MikeyT
20-12-12, 20:31
Hi All
Not posted for a long time and not sure where to put this or even put it on here at all.
I am increasing coming to realise that my anxiety problems to some degree come from my partner and her personality and I feel very conflicted on what to do about this.
My anx started around 18 years ago, shortly after my partner (girlfriend) returned from a holiday. I wasn't invited on this holiday which was for the best part of a month, I was quite peeved about this and no real explanation was given at the time, apart from the fact she was to be the guest of a friend who was already living out there.
So I thought that the relationship wasn't really going anywhere, thinking she thought the same too, being so aloof.
So I had decided to end things on her return, I discussed this with her best friend (we were friends also) who persuaded me to the contrary.
On her return we met at the airport and I knew something was wrong, when we got back to my house, she continued to tell me that on a overnight trip, my partner and her friend were attacked and raped. Which was an utter shock.
Yes a very traumatic event, obviously I helped and supported her the best I could. About three months after this she asked if she could move in, and we have been together ever since.
My first massive anxiety attacks (or breakdown) started about six months later when were on the way to Ireland for a touring holiday, the further from home we got the worst I felt and the anx has come and gone ever since, this took about a year to get over.
I especially find this time of year hard, at social events and traveling to far from home.
A couple of months ago, we got talking about that holiday, that changed both our lives and I asked why she didn't ask me to go, the answer was that she didn't think that our relationship was that serious.
I didn't reply but on reflection was very upset and my over riding thoughts since has been if our relationship didn't mean that much to her, why did she then think it was OK to lay all what happened at my door and the subsequent consequences for us both. I am very conflicted about this, but I have not discussed it any further.
I also noted that I react to her stress by becoming stressed then the anxiety increases, for instance she has asked all her family round for christmas day, she is trying to do to much, I offer to help, to lessen the load, which to me would benefit the both of us, but refuses the offers and thinks I think she cannot cope, even though I explain that if she if more relaxed then I would be. Which then give me the feeling that I cannot do anything right.
In my quite moments I sometimes wish I had been braver all those years ago and moved on, then maybe my anxiety may be different or I would be a different person.
But added to this we have two children, who I love dearly, to consider.
Funny thing is I cannot imagine my life without her, but maybe because of our personalities, this is how its going to be. But I do feel very lonely at times.
Sorry if this sounds like a selfish rant, just wanted to write my thoughts somewhere to try and make sense of it all.
Regards all
Not posted for a long time and not sure where to put this or even put it on here at all.
I am increasing coming to realise that my anxiety problems to some degree come from my partner and her personality and I feel very conflicted on what to do about this.
My anx started around 18 years ago, shortly after my partner (girlfriend) returned from a holiday. I wasn't invited on this holiday which was for the best part of a month, I was quite peeved about this and no real explanation was given at the time, apart from the fact she was to be the guest of a friend who was already living out there.
So I thought that the relationship wasn't really going anywhere, thinking she thought the same too, being so aloof.
So I had decided to end things on her return, I discussed this with her best friend (we were friends also) who persuaded me to the contrary.
On her return we met at the airport and I knew something was wrong, when we got back to my house, she continued to tell me that on a overnight trip, my partner and her friend were attacked and raped. Which was an utter shock.
Yes a very traumatic event, obviously I helped and supported her the best I could. About three months after this she asked if she could move in, and we have been together ever since.
My first massive anxiety attacks (or breakdown) started about six months later when were on the way to Ireland for a touring holiday, the further from home we got the worst I felt and the anx has come and gone ever since, this took about a year to get over.
I especially find this time of year hard, at social events and traveling to far from home.
A couple of months ago, we got talking about that holiday, that changed both our lives and I asked why she didn't ask me to go, the answer was that she didn't think that our relationship was that serious.
I didn't reply but on reflection was very upset and my over riding thoughts since has been if our relationship didn't mean that much to her, why did she then think it was OK to lay all what happened at my door and the subsequent consequences for us both. I am very conflicted about this, but I have not discussed it any further.
I also noted that I react to her stress by becoming stressed then the anxiety increases, for instance she has asked all her family round for christmas day, she is trying to do to much, I offer to help, to lessen the load, which to me would benefit the both of us, but refuses the offers and thinks I think she cannot cope, even though I explain that if she if more relaxed then I would be. Which then give me the feeling that I cannot do anything right.
In my quite moments I sometimes wish I had been braver all those years ago and moved on, then maybe my anxiety may be different or I would be a different person.
But added to this we have two children, who I love dearly, to consider.
Funny thing is I cannot imagine my life without her, but maybe because of our personalities, this is how its going to be. But I do feel very lonely at times.
Sorry if this sounds like a selfish rant, just wanted to write my thoughts somewhere to try and make sense of it all.
Regards all