jelousy

[maximus1975]

im having a real problem with the fact that im jelous of all people around me that can go and do what they want when they want, u may well no my brother has had really really bad anxiety in the past, he has just told me he's going to the cinema tonight with mum that makes me want to cry, last week i could probally have done it but not tonight im feeling really anxious today , theres giving things a go, but then theres putting yourself under to mu pressure .
im so jelous of my brother how sad is that , they didnt even ask me as they no im going through a dodgy few days.
why have i got this mental block that stops me doing routine things ? it wasnt here last week i managed to go fishing and play some snooker ,but this week i feel totally on edge i hate it

[Col]

Been there, all these why has this happened to me , why oh why? When will I be myself, I've got kids sooo can u imagine the guilt when I can even take them to the park on a hot sunny day??? Your not alone , normal to feel envious of others completely oblivious to danger and the world of anxiety, although your brother has knowledge of this , chat to him about it, or is it that really your annoyed they've not asked u as opposed to jealously!
Keep looking forward and as Annie said on your other thread, keep thinking positive and next time/ year - that will be me!

[Annie0904]

My dad told me he used to think the same and I do too. I listen to people saying they are going out places and I think I wish I could do that. I work in a school and all my colleagues in my dept. have been on trips abroad with the kids and I can't do it because I would need someone to look after me!! We will do it though sometime soon x

[BobbyDog]

I haven't been to the cinema in about 20 years, I could not sit down for more than 15 minutes without starting to panic and getting agitated.

I get jealous of people who lead "normal" lives, all the time.

[maximus1975]

my brother does not like to talk about anxiety / panic etc at all full stop.
i cant blame him he had anxiety so bad he use to walk 25 miles during the night to try and tire himself out he is on a coctail of drugs that are working for him , he still has a massive sleep phobia if he's not in bed by 11 that could create a massive problem he has this fixasation about 11,
i locked him out the other week and he didnt wake me till 11.30 the nxt 2 hours were a nightmare he was pacing up and down the stairs like a robot thankfully he managed to get of to sleep and he was ok the next day .
so the only really person i can speak to is my mum and theres only so much she can listen to .
my stress buster course tried to teach me not to seak reassurance from people close to me and find the answers myself.
im not annoyed they didnt ask me to join then there was probally 2 reasons 1 i only came out of hospitol on thursday
and 2 mum no's ive not been feeling my best and probally didnt want to ask for me to get upset and say no

[Col]

Ohh I see, Ok! Just replying to your post again to provide ~ reassurance that your not the only one who goes through these motions and also, provide a different perspective ( RE: annoyed )didn't mean to offend. That's all!!!
After your response, I'm pleased for your brother, good for him !!!

[maximus1975]

col i really thankyou for your response im suffering like hell and to hear back from people like u really helps, yeh my brother has come back from hell and i guess that gives as all hope because he had 3 suicide attempts and was in a wheel chair at one point , im not jelous of him in a nasty way i just want to get back to where i was before.
booze was my best friend and gave me loads of confidence in the past but i dont drink anymore so im having to dig deep and find my own self confidence.
a new jelousy of mine is now money im totally skint as im on sick pay and owe the bank a large sum of money , so basically im jelous of all my friends , pro footballers etc etc its crazy why can i not just take it for what it is , i have a illness there not quite sure what it is there gunna be doing tests in jan , i didnt realise i was gunna get ill when i took the loan out , there must be thousands of people like me ?

[Rls1994]

Maximus, I can totally relate to you about this. I have had this for as long as I can remember. For me, it's jealous of other peoples looks and their social lives. i.e going out to clubs and stuff with their friends. So I just think 'Why can't I be like that?' or 'Why couldn't I have been born pretty like they are?' etc. I do have some self esteem issues which are bad.

To be honest, one of my reasons why I am depressed is because of how I look, along with some other issues too but that isn't relevant to this.

[maximus1975]

whenever my family go out and do something without me it kicks me in the nuts big time , i hate being in a empty house knowing there all out enjoying themselfs , this really kicked of in august when i was diagnosed with panctretitis i had to stay in bed for a couple of weeks and i havnt been the same since my anxiety levels/depression def got worse yesterday when i new they were all going cinema i got so depressed , i no i should be thinking one day ill be back doing that again but its tough at the time.
ive woke up this morning with the im a failure feelings its hammering down with rain and is gunna be a long day

[ABE1981]

Feel what your saying buddy, All gets so hard and too much, im very similar to u ihavent been the cinema, out for a meal, or anything for many years, i have 3 children and would love to be stable enough to take them on holiday, but just too panicy and suffer so bad, we went camping in 2007 first nite was ok then started having bad panic attacks and anxiety etc was through the roof, had to pack up early and drive 200 miles home made me proper ill for long time not been on holiday since, my aunty and uncle have taken my children for there holidays the last few years, and i feel awfull and ashamed when they go!! Jealousy is terrible to live with you look at other people that dont even know what anxiety etc is! let alone how awfull it is and what strain it puts on an individual, they can do anything go out, run busines,s, have holidays, meals out, etc without even thinking about it and enjoy every minute of it while there doing it, and it leaves you thinking why are some people so lucky and others punished in such a way. I often think back to before when i started with all this in 2004 and remember how good life was back then when i could do anything compared to now, But as long as we keep fighting we,ll get there in the end!:)

[maximus1975]

will we ever get there though that is the question ? ive benn battling this for a very long time now, when i was a drinker that bought confidence even the next day as i could do what i wanted when i wanted, now i dont drink at all , my confidence has gone to pieces , i no for a fact if i went back to moderate drinking my confidence would return and id be back to normal, but i dont wanna do that as it will raise my cholestrol and possibly give me pancretitis again.
tonight all my family have gone out for fish and chips and late night shopping and u guesssed it im stuck at home with tears running down my face

[ABE1981]

I know what your saying, but the drinks not the answer its only a temporary fix i learnt the hard way my mum had severe anxiety etc all the time i was growing up, she hit the drink heavy in 2006 and january 2009 she passed away in intensive care, im always scared ill end up getting stuck on the drink the same but manage to keep off, im really going through the worst at the minute AGAIN!! do you have any meds to help you, u can pm me if want talk buddy:)