I don't want to die abroad

[BlueNowhere]

The topic title sums up how I feel...

A couple of years ago I went to Asia. Almost every night I spent lying awake, wishing I could go home, worrying that for some reason or another some awfully dark thing would happen.

I said I'd never go that far away from home again. I'm fine travelling to Europe.

After a lot of pleading, my girlfriend convinced me to spend New Year with her in Asia. I refused last year, but having started SSRIs and some changes in my behaviour I thought I might be able to do it. So I agreed. I even discussed it with my doctor and we modified my prescription.

And I've been looking forward to it - I like to see and experience new things; we've got some nice things planned.

Then yesterday I started packing. As soon as the first shirt was in my suitcase I pretty much seized up, feeling sick and scared. It's terrifying to think that I'm going to end up stuck the other side of the world, if anything happens I'll be in completely unfamiliar territory, no control or understanding of the things around me. I keep having thoughts that the worst will happen.

And this is without even thinking about the closed space of an airplane full of strangers, spending a month in the same bed as my girlfriend (we live alone - I appreciate time to myself), inevitable d&v and overbearing heat.

Does anyone have any friendly advice or techniques for overcoming this sort of anxiety?

I thought I would be fine but to be hit by this anxiety feels now isn't good. I'm too late to see my doctor or the mental health unit. I've asked for an appointment with my institution's counselor but I don't think they'll have a spot before I leave.

I mainly joined so that I could say this to people who might be able to relate. My girlfriend knows I get anxious about some things, but I don't think she fully gets it.

[Emphyrio]

Firstly, congratulations for deciding to go - facing up to your fears is the best thing you can do for anxiety issues, as then you can 'test' them out. Next time, making a journey half way round the world won't be quite so bad!

You say you have been taking SSRIs - How stable are you on them, and when did you have the modification to your prescription? I ask because if it was only recently, your brain may still need some time to adjust to them, and this can bring on some additional anxiety.

I can relate to your situation - there are quite a few things I've worried about, mostly to do with driving and going somewhere unfamiliar. You should try to look at things rationally - has the worst ever happened in situations in the past? If the answer is no, then ask yourself why you think the worst will happen this time. Chances are, once you get there, you'll wonder why you worried in the first place :)

Most importantly - enjoy yourself over there!

[BlueNowhere]

I started taking citalopram about a year ago and worked my way up to 40mg, eventually settling at 30mg. I saw a marked improvement in my OCD behaviour.

It was 4 months ago that I discussed the trip with my GP and she suggested we try sertaline as I wanted to reduce the "background" anxiety that I expect to experience on a day-to-day basis whilst I'm abroad. I'd say I'm stable with sertaline now, I certainly remember my first few weeks on citalopram and I went through that initial side-effect phase much quicker. I also have propranolol and more diazepam to address panic attacks themselves.


You're right of course - my last trip to Asia was good, and the plans we have for New Year should be highly enjoyable - I put time and effort into planning a diving trip and various other things. It confuses me so much that I feel so sick about it now. My anxiety has never seemed to have a rational basis - I once had an attack when I lost a felt tip pen!

[BlueNowhere]

An update on this.. I've now begun my journey. Left my house alone for a month! :unsure:

Anyway, I'm fairly pleased now - my biggest concern is the weight of luggage. I also took out a travel insurance policy, and even though it cost extra, it seems OCD/anxiety are valid reasons for claiming on the policy. So that's eased my feelings somewhat about freaking out and feeling like I can't come home. I just hope this feeling lasts!

[Sparkle1984]

An update on this.. I've now begun my journey. Left my house alone for a month! :unsure:

Anyway, I'm fairly pleased now - my biggest concern is the weight of luggage. I also took out a travel insurance policy, and even though it cost extra, it seems OCD/anxiety are valid reasons for claiming on the policy. So that's eased my feelings somewhat about freaking out and feeling like I can't come home. I just hope this feeling lasts!

That's good - I hope you enjoy your holiday. :)