Apologise ...mad woman rambling

[Purdybird]

Hi every one

I apologise in advance because this is going to sound like the mad ramblings of a very mad woman.

At present I'm feeling pretty good, haven't had a major wobble in a while and have managed to keep my silly thoughts of terminal illness under control ( most of the time )

However, I am due to go away with my partner and little lad shortly to Cornwall with some friends also. We are due to stay in a remote village on the south coast which is beautiful and picturesque and I have spent many, many happy family holidays there as a child ( my farther was actually born in this village also, and I have relatives there still as well – but anyway I digress! )
My worries at the moment are very silly, but I'm worried about being so far away from a hospital and the ambulance depots. I am aware that they have an air ambulance in Cornwall, but what happens if I need emergency treatment and the air ambulance is miles away, caring for some one else!!!!! Now, I know this is all very silly, but it's seems to be the only thing that is bothering me at the moment. It's ruining my normal 'building up to holiday excitement' and is annoying me!!!!

I'm also a bit apprehensive of the long drive down ( I need to do the driving as my partners driving gets me into a worst state - I'm a bit of a control freak! ) - again not sure why, think it may have something to do with being so far away from home – really not sure.

Does anybody else feel like this?

If anyyone could reassure me and tell me I'm being ludicrous it will help. I do think I now this deep down, I just need to be told ( again I sound mad don't I? ), I can't tell anybody else how I feel because they all think I'm completely back to normal – or whatever that is!

Sorry, I did warn you that I would sound slightly ' tapped'.

Thanks

Purdy x

[Tessie28]

Purdy,
who knows what is normal eh:D. I understand how you feel about the driving. I too am a control freak and prefer to drive. However, haven't been able to since I fractured my wrist and it looks like a while yet until I will be back behind the wheel. So, tomorrow hubby and I are off to Swanage for a few days and he has to drive.:( Must admit I also thought 'have they got a hospital there' even though i'm out of plaster now and feelings I have about that even are making me nervous.[:I]
Don't worry we all get like it I'm sure,
love Tess

[Purdybird]

Thanks Tess

I Hope you enjoy your break in Swanage.

Take care

Purdy x

[Meg]

Dear Purdy ,

This is about as common as it gets !! I know I've been there with the thoughts .

We went to Holland the first Christmas after I was better but it was still important to me to know where it was. Never been to one for this or anythiong else apart from I work in many of them but hey ...



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[grace]

hi purdey
we're driving to turkey this year and i'm thinking the same stuff,what if something happens to one of us when we're somewhere we cant speak the language.i'll be taking my rescue remedy with me (especially for those massive tunnels in switzerland)but i always keep in my mind that for every problem there has to be a solution because everything has an opposite (yin/yang, night/day, hot/cold,) so if something does happen and the air ambulance cant get to you it must be because you have the means to make it right. i know that wont always work but try to keep it in mind and maybe it will help a bit.

xxx grace

[seh1980]

Hi Purdybird,

I can understand how you're feeling. Since suffering from panic attacks, I've had to go on a few trips that I haven't really felt up to doing. The first one was to the US for 2 weeks to see my relatives. (I'm American) Being trapped in a plane for 9 hours was very difficult for my brain to cope with. Since then, I have taken 2 trips, both to Paris. The worst thing about these trips is that they were so far from home here in England. Plus, the language barrier in France really scared me and also because I had an epileptic seizure in France before so it's kind of a 'bad' place in my mind.
However, each time I have had to do these trips, no matter how nrevous I have felt before and during, I have always arrived home stronger. You seriously don't realise how strong you are until you do something like this. Also, you will have people around you the whole time so you have nothing to worry about. Cornwall is a beautiful place and it's also one that is very dear to you so I'm sure you will have a wonderful time!!
Take care.

Sarah (seh1980)

[nomorepanic]

Hi Purdy

I too am a control freak and prefer driving to being a passenger. This extends to me not liking any public transport too and I only let my partner drive me.

It doesn't mean that you can't get help, just because you are not close to a hospital. There will always be a local hospital that would see you if necessary (I know cos I ended up in one once and they were quite happy to treat me even though it wasn't an A&E facility).

Don't forget that there are also local doctors in even small villages so you could see one of them if you had to. Also, take the phone number of NHS direct. They offer great advice too so you can always call them.

Please don't let this spoil a great holiday ok ? You can do it ok?

Best of luck


Nicola

[Purdybird]

Thanks for your support everyone.

Purdy x

[jo-jo]

Hi Purdy

You sound like a typical panic attack sufferer to me so don't worry, you're not being ludicrous :D

I did have have a smile when I read your post though - I went for my firt counselling session last week and what emerged was my need to be in control and that the worst thing about PAs is not being in control. And I thought it was just me!

Just before I realised that I was having PAs I paid a visit to my doctor as I had a bit of an achy groin, and although I can laugh now I was really convinced I had cancer or something. So I think worrying about our bodily functions and feelings must be common too. I'm currenly pre-occupied with a small white pimple/spot thing on my nose (trust me, I'm checking it in the mirror every hour even though it's been there over a year) :)

Rest assured, if something happened to you whilst you were away, you WOULD be able to get help if you needed it. Does at least one person in your party have a mobile phone?? Try to remember all the good times you had in this village - it sounds like the perfect break to me, I'm very envious! I am off to Las Vegas next week and am dreading the 10 hour flight (booked before the PAs set in) so I know what its like to be a little anxious about the journey. For me, its more about being confined in a small area where I can't get out - I get anxious just sitting with my friend in her big farmhouse kitchen (mad I know).

You go out there and have a really wonderful time - can't wait to hear how the holiday went.

Love Jo xxx

[Purdybird]

I do know that I'm being silly. I've just got this image in my head of me suddenly having a heart attack in the middle of nowhere and my friends having to call for an ambulance etc. I KNOW THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN because there is nothing wrong with my heart (I have a couple of ECGs and there were no problems detected) In fact, until I had my first panic attack ( beginning of April ) it never even occurred to me that I may have a heart problem. It's just one of those anxiety symptoms that many of us dwell on.
I just have to keep telling myself that I am a fit and healthy 27 year old. People like me just don't have sudden heart attacks.

Sorry for rambling on, I am so grateful for all your support. I don't post very often, but I can't tell you how helpful this site is, just reading it!

Purdy x :)

[stimpy]

I know just how you feel, as I felt exactly the same when I went home to visit my mum.

We decided to break the journey half way through, so it didn't seem so far to travel.

Once you get there you will be fine, it is just the worries of what may happen that are putting you off.

Good Luck and above all, have a great time !

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'