performance anxiety

[dabrucru]

hi, i m a 38 old male, its been since february since i ve been having this problem with my wife, the situation is this, i get very aroused by her, i really like her, i m very attracted to her, but when it comes to intercousre my penis just 'dies' i tried viagra, but still , i thinks its psychological, any suggestions, i just keep thinking on this problem, and lately i m even avoiding sex...

thanks very much

p.s i suffer from anxiety, i tend to worry on everything...

[Justinf]

Anxiety can cause those problems for sure.
I can't give you any advice on that as I have never suffered from it but I implore to be honest with your wife about it and let her know that it is not her and that you still find her desirable. if you don't she may suspect that something is wrong in that you might be having an affair or that she isn't doing it for you anymore. It's really important to communicate honestly with her about this.
Good luck. I am sure it's a passing phase.

[dabrucru]

yes i talked about it with her, she told me not to worry , and that it will pass, but the thing that annoys me most is seeing her naked, which is a view i really like :) and i can t satisfy her or myself!!!

[Ingenious]

When you say you've tried Viagra do you mean you have been to a doctor about this? If not (and you just bought some) it's always recommended to see a doctor, since they will check to make sure there is nothing else wrong which might cause it, such as a blood test for diabetes and so on. ED can sometimes be the first sign of other issues, and can be an indicator of general health, so the doctor will see what your life style is like, things like weight, whether you smoke, drink and so on.

As for how to fix this, Viagra is a well tested and safe way to get back in the saddle as it were, maybe this can help you get your confidence back. There are also other more gentle medications (like Cialis) which make this less of a "take a pill before sex" routine. In the long term I would guess you'd need to look at wider issues such as mental and physical health, since anxiety and worry are the smoking guns here.

And remember it happens to most guys at some point in their lives.

[dabrucru]

thanks ingenious, yes i ve bought the pills after i went for a check up, i m a fit person, i cycle to work every day, never smoked, don t drink, its defenetly a psychological thing...the best thing is not to worry and let things fall in there place, so to say...and that s my problem , i keep thinking and thinking...and the usual what ifs etc...

any way thanks again for your advices:winks:

[Arnie365]

Anxiety can definitely be a mood killer! I worry about chest pains and heart attacks though I'm fine. I have no problem getting going with my wife but mid way through thoughts of over doing it and bringing on a heart attack start. Can definitely kill the buzz if you catch my drift! Anyway I've started to get a grip on this and been telling myself that I've been fine before and they are just thoughts. Thoughts aren't always true! This has worked for me but I think you need to understand what's at the root of your anxiety first.

[Justinf]

Anxiety can definitely be a mood killer! I worry about chest pains and heart attacks though I'm fine. I have no problem getting going with my wife but mid way through thoughts of over doing it and bringing on a heart attack start. Can definitely kill the buzz if you catch my drift! Anyway I've started to get a grip on this and been telling myself that I've been fine before and they are just thoughts. Thoughts aren't always true! This has worked for me but I think you need to understand what's at the root of your anxiety first.
You should be thinking "What a great way to go!":yesyes:

[dabrucru]

thanks again to all :hugs:

[Justinf]

thanks again to all :hugs:
Personal question, but can you get an erection by yourself?
If you can, then it's absolutely psychological and will either pass over time, or you may need to see a therapist.

[Arnie365]

You should be thinking "What a great way to go!":yesyes:

There are worse ways I suppose! :D

[dabrucru]

Yes by myself its not a problem, i think its beter i go to talk to a therapist, thanks again..

[nippy70]

ita all in the head ,,, its happened a few times and now everytime u get down to it you think . will it work wont it work ,,,, this then kills it . There are more ways to please her. Enjoy trying different things and dont just think about penetration. Spice things up a bit and see how it goes. Let her take control... lol :bighug1:

[dabrucru]

Thanks nippy, it goes exactly as you are saying!