aimzicles
01-01-13, 17:39
Hello all.
I wanted to introduce myself, and tell you why I ended up here. I have dealt with anxiety, to differing levels on and off since my teens. At its worst, I feel literally a prisoner in my own mind, uncomfortable in my own skin, panic-stricken and tied to the house.
As I have gotten older, it has dissipated - to the point where I almost thought my anxiety could be a thing of the past. However, one incident a couple of months back has provoked an avalanche of negative thinking and panic-inducing thoughts that I can't seem to stop.
I work in a school with kids with learning disabilities, and I was recently sat in a biology lesson with one of my students. They were doing menstruation, and put on a short video that showed a virtual cervix doing it's business. I'm actually laughing writing this, as it seems so silly. Anyway, I've always had a blood/needles/hospital phobia, but it hasn't bothered me so much as it's restricted to very small moments in my life where I will have to see anything gross. Well, this video was gross by most peoples standards - but it only lasted a couple of minutes. I worked myself into such a frenzy about seeing all this, that I fainted. The whole class saw me, the teacher had to help me and the nurse was called.
Funnily enough, the same thing happened when I was actually in school myself, years ago now...we were watching a particularly gross video in biology and bam, I was out. Back then I developed such a phobia of it happening again that it really began to restrict my life. Well, it's happened again. I was so embarrassed by what happened, I now panic about it happening again. I'm really scared it will happen in biology when they put another video on, so I spend the entire class in a state of panic, trying to stop my racing thoughts, rather than helping my student! It's extended to other social situations as well - I can't deal with their assemblies and the sense of no escape, or any situation where the exit looks really far off. The worst part is, with my job, I am continuously in the view of large groups of people. I feel much safer when I am alone with my students, or it's just me and another member of staff.
Because my attack was blood-cervix-grossness related my mind starts thinking up the most disgusting images that I can't let go of, and the cycle of panic continues. I really need to get a grip on this, the urge to just call in sick for days is overwhelming.
Can anyone offer any words of advice? Nice to meet you all, by the way!
I wanted to introduce myself, and tell you why I ended up here. I have dealt with anxiety, to differing levels on and off since my teens. At its worst, I feel literally a prisoner in my own mind, uncomfortable in my own skin, panic-stricken and tied to the house.
As I have gotten older, it has dissipated - to the point where I almost thought my anxiety could be a thing of the past. However, one incident a couple of months back has provoked an avalanche of negative thinking and panic-inducing thoughts that I can't seem to stop.
I work in a school with kids with learning disabilities, and I was recently sat in a biology lesson with one of my students. They were doing menstruation, and put on a short video that showed a virtual cervix doing it's business. I'm actually laughing writing this, as it seems so silly. Anyway, I've always had a blood/needles/hospital phobia, but it hasn't bothered me so much as it's restricted to very small moments in my life where I will have to see anything gross. Well, this video was gross by most peoples standards - but it only lasted a couple of minutes. I worked myself into such a frenzy about seeing all this, that I fainted. The whole class saw me, the teacher had to help me and the nurse was called.
Funnily enough, the same thing happened when I was actually in school myself, years ago now...we were watching a particularly gross video in biology and bam, I was out. Back then I developed such a phobia of it happening again that it really began to restrict my life. Well, it's happened again. I was so embarrassed by what happened, I now panic about it happening again. I'm really scared it will happen in biology when they put another video on, so I spend the entire class in a state of panic, trying to stop my racing thoughts, rather than helping my student! It's extended to other social situations as well - I can't deal with their assemblies and the sense of no escape, or any situation where the exit looks really far off. The worst part is, with my job, I am continuously in the view of large groups of people. I feel much safer when I am alone with my students, or it's just me and another member of staff.
Because my attack was blood-cervix-grossness related my mind starts thinking up the most disgusting images that I can't let go of, and the cycle of panic continues. I really need to get a grip on this, the urge to just call in sick for days is overwhelming.
Can anyone offer any words of advice? Nice to meet you all, by the way!