Thought I'd introduce myself and my symptoms of lymphoma

[blox123]

Hi people...well I'm new here, I'm 20 and have had a phobia of going to the doctors since I can't remember when, and on top of that HA so not a good mix!! I've had anxiety for the past couple of years but recently it has gotten really bad for me and thought this was one of the nicer looking forums to join.
In 2 years I have diagnosed myself with multiple sclerosis, brain tumours, diabetes, leukemia, breast cancer and most recently lymphoma....lymphoma has stayed with me for the duration of my health anxiety to date.
And I have convinced myself yet again that I have it, and can't physically bring myself to go to the doctors I have simply accepted that I'm going to die at 20. I have assumed that I have an indolent type, seeing as I have had my symptoms for around 2 years, I have a couple of nodes that I can feel in my neck, and one tonsil that's a million times bigger than the other. How long does indolent lymphoma take to kill without treatment?
Peace! X

[Mark13]

Firstly, welcome to the site.

Secondly, unless you're a medical professional, you're really not qualified to diagnose yourself, however much you may read.

I know you have a phobia of Doctors, but isn't it worth going to put your mind at rest and stop torturing yourself with the belief that at 20 you have an extremely rare illness?

[Baggs]

Welcome to the site. I hope you find as much help here as I have. I wish you all the best.

Baggs

[Ronno]

Hello there and welcome to the site.
First of all if you've had symptoms two years I'd think your pretty safe regarding lymphoma . Look at yesterday's post " lymphoma scare " that should give you the information your looking for .
Take care.

[merrysee]

I can so relate Blox123, in recent years i've diagnoised myself with, brain tumours, breast cancer, stomach cancer lymph's like you, bone cancer, skin cancer, and so so so many other condition's, i really feel for you because i know what a dark place it is to be when you convince yourself something awful is going to happen to you, it's fine for everyone else around you to say "there's nothing wrong", but nobody understands unless they've been through the worry themselves. Merssage me if you want to chat.

[Ronno]

Hi merrysee, i think we all know what it's like to worry on this site . But we are all here to support each other . But it's important not to self diagnose , 1st stop the doctor . As far as lymphomas concerned, my wife had it and there was more to the disease than a lymph node there's other symptoms as well . And lymphomas tend to progress quickly . If I can help those who worry about lymphoma I'm here , having seen some one very close suffer with it and come through it .

[blox123]

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling much better today having not been on Google! And my tonsil has gone down since yesterday so I'm in one of my less worrisome moods :) just wish I could get rid of this anxiety for good, pain in the bum! It seems to get worse when I have time off work, too much thinking time maybe! X

[jayjoe18]

Hi blox123, welcome to the site! I'm nearing 20 and can really sympathise with what your going through, I suffered with HA 2 years ago and diagnosed myself with lots of things including heart attacks, blood clots, brain tumour, you name it! My worst one was appendicitis and that also stayed with me for the duration. Luckily, I didn't have a phobia about going to the doctors, though it wasn't always pleasant to go as I would always worry what they would diagnose! There was once a time when I thought I had a blood clot so badly I was in hysterics in the doctors office when she took my blood as I really thought she'd pop the blood clot with the needle and I'd die right there on the spot (sorry to be graphic just wanted to express how bad the HA was at the time!). Of course that didn't happen but despite the panic of that I'm so glad I went to the doctors as that was the point I was referred for CBT (and cleared by the blood tests of any diseases I'd self diagnosed!). It's been 2 years now since I recovered from HA thanks to the work I did in CBT so I would definitely encourage you to try and see your doctor, maybe you could phone in and ask to speak with your doctor over the phone instead of actually going in? This is something my doctor offered me when I was suffering badly? Or, maybe they do home visits? Also, about Google, I no longer Google any of my symptoms as it never helped me and only fuelled my anxiety further, I think banning myself from Google has been one of the main reasons I was able to overcome HA, no good comes from Dr. Google! And I definitely think having too much time to think can really make things worse! x

[blox123]

i know the fear of going to the doctors is really silly but as you say its the fear of what i will be diagnosed with....even though its better to have it dealt with. Last week i phoned for an appointment because i thought i had tonsillitis and they simply said to get something from the chemist.,didn't even see me so that puts me off too.
ive been in more rational mood the past few days though, and decided that as my glands aren't alarming in size, and that i have tmj and am just over a cold it doesn't look too serious...suppose id have more symptoms really after all this time aswell if it were lymphoma. I think not grabbing and poking my neck might help to lol.
no doubt in a few days ill be back to my usual hypochondriac self though *sigh!* x