head full of spaghetti

[rubymolloy]

sleep will not be found, head just full of thoughts and emotions to go with the pictures, like a horror/ torture side show....

jealousy, resentment, deep pain of sadness, tears, confusion, so tired i am wretched,
therapists do my head in, boyfriends my heart, want to run away to outer mongolia and herd horses, live in a yurt.

new day tommorow if i ever find some sleep...right when i dont need confusion it fells me down.

feel ashamed of this gloomy post, not felt this bad in a long time...which is good i guess,

ive had an over stimulating day and night, much emotio nto deal with and its bitten me on the bum.

back to maj jong and perhaps another cup of tea, try and go easy on myself eh?

kind regards to anyone else feeling like merd ce soir..x

[Col]

Yep I'm like this, I won't bore you but I'm 31 and could rewrite a novel and have the life experience of someone twice my age, no wonder why I had a breakdown in 2011!

I get where I'm at full capacity, can't take any more and still same people try it on with me & its like wear and tear and I've given up and at night get really really wound up! Don't sleep , can't sleep wake up feeling ill most of time. Got 2 small kids to cope with then hubby kicks off, says he understands I'm a perfectionist I am a Virgo and always make sure house is tidy and clean BUT if I don't manage to do pots or kids have got no sock because ive got that much washing all the time ( because I'm so hygeineic - wear once & wash) he kicks up a stink! Don't know what he wants most people who have small kids that I know ,there houses are always disheveled , you should see mine - not a toy in sight most days, everything's organized. Cups have a cupboard , letters go in a letter box, pans g in a separate cupboard. Shoes must go on shoe rack. That's because of me & he gets face on over doing pots when he come in from work, when the entire house has been cleaned and tidy???? I'm exhausted with worry and hurt and anger sometimes and up at night, as u are! I tell him and it's his family, that take the piss the most of the time and he knows BUT he doesn't get house exhausting this stress is for me despite me having a breakdown and years of crap!

Fed up :hugs: to you