Unsure what to do

[alexalexalex]

I suffer from anxiety and depression.
I wouldn't say that I have it bad although I do contemplate suicide on a weekly basis. The thing which has always stopped me from acting on these thoughts was that I didn't want to upset my friends and family. Recently I've ended up thinking that they would understand, meaning now I have nothing preventing me. I go through weeks where I'm fine but then other weeks I begin to make plans. I really don't enjoy life anymore and I feel like I'm just waiting for my life to pass.
I don't want to go to the doctors. I was prescribed citalopram for my anxiety before. This didn't help at all and I ended up getting withdrawal symptoms for weeks afterwards.
I have no idea what to do. Don't know if I should just carry on as normal and hope I begin to enjoy things more or just call it a day.

[Mark13]

You may not think you have it bad, but you have.

Depression / anxiety call it what you will, it's affecting your thought processes. Your friends would not "understand".

Suicide is never an option, my friend. I've been suicidal when I just wanted the pain in my mind to stop (depression). That was 21 years ago, I got on anti-depressants that worked for me.

You really must see your Doc ASAP. With the right help, whether that's medication or counselling you will feel better and look back at this time and wonder how you ever felt so bad and had such thoughts.

If you're really struggling, ring the Samaritans, go to A&E, I'm serious.

All the best.

[Emphyrio]

Never 'call it a day' - while at times you may feel hopeless, there are lots of things you could do to lift your mood. While it is easier said than done, exercise really helps, as does having a balanced diet including lots of coldwater fish. As for the medication - there are plenty of antidepressants out there - although you didn't respond to citalopram, it doesn't mean that this will be the same for the other medications. I know about the withdrawal symptoms (I'm experiencing them at the moment) but you can get many medications in liquid form which can enable you to taper off them gradually. Sometimes medication gives you the 'kick' you need to put other, positive plans in place - though I would also try and get talking therapy alongside the medication.