Horrible anxiety about my children.

[cattia]

For a while now I have had obsessive worries about my children having autism. My daughter is 3 and my son is 20 months. I analyse everything they do and am constantly seeing things that I worry could be signs of autism. There are so many little things that I worry about, even though they are both amazing children who communicate well. It's a stupid thing to worry about I know. sometimes I see things on here that people worry about and I think that even if their worries came true then it's not that bad, it wouldn' t be the end of the world, and I am sure a lot of people would think just that when they see my worries, like there are far worse things that could happen. It's not a death sentence. The thing is I can't rationalise it that way. My fear about this is so overwhelming, i just don't know what to do about it.
Tonight I spent ages on Google, which I haven't done for ages. I read so much scary stuff and I'm so mad at myself for doing it. I hate this anxiety and the way it makes me feel. I just feel like it stops me being a good parent and I need to get it under control but I have no idea how. I expect not many people can relate to this as it's not a standard HA fear, but thanks for taking the time to read all the same.

[Annie0904]

First of all don't google! You are actually looking to find evidence for something that in reality does not exist in your children. Is there anything in particular that makes you think they may be autistic? I work with children who are autistic. You have really answered the question yourself by saying how well they communicate so deep down you know they are fine. Do you think that counselling will help you? It is only natural for a mother to be worried and concerned for her children but this seems to be affecting you and making you over anxious so maybe counselling will help you x

[cattia]

Thank you Annie for replying. There is a whole list of stuff I worry about. My daughter is a bit of a dreamer. She focuses on things and blocks everything out. Even at pre school they sometimes struggle to get her attention. My son arches his back and rubs his back against furniture like he's looking for stimulation. There are other little things too. They both play well with one another. They both talk a lot and like other people's company. They interact well, have good imitation skills and lots of other positive things.They love to interact with friends and family.
Even if I did find out they had ASD, it's not like I would love them any less. I guess I just worry about them getting lost in their own world and not being happy in society.
I have had counselling several years ago for other HA issues before I had the children. it helped a lot at the time but I can't afford to go back. I was having CBT which was free but it was over the telephone and I hated it. I stopped half way through the course. It felt so impersonal. I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

[Annie0904]

It is so easy for us Mum's to worry about our children when they do things that may not seem 'normal' whatever normal is. However every child is individual and they all develop their own little personalities and habits. So long as there are no worries about their development in terms of social interaction, speech and general development, I would not worry at all. My son's girlfriend works with autistic children on a daily basis in their own homes with a specific programme and I just spoke with her about your concerns and she said don't worry, your children seem fine. Lots of children daydream, one of my sons used to and he is just a great thinker and thinks out problems and is now an engineer. His teachers were always saying how slow he was at doing things because he was always day dreaming. He has since been to uni for an engineering degree. Your son sounds like it is more of a habit then anything else, maybe try to distract him with other activities. x

[cattia]

I can't tell you how much I appreciate that Annie, thank you so much. My daughter is quite creative, I can imagine her being the floaty, dreamy arty type! My mum said when my brother was little he always used to rub his clothes against his skin and spent hours lining his toy cars up. He's now in his thirties and a totally normal, successful adult with a partner and good career. My mum said because they never had the intent she never analysed his behaviours. Everything you look up online leads to a million horror stories. The internet has filled my mind with so much fear, it's my worst enemy. Once again, thanks for your post, it's calmed me down!

[Annie0904]

Never google, it always comes up with the worst scenarios and it can't see or examine us or even speak to us! I am pleased you are feeling a bit calmer now. xx

[SamanthaAU]

My 5 year old had many symptoms of Autism when he was younger. He has grown out of so many of them as he has gotten older.

Try not to waste these years worrying. They grow so fast, enjoy them. As long as they are having regular check ups they will get picked up on if there is something wrong. And like you have indicated if there IS something wrong with them it wouldnt be the end of the world. In fact you would love them even more, impossible as it seems!

[cattia]

Thank you Samantha. I honestly kick myself when I think about how I am spending these precious years worrying about my children when I should be enjoying them. I wish to goodness that I could kick this worry. I know they will grow up so fast and I will never get these days back.

[Sparkle1984]

I find this thread interesting because I have Asperger Syndrome (high functioning autism). I think it's unlikely your children have it as you said they communicate well.

There are a lot of horror stories about autism in the media, saying that it's a horrible disability, but I think it has good and bad aspects so it's not a disability in the usual sense of the word. For example, many autistic individuals have special talents in areas such as IT, art, music, science, maths and so on.

I am very shy and my communication skills aren't that good (although I can communicate well in online discussions, I find it a lot harder to maintain conversations in real life). However, I still did well in my exams, made it through university and got my dream job in IT. I'm saying this just to demonstrate that an autistic diagnosis is not all doom and gloom. I am more susceptible to anxious/depressive episodes than the average person, but when this is treated I can live a relatively normal life.

The main things I find difficult are living independently (so I've never lived on my own - I think it would make me very anxious and lonely), and forming a long-term relationship (due to my poor communication skills I find it difficult to make new friends of either gender). Having said that, I do know several autistic people who do live independently and are in relationships. I'm happy being single though, at least for now. Apart from that I'd say I lead a relatively normal life, and I have learnt better coping skills in recent years, so my weaknesses don't bother me as much as they used to in the past.

I hope this goes some way to reassure you. :)

[cattia]

Thanks Sparkle, it's good to hear from someone who has personal experience. I just want my children to be happy and to enjoy a normal life and it sound as though you've been able to do that. I hope in a few years I'll be able to relax a bit more. I would really like another child but the anxiety I have about these two makes me think I couldn't handle it.

[SamanthaAU]

Thank you Samantha. I honestly kick myself when I think about how I am spending these precious years worrying about my children when I should be enjoying them. I wish to goodness that I could kick this worry. I know they will grow up so fast and I will never get these days back.

My pleasure sweetness - I am sure they do many more 'normal' things than 'abnormal' things (I use those terms loosely lol) but we, as anxiety sufferers are only too good at focusing on the bad rather then the good aren't we.:hugs: