kayj44
15-12-12, 19:30
Hello everyone,
My name is Kelsey and I'm 15.
Firstly, I'd like to express my thankfulness to the staff and people who have created and run this site. I've had all sorts of anxiety management problems and health anxiety/phobias since I was 7 and my panic attacks started appearing when I was 11. My first depersonalization/derealization episode occurred when I was 13-14. I managed to get over it after a month full of hard work and distractions. Things have been quiet ever since.
Two weeks ago, I was awakened by a really bizarre and life-like nightmare. I was shivering and shaking violently, muscles twitching and teeth chattering. I was fully conscious but awfully terrified. I went into my mom's bedroom, seeking for help, she made me some tea and I managed to cope myself eventually after 15 minutes. It felt as if I was battling against the dream-like sensations again. It scared me to death.
However, the day before my nightmare I had received my grades and despite my tremendous disappointment and sadness -caused by the grades- I went to bed at 4:30 am, and I remember waking up at 5 because of the nightmare.
Ever since then, things have changed dramatically, it's like I can't even recognize myself anymore. I had no appetite for 3 days -my mom thought it was the flu- strikes of depersonalization and fear followed by moodswings or lack of emotion as well as shivering/shaking and muscle twitching all over. I was truly worried. I thought it was depression at first but I'm a really positive, excitable and happy person -apart from my anxiety- in general. It's really cold were I live (Denmark) and I moved this year so my body does not seem to receive enough sunlight. Thus I discovered the SAD topic (Seasonal Affective Disorder). It surprisingly made me feel better. "It's okay, I'll get over this seasonal depression!" I thought, I also went on a school trip last Friday and I tried not to pay attention to the moodswings and the depersonalization issues and it truly felt as if I was starting to get better.
On Saturday however, I went to bed at 4 am (again.) I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep but I then began to experience this queer falling sensation (I can't even fully describe the feeling) or as if I was detached from my own body. I quickly opened my eyes, breathed in and out and tried to fall asleep again, it happened once more. I decided to ignore it so I fell asleep with no shakiness or nightmares.
The next day I woke up feeling rather weird, slight head pressure accompanied by a dim tension headache. And there I was! On google, checking for brain tumor symptoms right away, and checking my condition every 5 seconds. "Weird headache? check! Nausea....hm check I think? Head pressure? check! Personality changes? check" and so on so forth. And that was it, that's kind of how my "paranoia" started. I told my parents, -they laughed. my grandparents from both sides are dentists and doctors- ignored their attempts to calm me down, forced them to make a doctor appointment. Side note here: I had somehow archieved to hold onto MY own symptoms and decline all the other ones. Although my brain turned it all around for me. Shortly after that I began to have more severe anxiety symptoms, and here comes the shaking again, here goes the constant head pressure "what? OH GOD I CAN'T CONCENTRATE TOO MUCH HEAD PRESSURE, I CAN'T READ CAUSE I'M THINKING ABOUT HOW I CAN'T READ. OH THERE I MESSED UP ONE LETTER. I CAN'T WRITE!" Lights were too bright, situations were too unreal, that one continues annoying feeling of somewhat dizziness like walking on a boat which drove me crazy and caused me to think about all the possible scenarios of fainting in school, being unconscious, etc. etc.
I had the chance to eventually "visit" the doctor who assured me that's it just anxiety and that it could be caused by a number of reasons, NOT A BRAIN TUMOR. The problem with my family doctor is of course, that he's a FAMILY DOCTOR not a neurologist. I asked him whether it'be more accurate if I visited a neurologist, instead he just handed me a note with a phone number written on it: "It's a psychologist" he said.
I was happy. "Alright, lets get over this, the doctor said it and my mom can't take it anymore!" I told myself but my dizziness returned. And other possible signs of anxiety occurred such as, this lower head pressure everyday, dry mouth with a "bitter" taste, the bright lights, the depersonalization, a weird sensation of possible hearing problems (SURPRISE! SURPRISE! Brain tumor symptom) and there I go again, drowning in my depression, searching for answers on google "Brain Tumor is not a common disease" "yeah right, what if that percent is me. " My ears felt stuffed and nose too, a weird feeling in my throat and the vertigo that comes and goes. My mom thinks I might have an early ear infection and my consciousness can't help but agree since there's snow everywhere and my symptoms started increasing shortly after that school trip, I was not dressed all that warmly and it was really and I mean REALLY cold.
Here's the catch: My subconsciousness disagrees! It keeps on alarming me, "OH! OH! your symptoms are worse now" "can you feel the taste of this chocolate? CAN YOU NOW? OH YOU CAN'T? BRAIN TUMOR!" For God's Sake! I woke up in the morning today, literally feeling like crap, I felt lightheaded and as if my ears were stuffed, as if I had fever, and it was hard to talk. There goes another panic attack. There I go searching up the symptoms, confirming my worst fears that have no end and I feel like crap now. LITERALLY. I feel all shaky, I feel as if it's hard to read, tingling in my thumb, right hand, right leg. Teeth chattering, trouble swallowing, checking my condition every 5 minutes. Lack of concentration therefore hard to remember things, I even thought I had lost the feeling of taste an hour ago!
WHAT IS THIS? I feel like I need to RUN to the neurologist right now, brain tumor, nerves, something wrong! I want this to stop!
*note: I've always been a really healthy person, for all I know I don't even get sick/cold easily. I don't drink, in fact I hate alcohol, I don't smoke, and heck, no drugs indeed! I've always been active and I'm positive and happy about my life. I just need help!
My name is Kelsey and I'm 15.
Firstly, I'd like to express my thankfulness to the staff and people who have created and run this site. I've had all sorts of anxiety management problems and health anxiety/phobias since I was 7 and my panic attacks started appearing when I was 11. My first depersonalization/derealization episode occurred when I was 13-14. I managed to get over it after a month full of hard work and distractions. Things have been quiet ever since.
Two weeks ago, I was awakened by a really bizarre and life-like nightmare. I was shivering and shaking violently, muscles twitching and teeth chattering. I was fully conscious but awfully terrified. I went into my mom's bedroom, seeking for help, she made me some tea and I managed to cope myself eventually after 15 minutes. It felt as if I was battling against the dream-like sensations again. It scared me to death.
However, the day before my nightmare I had received my grades and despite my tremendous disappointment and sadness -caused by the grades- I went to bed at 4:30 am, and I remember waking up at 5 because of the nightmare.
Ever since then, things have changed dramatically, it's like I can't even recognize myself anymore. I had no appetite for 3 days -my mom thought it was the flu- strikes of depersonalization and fear followed by moodswings or lack of emotion as well as shivering/shaking and muscle twitching all over. I was truly worried. I thought it was depression at first but I'm a really positive, excitable and happy person -apart from my anxiety- in general. It's really cold were I live (Denmark) and I moved this year so my body does not seem to receive enough sunlight. Thus I discovered the SAD topic (Seasonal Affective Disorder). It surprisingly made me feel better. "It's okay, I'll get over this seasonal depression!" I thought, I also went on a school trip last Friday and I tried not to pay attention to the moodswings and the depersonalization issues and it truly felt as if I was starting to get better.
On Saturday however, I went to bed at 4 am (again.) I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep but I then began to experience this queer falling sensation (I can't even fully describe the feeling) or as if I was detached from my own body. I quickly opened my eyes, breathed in and out and tried to fall asleep again, it happened once more. I decided to ignore it so I fell asleep with no shakiness or nightmares.
The next day I woke up feeling rather weird, slight head pressure accompanied by a dim tension headache. And there I was! On google, checking for brain tumor symptoms right away, and checking my condition every 5 seconds. "Weird headache? check! Nausea....hm check I think? Head pressure? check! Personality changes? check" and so on so forth. And that was it, that's kind of how my "paranoia" started. I told my parents, -they laughed. my grandparents from both sides are dentists and doctors- ignored their attempts to calm me down, forced them to make a doctor appointment. Side note here: I had somehow archieved to hold onto MY own symptoms and decline all the other ones. Although my brain turned it all around for me. Shortly after that I began to have more severe anxiety symptoms, and here comes the shaking again, here goes the constant head pressure "what? OH GOD I CAN'T CONCENTRATE TOO MUCH HEAD PRESSURE, I CAN'T READ CAUSE I'M THINKING ABOUT HOW I CAN'T READ. OH THERE I MESSED UP ONE LETTER. I CAN'T WRITE!" Lights were too bright, situations were too unreal, that one continues annoying feeling of somewhat dizziness like walking on a boat which drove me crazy and caused me to think about all the possible scenarios of fainting in school, being unconscious, etc. etc.
I had the chance to eventually "visit" the doctor who assured me that's it just anxiety and that it could be caused by a number of reasons, NOT A BRAIN TUMOR. The problem with my family doctor is of course, that he's a FAMILY DOCTOR not a neurologist. I asked him whether it'be more accurate if I visited a neurologist, instead he just handed me a note with a phone number written on it: "It's a psychologist" he said.
I was happy. "Alright, lets get over this, the doctor said it and my mom can't take it anymore!" I told myself but my dizziness returned. And other possible signs of anxiety occurred such as, this lower head pressure everyday, dry mouth with a "bitter" taste, the bright lights, the depersonalization, a weird sensation of possible hearing problems (SURPRISE! SURPRISE! Brain tumor symptom) and there I go again, drowning in my depression, searching for answers on google "Brain Tumor is not a common disease" "yeah right, what if that percent is me. " My ears felt stuffed and nose too, a weird feeling in my throat and the vertigo that comes and goes. My mom thinks I might have an early ear infection and my consciousness can't help but agree since there's snow everywhere and my symptoms started increasing shortly after that school trip, I was not dressed all that warmly and it was really and I mean REALLY cold.
Here's the catch: My subconsciousness disagrees! It keeps on alarming me, "OH! OH! your symptoms are worse now" "can you feel the taste of this chocolate? CAN YOU NOW? OH YOU CAN'T? BRAIN TUMOR!" For God's Sake! I woke up in the morning today, literally feeling like crap, I felt lightheaded and as if my ears were stuffed, as if I had fever, and it was hard to talk. There goes another panic attack. There I go searching up the symptoms, confirming my worst fears that have no end and I feel like crap now. LITERALLY. I feel all shaky, I feel as if it's hard to read, tingling in my thumb, right hand, right leg. Teeth chattering, trouble swallowing, checking my condition every 5 minutes. Lack of concentration therefore hard to remember things, I even thought I had lost the feeling of taste an hour ago!
WHAT IS THIS? I feel like I need to RUN to the neurologist right now, brain tumor, nerves, something wrong! I want this to stop!
*note: I've always been a really healthy person, for all I know I don't even get sick/cold easily. I don't drink, in fact I hate alcohol, I don't smoke, and heck, no drugs indeed! I've always been active and I'm positive and happy about my life. I just need help!