Worried about anxiety and depression returning

[Oddfish]

For the last couple of weeks I have been feeling awful and I fear another bout of anxiety and depression is upon me.

I suppose there are a few things that have triggered it. For one I had just come back from an amazing holiday to face the dark and snow and the return to work.

Before I went on holiday I had been feeling a bit anxious about impending changes at work. The new plans involve a pay rise for me and I should be thrilled but it also means a huge increase in responsibility and work load. I guess a part of me doesn't want what's on offer. I don't have a contract and currently there is only a place for me until April despite the pay rise and new position. Plans change every 5 minutes, the job is chaotic and exhausting and I am struggling with it. That's before I even take on the new role!

I was already considering leaving before my holiday but I feel trapped. After two long stints of unemployment (accompanied by the worst anxiety and depression I have ever had) I know how difficult it is to get another job and I fear it.

Add to that Christmas which I have never been a fan of and I feel like I am getting close to the edge. I don't even have much to do in the way of preparing for Christmas but for a fortnight I have just felt snappy and miserable and I keep feeling agitated and nervous and have that horrible feeling of just wanting to run away from life.

I feel bad as everyone expects me to be happy but I can't switch my mind off things and its really bringing me down. Big hugs to all who are suffering!

[wazza]

:hugs:back at ya. Hope it all sorts its self out soon

[NoPoet]

Hi, although this is not much consolation now, part of the recovery process is gradually learning to accept that anxiety and depression symptoms may return, but not worrying too much about it or seeing it as a relapse.

You have been touched by anxiety and depression, but they haven't beaten you. The fact that you are worrying about their return suggests you're having a clear spell, which is proof that you CAN be free. Anyone who has even spent one second without symptoms has proven they can live without the illness.

You should trust in yourself that you can handle whatever comes your way. As you learn this, it won't matter if you feel down or scared again, you will accept that this is going to happen because you're human and these are human emotions. They wouldn't be normal if they didn't happen to millions of people.

[Oddfish]

Things have been tough since I last posted.

I got Christmas over with but when I returned to work I really started to struggle. First two weeks back were hectic preparing for my colleague leaving and me taking over his role. In the meantime we heard that money we were going to bid for was going to be pulled, meaning my job would probably end. Last week i took over And was left trying to acquaint myself with the new role, quickly realising it is basically the job of two people, juggling systems that don't work, information that is wrong, still looking after my old project, getting told to stop everything while the funding crisis is sorted above me, completely clueless as to what to do and worrying about losing my job. All this in an office where I am now on my own, expected to do everything, work 10 hours a day where I am lucky to get a lunch break. I'm exhausted!

Eventually by the end of last week we heard we will be refunded for a while but my anxiety is through the roof. Mentioned to my manager that I feel like my workload is too much but got usual brush off. He thinks everyone should work all hours and give themselves up to work, cant see what the problem is. I feel like I have nowhere to turn because it is just us two now in the business. Don't want to push it too much because need to be rehired when the bids come out again.

I need to find a way to control my anxiety because my concentration is shot. I have to go out a lot during the day but am always in a rush and stressed to hell. Last week I left my car somewhere and forgot, later reporting it stolen then remembering and having to retrieve it with a policeman *embarrasing* then not 4 days later I left my phone in the car by accident because im rushing and the window gets smashed and the phone stolen!

Don't think I can take much more! My appetite has gone, haven't slept properly for weeks, feel manic, totally burning out. Any tips on managing anxiety?

[Annie0904]

You really do sound to be having a tough time of it at the moment. Are you on any medication? Maybe you should see your doctor and possibly also ask if you can be referred for CBT. Sending you lots of hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Sunshine77]

Don't think I can take much more! My appetite has gone, haven't slept properly for weeks, feel manic, totally burning out.

Sorry you are feeling so awful. What you say above really strikes a chord with me because I was exactly the same for the entire of December and early January. I was crying in the car every morning on the way to work wondering how I would find the strength to get through the day. I kept berating myself for being "weak" and trying to "pull myself together". In the end the day came in January when I just couldn't go on and now I have been off work for 5 weeks. I'm feeling a lot better thanks to time, rest, therapy and citalopram but I do wish I had done something earlier and not let it get as bad as it did.

All of which is a long-winded way of saying - Do something NOW - go and see your doctor. Book some time off if you possibly can. Make some time for you. Spend it with gentle people you love and who love you. Be kind to yourself. Don't wait for it to get any worse.

:hugs: Take care, I hope things get better for you soon.