Any free hugs for the noobie?

[Alanis]

Hi guys!


I'm so glad I found this place!

I recently moved to the UK and I've been looking for some kind of support system for a while now.

Here's a little bit of my background: About a year ago there was a long chain of tragic events in my family and the panic attacks started shortly after. Now I can't help but feel like there is this constant feeling of impending doom just looming over my head. Generally speaking, I've managed to keep the attacks under control for months now, but it takes a lot of my energy to fight them off. I find that good support systems help much more than drugs, although whenever I've consulted a doctor or psychiatrist, the first thing they do is try to prescribe me more stuff!

My panic attacks mainly arise in public transportation, although enclosed spaces such as movies, lectures and interviews can also provoke them. Since I have to use public transportation at least 2 hours a day, you can imagine how much anxiety one can accumulate in that time. Most of the time it helps just knowing that I have some tranquilizer medication with me, although I haven't needed to use them in a long time now. It's a strange case of placebo effect really?

The main reason why I really need some sort of support system is, that nowadays most of the time I simply overbook my schedule so I don't have to think about all my problems. Naturally, that's not good because all the mental issues arise as some sort of physiological symptoms instead and I know I have to somehow deal with those before it get's worse.

Okay, that was perhaps an unnecessarily long post. :blush:

[Brunette]

Hello Alanis,

You sound as if you are coping quite well and I think you are right to be cautious about any doctor that wants to increase your medication. You know that your panic attacks were triggered by family events. Believe me when I say that this sort of thing is normal, it's part of grief and it's what makes us human. Medication should only be a short term solution to help you get over the very worst of it.

It sounds as if your meds work best just by being available to take if you need them. That's a really good thing and what you probably need to work towards is coming off them completely. You'll need to discuss it with your doctor though - perhaps even a different one from the one you've been seeing.

[nomorepanic]

Hi Alanis

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Sparkle1984]

Welcome to the forums Alanis! :) I'm sure you'll find plenty of support here.

Where did you come from originally? Do you have many friends/relatives in the UK who can support you?

[Annie0904]

Hi Alanis :welcome: :hugs::hugs:

[Alanis]

Thank you so much for the replies! They are much appreciated! :)

Sparkle1984, I'm originally from Finland but my family has lived a bit all over the world, so I'm quite used to erratic changes of scenery (although I am sure the lack of consistency in my life has at least a little bit to do with all these anxieties). The move is one of the reasons I've been having problems lately, I used to go to a support group at least once a week (sometimes three times) when I was in Finland, but I've had a really hard time locating one in London (and that's just silly because London is undoubtedly filled with them). I have some family in here, so I am, thankfully, not alone.

I'm currently doing my Master's degree here and one of the reasons for my move was the persisting unsolvable problems in my family life. My mother was struggling with gambling debts and a depression, both which she was entirely unwilling to deal with. Hell, I can't possibly know if she is still gambling. I tried well over six months to encourage her to get help, get hobbies and get friends, but she would only leave the house to go to work.

At some point my own mental health couldn't deal with any of it anymore, so now I've stopped trying to obsessively fix her problems and concentrated on fixing my own instead. My father, on the other hand, lives in Thailand and he is an ex-alcoholic with severe narcissistic tendencies.

That's why I find that my greatest challenge in the past year has been trying to figure out where the line between crazy and reality is drawn, and I just need other people's stories and experiences to help me do that. Sometimes it just seems like such an incredibly impossible task to overcome!

I really do want to go off the meds, but I have to say, I'm quite scared of what will happen if I do!

[Annie0904]

Alanis I would speak to a doctor before coming off meds and also he will be able to advise you on other support available such as CBT which I think will help you. You seem to have gone through quite a lot :hugs::hugs:

[Sparkle1984]

It does sound like you have been through a lot, especially with your family problems. Which medication are you on, and do you think they are no longer helping you as much?
I'd recommend going back to your doctor and seeing what they suggest.

[blue October]

:bighug: :grouphug:

[Alanis]

I'm currently on Citalopram 20mg a day and I think they're working as well as they ever did. To be honest, I sincerely think the medication was never as effective as the support groups. I remember when I went to see the psychiatrist after the attacks started, he told me the meds would start working in two weeks and everything was going to be alright after that. I knew it wasn't, because the problem wasn't physiological, and I asked him where I could get help or support, and he couldn't give me even ONE useful starting place! If I had waited for the two weeks for the medication to kick in with just using my tranquilizers, I would most likely be severely hooked on those. (When the attacks started I couldn't leave the house without hyperventilating and crying). To say the least, it was as close to rock bottom as one can get...

It was never my intention to be on long term medication, but the few times I've forgotten to take the meds, I've actually had severe withdrawals in the form of arising panic and difficulty in breathing, so once I do quit, I'm going to take it snail pace.

[Magic]

Sending you hugs Alanis:hugs::hugs::hugs:xx

[Mark13]

Welcome to the forum, Alanis.

:hugs::hugs:

[ElizabethJane]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Dear Newbie sending hugs. EJxxx

[Tessar]

Hi Alanis. I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through & with such a huge challenge in your life, it's no wonder everything's been taking it's toll. It not a pleasant place to be when you're close to rock bottom but I'm glad that your meds are working as well as they ever did. Maybe for now that's an indicator to stay with them - but as Annie said, you do need to speak to a doctor before coming off meds. I think most people dont intend to be on long term but it can take time to resolve issues in your life so in the meantime it's best not to stop them. When the time is right, you are correct in saying about coming off them at a snails pace.
Also as Annie said, a doctor could have valuable advisc on other support available such as CBT. I have been through CBT & found it very helpful indeed. You can gain an insight into so much and it gives you skills to help you shake off the past & move forward in a positive way. For someone in your situation I am sure it would be most beneficial. It could unpick so much of the baggage that your family have left you with. I dont think parents set out to do these things but somehow it just doesnt work out very well sometimes.
Thinking about your parents, wow, they havent really been there for you have they? Again that is very tough indeed, I cant imagine how hard it must have been (and still must be sometimes). It was brave & selfless of you to encourage your mother to get help especially as it took it out of you. But sadly as you know, for some people change is not possible. At least, not until they are able to acknowledge they have a problem. It took me decades longer than you to realise I had to let go of changing my own mother's shortcomings. I dont like that it was necessary to give up on that, but my parter & friends helped me see that I coudnt change her. Ultimately she had chosen to live her life in the way she did. I had wished for things to be different as I wanted a meaningful relationship with her, but it wasnt to be.
As you say, a lack of consistency in your life will have a connection to your anxieties. I'm really impressed that you made the decision to concentrate on fixing your own problems. It sounds like you have already won many battles. The support group sounds like it was really good, perhaps soon you'll have some luck in finding a suitable one over here. Change is so difficult to cope with but you are doing well. Perhaps it would be beneficial to look into CBT? It really can make a huge difference.
By the way, you must be clever being at uni, its a credit to you that you are still doing positive things with your life. What subject is your Master's degree in? Bye for now & hope to hear more soon.