean myself first off risperdal, and then topamax. It's been about a week and a half, I'm currently on my old meds; celexa 40 mg, klonopin 1 mg in the morning and at night and Xanax as needed. My anxiety is constant even at home but is low level, but I can't go anywhere! I've had to order everything I can online, my mom gets my groceries, so all I have to do is take my son to and from school, his school is close, but it's becoming nearly impossible! I worry all night about driving him to school and I worry all day about picking him up. Basically my question to you all is do you think this is temporary? I'm hoping my body is just getting used to all the medication changes and in a few weeks ill be back to normal! I'm getting really depressed and feel like a horrible parent right now, any thoughts/suggestions would be much appreciated! Thanks for reading my very long post!