blueangel
02-01-13, 13:20
Hi peeps
I don't come here very often now, but I am watching a situation play out with my in-laws that is affecting the rest of my husband's family. Here we go:
My parents in law are 71 and 68, and both are in pretty good physical health. He has borderline high blood pressure and a bit of back trouble, but other than that, he's OK. She has a number of different anxieties, which manifest themselves in the following ways:
* agoraphobia - she can't really go any further than the village they live in. She won't go in most forms of transport unless there is a dire need for it
* issues with eating and swallowing, and I suspect she has emetophobia, as she has recently developed a thing about getting Norovirus
* separation anxiety - doesn't like my father in law going out or doing anything
* various other OCD-type symptoms - e.g. has recently stopped using her dishwasher at home as she doesn't feel it gets things clean enough
* desire to control father in law - she is constantly telling him that he is "too old" / "not capable" of doing a lot of things
I see them every 2-3 months, and her anxieties seem to be getting incrementally worse, and she won't seek any help, nor discuss it.
I know exactly what mechanisms are going on here, as I am a longterm anxiety and depression sufferer, so I've seen it, done it, got the t-shirt etc. She has made her self a "safe" zone, but the problem with this is that the safe zone gets smaller and smaller, and you end up applying more controls to try and make yourself feel OK.
The big issue here is the effect it is having on the rest of the family. I am watching my father in law getting more and more depressed; he isn't allowed to do anything, and is constantly told he is old and feeble. He is drinking too much, and sleeps for a lot of the day as there isn't anything else for him to do. He used to go to the gym, and go to the snooker hall, and he's not allowed to do this any more. To be honest, I am really concerned that he is literally going to lose the will to live.
The youngest son is now living with them as he gave up his job and he is also depressed (and taking medication). He won't sign on, as the DWP will tell him he has to apply for jobs. On one hand, she will get angry with this, but on the other, she will end up not wanting him to have a job as she will then be able to control this as well.
The other two brothers (including my husband) are tearing their hair out and they don't know what to do. Whenever they want to see their parents, they have to go to see them as she won't leave the village, and like me, they are noticing this downhill slide.
So, what would you do???
I don't come here very often now, but I am watching a situation play out with my in-laws that is affecting the rest of my husband's family. Here we go:
My parents in law are 71 and 68, and both are in pretty good physical health. He has borderline high blood pressure and a bit of back trouble, but other than that, he's OK. She has a number of different anxieties, which manifest themselves in the following ways:
* agoraphobia - she can't really go any further than the village they live in. She won't go in most forms of transport unless there is a dire need for it
* issues with eating and swallowing, and I suspect she has emetophobia, as she has recently developed a thing about getting Norovirus
* separation anxiety - doesn't like my father in law going out or doing anything
* various other OCD-type symptoms - e.g. has recently stopped using her dishwasher at home as she doesn't feel it gets things clean enough
* desire to control father in law - she is constantly telling him that he is "too old" / "not capable" of doing a lot of things
I see them every 2-3 months, and her anxieties seem to be getting incrementally worse, and she won't seek any help, nor discuss it.
I know exactly what mechanisms are going on here, as I am a longterm anxiety and depression sufferer, so I've seen it, done it, got the t-shirt etc. She has made her self a "safe" zone, but the problem with this is that the safe zone gets smaller and smaller, and you end up applying more controls to try and make yourself feel OK.
The big issue here is the effect it is having on the rest of the family. I am watching my father in law getting more and more depressed; he isn't allowed to do anything, and is constantly told he is old and feeble. He is drinking too much, and sleeps for a lot of the day as there isn't anything else for him to do. He used to go to the gym, and go to the snooker hall, and he's not allowed to do this any more. To be honest, I am really concerned that he is literally going to lose the will to live.
The youngest son is now living with them as he gave up his job and he is also depressed (and taking medication). He won't sign on, as the DWP will tell him he has to apply for jobs. On one hand, she will get angry with this, but on the other, she will end up not wanting him to have a job as she will then be able to control this as well.
The other two brothers (including my husband) are tearing their hair out and they don't know what to do. Whenever they want to see their parents, they have to go to see them as she won't leave the village, and like me, they are noticing this downhill slide.
So, what would you do???