View Full Version : Nooooooooooooooooo.
Kayleigh100
02-01-13, 20:47
Just as I get to 8 weeks, am sleeping pretty much OK, and think I am settling down I have had a massive panic attack this afternoon.
Now I can't eat, talk much, am clenching my teeth and bet I will not sleep properly tonight which will make tomorrow worse as well.
Luckily, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning, as a follow up to the next prescription but I have to get there first. I think it's going to be a long night.
Why? oh why?
I ask myself the same evrey day... whot have i done to deserve this?? there is no answer - i am what i am, i am me. i just have to deal with it. meds can help, therapies can help, but the most help ive had is from fellow sufferers, people of this site and 'real' people ive met. says somthing i think. im going to try hypnotherapy from my daughters mum who does it. hope it works, but im not expecting any majic wand. relaxation breathing helps, diazapine takes it off short term, reiki helped but was expensive. I just want a perminant sollution. hope u can find one too, cos feeling like this all the time is no life at all. Hang in there.xx
Kayleigh, you have been doing so much better so think about the positives over the past few weeks and not the negative from today. We often get little blips but tomorrow is another day and maybe a much better one...keep positive :hugs::hugs:
Kayleiigh, replied on the other thread, you have done so well and you will get an odd blip, I had one at the stage you are at and thought the worst but it only lasted for a day or two, my doc said that I would have days when I would not feel right as everyone does so don't think the worst, just think how bad you were, you will feel good again, have you some diazapan you can take tonight just to help you calm and get to sleep xxx
Kayleigh100
02-01-13, 22:43
Thank you all. I know you make sense but its like my negative mind and shaky body just can't make the transition to being positive.
Off to bed now. Half of me is exhausted and half of me is whizzing like a dervish.
Your support is so appreciated.
Thanks Janine... I have seen both of your replies. I have a sleeping medication but am not taking it because I think I have one of the problems you are not supposed to use it with - that's something I was going to mention to the doctor tomorrow and find out if I am safe taking it.
In addition, I don't dare take it now as I have to be up at 6 for work and its a bit late.
Try and relax, you know you can feel better, it is just a blip and like Annie said tomorrow is another day, you might not feel great but you are not going to go back to how bad you were, believe me I have been there, also you have the Doc's tomorrow and if he is as good as mine he will put your mind at rest.
I am in all day tomorrow if you need someone to chat to.
xxx
Kayleigh100
02-01-13, 22:56
That's really kind.
I need to get through tonight with enough sleep to function sensibly tomorrow and give myself a fighting chance of a reasonable day. I have some tai chi music which I downloaded a few weeks ago. I will try that now to see if I can relax because trying to force my brain to be positive while I am in this state just isn't working.
Kayleigh, my husband is sitting beside me and he noticed your thread and he thought I was going to have a panic attack. You mentioned whirling dervishes!! I saw a film with some in when I was a child and they really freaked me out! I can still remember that scene but nothing else from the film. I have never wanted to visit Turkey because of them :roflmao: I mentioned it when I read it and my husband is laughing at me :D
Hope you are able to relax and get some sleep, the only thing I found is that if I had a bad night I some how managed to get through the next day and then slept well the next night as I was so tired.
Talk to your Doc about the sleeping tabs becuse it is good to have them as an emergency if you need them. xxxx
bach rescue Night spray is good and doesn't make you feel drowsy the next morning x
Yes it is good too, I lent some to my son when he went to America in September as he was anxious about flying etc. and I have never seen it again!!!
I panicked in the airport and bought 4 bottles of the Rescue Spray!!
Kayleigh100
02-01-13, 23:18
I will have to go to the pharmacy tomorrow to pick up month three of fluoxetine, so I will look for some of that remedy. I will talk to doc about the sleeping meds - I agree it would have been nice to take one at 8 o'clock tonight.
Sorry about bringing back the nasty memories Janine!
---------- Post added at 23:18 ---------- Previous post was at 23:17 ----------
bach rescue Night spray is good and doesn't make you feel drowsy the next morning x
I panicked in the airport and bought 4 bottles of the Rescue Spray!!
That's the sort of thing I would do.
You can get the Bach rescue remedy for during the day and bach rescue night for bedtime. It is natural and can be taken with other meds.
They are just memories and hopefully will never come back and this will be a memory for you that will go away.
Annie that made me chuckle, did you actually use the four bottles!
They are just memories and hopefully will never come back and this will be a memory for you that will go away.
Annie that made me chuckle, did you actually use the four bottles!
No I didn't but I did use more than usual...good job you can't overdose on it! :D
Hi Kayleigh
As others have said its just a blip don't beat yourself up. Just a thought but I've been keeping a diary for the past few months. I've noticed that I get more blips the day before I'm due at the doctors though am not knowingly anxious about going.
Just a thought
Kayleigh100
03-01-13, 07:19
Thanks once again.
I didn't get to sleep until after 3, but then I did get some sleep. Woke with sweats. Two hours and I will have seen the doctor.
Back on a banana for breakfast I think.
Let me know how you are later and how you got on at Docs.
xxx
Kayleigh100
03-01-13, 15:36
Hiya. Thanks for asking. Internet went down and I have been without it until now.
Doc said he is referring me for CBT and if the wait is long his secretary will let me know, because I have a health plan which provides me with a few sessions if the NHS wait is too long. He wants me to learn to deal with the triggers of my panic - which are related to work stress levels coupled with my perfectionist tendancies and catastrophic thinking. He thinks counselling will help.
He wants me to stay on 20mg fluoxetine for the next month and then reassess. On the basis last week was OK until this blip.
I can use the sleeping meds but no more than two a week for times like last night, as opposed to generally.
Yesterdays attack was not a pretty sight and left me still recovering from it today. I am still not completely right but getting there. I managed to sleep from about 3.30 to 6 in the end. Not great but, hopefully, tonight will be much better as you often find. If not, I'll use meds for Friday when I don't have to be up on Saturday.
I think CBT is the way forward for you. I had a bad night last night also, only about 3 hours sleep. x
Hi Kayleigh, glad you got your meds sorted, hopefully you will sleep well tonight after your bad night last night, it is good that he is referring you for CBT as it sounds like it could be helpful for you.
Hopefully this was a little blip and bump on this road to recovery.
xxx
Kayleigh100
03-01-13, 19:48
You were both right, I am much better now. As the day has gone on, I have improved slowly and am feeling pretty OK again now. Hopefully ready for a relaxing night.
Good news, these horrible blips happen but they do away when you get this stage, they are sent to try us I think. xxx
Yep in the middle of one right now. Had chest pain almost constantly throughout the day. I've done my cbt exercises and know I'm being irrational however it can get scary when the symptoms go on for so long.
I'm going to stay strong though and know I'll get through this and not give my anxiety the satisfaction of dragging me back down.
Hope it passes soon Arnie, it is difficult when they will not go away, but you are strong and you will get through it.
Thanks Janine. More frustrated with myself than anything and really fighting the temptation to stick my head in the sand and go to sleep as its not the answer. If I go to bed mid panic I wake up with it again so think I need to let this pass completely.
Yes you are right, you have to calm first because even if i drifted off I would wake with a start feeling sick and hot flashes with that horrible panicky feeling so let it calm which will hopefully be soon and then get some rest.
Kayleigh100
03-01-13, 21:16
It's amazing how much you learn about yourself and your reactions through all of this and how much 'talking' (albeit with posted words) helps support you at low times. looking back at my posts last night - it seems like a different era. Oh, how our mind messes with us.
Oh yes it's frightening how out of control and irrational you can feel with it.
The mind is amazing but when it's working against you it's really hard to think straight. Quite often I've had panic attacks and the next day thinking rational feel really stupid for the way I acted.
Hope you both have a good nights sleep, we are all here to help each other, we don't know each other but some how it just makes you feel better.
Kayleigh100
04-01-13, 06:04
Yay! Slept until 6!!!!!
Morning! 5.30am for me so not too bad (usually get up at 6 for work anyway!).
Feeling ok this morning and chest pains have pretty much gone. Here's to a good day.
Morning!
Glad to hear that you are both feeling better:)
I woke with extreme anxiety and waves of panic trying to get on top of it, must be the festive activities and too much bubbly, haven't drank for 3 days though? To top it off I am on antibiotics for a tooth abcess and have sickness and the other end, feel awful, can't cope:(
Need hugsx
Hi Jackie
Sorry to hear that. It's horrible waking up in that state.
Sorry you are Ill as we'll. My wife had this a few weeks ago and it was most unpleasant. Good news is it passed quite quickly. Hope it will for you as well :hugs:
michellehughes79
04-01-13, 09:34
hi kayleigh. sorry to hear u had a panick attack. ive never had one myself luckily but i do suffer from depression and anxiety aswell as being a recovering addict.
i am new to this site but reading posts like urs lets me know im not alone.
I hope you feel better soon.
Kayleigh and Arnie, glad you both had good nights and feel better this morning, hope you both have good days.
Jackie, it could be a bug that you have and they do make you feel lousy and will make you feel anxious because you feel so unwell, you say you are on antibiotics, have you been on them long, I had some Amoxocilin in the summer and only took 4 and they upset my tummy so much I had to stop taking them, just a thought. I have to have non penicillin based ones now. xx
Hi Janine
Thanks for your reply and kind words.
Could be a bug, yes they are the Amoxocilin. Just feel on the verge of panic all the time managed to make it into work, but feel spaced out and terrible dont want anyone to know:(
Jackie xx
How long have you been on them, you could ring the dentist or your docs and ask them for non penicllin based ones, they will understand.
It is horrible when you feel so anxious but I think a lot of it is because you feel so unwell, have you not got a friend at work that you could confide in and have some support whilst you are there. xx
Hi Janine
Yes, I have been know if I talk I will burst into tears and then the panic will never stop, just cant seem to get a grip, I am defo not going home as then I will dread coming back in on Monday. Can anxiety last forever? May sound like a stupid question, but cant remember feeling right:(
Kayleigh100
04-01-13, 19:34
Hi Jackie, how are you now, are you home? Hope you have a relaxing weekend.
I have had a good day today. So, so, busy but no dodgy turns and calm all day. Now I have the weekend off and a trip to town tomorrow as my son needs new school shoes for next week. Hoping to get them in the sales. I have some food vouchers too so we are going to have a proper dinner out, so minimal cooking tomorrow too. Think I might treat myself to some new boots if I see some.
Our village pharmacy didn't have Bach remedies in the other day, so I will get those too. There is a big Boots store there.
Hope you had a good day Arnie.
Hi Kayleigh, what a difference a couple of days make, you sound so much better and you have a really nice day planned for tomorrow, I have been to the shops this afternoon and got new work shoes, we had a really nice coffee and almond croissant out and it was lovely. Am at work tomorrow.
Arnie hope you have had a good day too, I read on another thread that you and your wife are expecting a baby, how exciting!!!
Jackie was really worried about you after you pm'd me earlier, hope you are feeling a bit better, let me know how you are.
xxxx
Hi Janine not a great day chest pain wise but riding it out ok. Just got to keep plugging away and I'm refusing to slip backwards with this.
So excited about the baby, it's great news but think it is sat behind my anxiety. Now I have another little person who needs me to stick around!
Just downloaded a cbt app on my iphoneandvery impressed! Cbt on the go!
Take care
Well done on the down load, I am afraid I am useless at things like that but I have 3 grown up sons who do it for me.
You are probably right about the anxety but I am sure you will be so caught up in the exitement that you will get through, everyone is anxious about being a parent but it is the best feeling ever and at least you have got started on your treatment and on the way to that light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi Guys
Great news Kayleigh that feel a lot better and gradulations to Arnie great news:)
I have panicked stressed had extreme anxiety, calmed down, and then done it all again! I managed to make my hubby chilli when I got in from work and had a little dance with my dogs to MTV! Feeling up, down and scared tears won't come. I defo need to go Docs and organise counselling it just takes do long and see a different Doc every time! I don't want him to put my meds up, on 20mg Cit dunno if they have stopped working or got reverse effects.
Janine thanks so much for today xx
Kayleigh100
04-01-13, 21:07
Arnie, didn't realise you were soon to be a parent. It's a wonderful time, although I quite understand the worries too! Births and tiny babies are so amazing. The worst thing I found was sleep deprivation, so watch that. As if we on this forum aren't sleep deprived enough already!
My two are 14 and 16 now and next week they go back to school and college. My eldest has a particular talent and I love it when she is at college as she brings home such interesting conversation and art work and it acts a little as escapism for me, from the manic financial world I work in.
Having nailed the triggers with the GP yesterday, I can see why I am so suscepitable to major panics and then calms. I have identified where the triggers are. How on earth I am ever go to rid myself of them in my business though, I don't know. Hopefully that is where CBT will help me.
Hope you have a better night, Jackie.
Hi Jackie, see how you feel over weekend, today could just be the worst day, Christmas and New Year, your tooth infection and the antibiotics and how ill you was feeling this morning.
It may be worth waiting to see the Doctor that you like the most and talk to them about how you are feeling, I do not know anything about Cit so not sure what doseage is good but even if you need to up it then that maybe what you need for a while or like you say some counselling or even both if necessary.
Let me know how you are getting on. xx
Kayleigh100
04-01-13, 21:16
Antibiotics can make you feel down as well, I think. I agree trying to see a doctor you have met and liked to talk too sounds a good idea.
Hope you all have a good weekend, I am working but I enjoy it so I do not mind.
Try and stay stress free and relax.
xxx
Kayleigh100
04-01-13, 22:30
Thanks.
Hi Kayleigh touch wood my sleep is the one thing not really affected by my anxiety oddly. I can always fall asleep no problem even when anxious but I have been waking up early some mornings 3.30am the other day wide awake! I am a heavy sleeper though so might be my wife taking the brunt of the night shifts as I'm awful to wake up at times. Punching and kicking me has been resorted to in the past without much success lol
Kayleigh100
05-01-13, 14:20
I've bought the Bach rescue remedies. There was a nice selection in the Boots branch.
I got a 'night' spray one and a normal spray one (which I assume is for day because it's not called night..lol) and then a pack of night rescue remedy melts, which are tabs you put on your tounge and they dissolve. The latter purchase was because they were free as the Bach was on a three for two offer and the lady stood next to me said they worked really well for her. I was told at the till that I can't use those and the night spray at the same time. Anyone heard of them?
Not tried the tabs. Tried the spray (only once) and it didn't do much for me but had the chewing gum and that worked quite well. don't know how much was down to just the chewing action and how much down to what's in the gum but it worked so no questions asked!
Kayleigh100
05-01-13, 15:46
Got to love the placebo effect.
It's a case of trying something to aid my sleep while trying to avoid the sleeping tabs as doctor said only use them when I really need them and most nights that is not the case.
Hi Kayleigh, glad you managed to get some of the rescue remedy, I would use the meltlets during the day if you need them, I will have to have a look as I have not seen those.
Hope you continue to feel better,
Arnie how are you feeling today, hopefully no more panic attacks.
Hi Janine much better day today thanks. Had a banana first thing when I woke up and not had indigestion all day which is first in 4. Made myself go to the gym as well so quite pleased with myself. Still filling my notebook with cbt negative thoughts but at least I'm recognising them now. Hope you've had an ok day?
Kayleigh100
05-01-13, 20:48
Thats good Arnie.
Thats really good, I had a real bad bout of indigestion and heart burn within the first few weeks alongside feeling dreadful and an out of hours doctor who was lovely told me to drink a 3rd bottle of Gaviscon alongside some other meds and it really worked, I never would have drunk that much but did it because he told me and I was desperate, so I did that when it got too much again and eventually I did not need it anymore.
---------- Post added at 21:19 ---------- Previous post was at 21:18 ----------
Oh and I have had a good day thank you, have been to work but it has been a good day catching up with people I had not seen since before Christmas.
Kayleigh100
06-01-13, 10:04
Pleased you had an enjoyable day yesterday, Janine.
I've had the best nights sleep for ages! Not assuming it was the rescue spray quite yet, but it is looking very hopeful.
Hi Guys
Just some guidance on the Bachs products can you mix them with Cit and do they make you anxious or leave you feeling groggy?
Jackie xx
Kayleigh100
06-01-13, 11:03
I'm not on Cit, so don't know. I spoke to the pharmacist when I bought them and I told him what meds I had been prescribed and he told me what I should and shouldn't do. One of the things he said was don't take it with the sleeping medication I have but as I only have that for emergencies (and have actually never used it) that's Ok for me.
Kayleigh100
07-01-13, 17:53
It didn't work last night, so it's not a perfect cure, but it's not a complete surprise given the demands on me at the moment.
Hi Kayleigh, how are you feeling apart from not sleeping? xxxx
Kayleigh100
07-01-13, 19:34
Given I have clear triggers, which I can identify but have to face head-on and cannot avoid, I think the fluoxetine is helping keep me relatively calm and able to concentrate. I am, generally, feeling in control again. My next potential major trigger is likely to be Friday this week (and it is fully prepared for in so much as it ever can be) so I am currently focussing on each day at a time, and trying to accept Friday will come and need to be dealt with.
So, I think in the circumstances, I am doing OK. Just hoping I don't have another flip like last week.
The CBT letter came today and I have to ring them tomorrow. That will give me some idea of the timescale for help there.
Alos, my husband booked us a family weekend away in about 6 weeks time with a spa session and massage for me as part of it. I am determined to enjoy it and, hopefully, when I have got my mind around it, also start to look forward to it. I have allowed myself to be surrounded by negativity and stress and have lost sight of the fun side of my life. In fact, I think I have shut fun out for some reason - like I don't deserve it or if I look on life positively then it will all be taken away from me. I haven't quite nailed why yet, but I am definitely allowing myself to take on board stress and negativity only.
Interestingly, when I told my Mum about the weekend away the only thing she said was "How will you manage that with school?" (Guess what, we have done this exact weekend before with her and Dad and we picked kids up after school arriving about 7 o'clock) and, then, "Well, I hope the weather is kind for you" (But there is loads of indoor stuff we can do if we want). Hardly surprising I am negative all the time!!! I haven't noticed it before but she is like it all the time - nothing is ever good enough. Even our summer 2013 holiday which we booked a while back (because we usually leave it too late and never go anywhere in the end) when I told her, she said, "Oh, Alan lives there and in August this year he couldn't work because it was so hot" . I did immediately say, that is why we have a place with a pool, fridge and air conditioning, but she never changes it to the positive. Grrrrrrrrr.
Hi Kayleigh, You do deserve some fun and you sound like you have a very caring husband to do that for you, hopefully when you get whatever it is on Friday out of the way you will be able to relax, it is good you feel in control again.
Honestly I could have wrote those words you have about your mum, if you read the thread that Supersal started you will see that I have had huge problems with mine, she is always negative and says some really hurtful things. It is even worse now that Dad is not here to talk to. I have just put the phone down from her she was really off when I rang because I had not rung before (I only rang her Friday) I know it was because my youngest son and girlfriend came out with us on Friday and she is jealous because she wants to be asked, everytime I go anywhere I am frightened to say as she says I could have come there, it is so so hard at times.
So absolutely know where you are coming from and the thing is because we are like we are it goes round and round in your head.
xxxx
Kayleigh100
07-01-13, 20:07
I really think I need to understand this thing to try and stop it destroying me. Yes, hubby is lovely.
I wonder if that was the crux of the two negative holiday responses. In the past they have come with us on some holidays athough, equally, so have my in-laws some times. Other times we have been on our own. I wonder if she wishes they had been invited.
Sad thing is, I just can't take her while I am like this, because nothing there will be good enough - the pool will be too cold, or the shower too slow or too powerful. There will be a whole raft of minor things daily not right.
I do avoid saying things that we are doing. I've not dared show her the summer holiday because we have three bedrooms, sleeps 6, and she will probably wonder why we are 'wasting' two beds but the childrens only request when we asked where they like to go was could they have their own rooms if we go for two weeks (boy and girl and well into their teens).
I really must give Supersals thread a read!
Hi Kayleigh
How are you feeling today?
xx
Kayleigh100
08-01-13, 18:52
Hi Jackie. Thanks for asking.
I had a good night last night and a pretty calm day. Because I am exceptionally busy that can work two ways - great for making time pass fast but equally much easier to find myself suddenly in a haze of panic (which didn;t happen, so that makes it a good day!). CBT is booked for the 21st January - it's a pre-assessment session, so wait to see what that involves. I booked in my weekend break in the diary, allowing myself the Friday and Monday off around it and I felt happy doing it - albeit brief, it was my first 'happy' feeling for quite sometime.
I just hope it lasts.
How are you? And Arnie and Janine?
You sound good Kayleigh, I think you will enjoy your weekend and it is something to look forward to during these winter months.
I am fine, have had a really busy day at work but am now off for rest of the week until Saturday so am going to catch up on lots of odd jobs at home as I have a really busy two weeks after this one.
xxx
Kayleigh100
08-01-13, 20:14
You are good; catching up on odd jobs home is not my greatest strength!
I am pleased with my progress but, after last weeks blip, I know how potentially vulnerable I still am, especially as I work up to facing and dealing with my major stresses. It's a fine line currently and I am pleased I am staying on the right side of it at the moment.
I am aware I am vunerable still and I know that it is the meds keeping me stable so you are right it is a very thin line, I get nervous inside doing things I have always done without thinking about it even though I am lucky that no one seems to notice, I take things to heart more too. All this is alien to me as I never suffered with anything like this until I had my infection in August which was a trigger but they seem to think it was a build up with losing my dad etc so I cant really blame anything.
Hi Guys
Good to hear you are ok, Kayleigh holiday sounds great:)
I have been a little better today, just feel like a bit of a failure that I have had to have meds put up:(. They have got counselling phoning me back and doing CBT at home but Doc says I need it face to face. Went to gym with hubby after work had a swim and sauna.
Jackie xx
Kayleigh100
09-01-13, 00:55
That's just like me Jackie! Instead of thinking, great - now I have a higher dose of meds I might improve, I would be negative and feel disappointed too. We have to try to be positive and that is something I am finding hard but trying!!
You can see from time of this post I am up again. I slept well until a few minutes ago and then woke - not in panic, but with a jolt. I'm feeling tired again though, quite quickly, so will try and return now to some more zzzzzzzzzzs.
Hopefully see you in the morning....have a good night all. Sleep well.
Kayleigh100
09-01-13, 16:52
OMG (as the kids say!), this is me!!!
Thanks to the website mind.org.uk
Negative thinking patterns can start in childhood, and become automatic and relatively fixed. For example, if you didn't get much open affection from your parents but were praised for doing well in school, you might think: "I must always do well. If I do well, people will like me; if don't, people will reject me." If you have thoughts like these, this can work well for you a lot of the time; for example, it can help you to work hard and do well at your job. But if something happens that's beyond your control and you experience failure, then this way of thinking may also give you thoughts like: "If I fail, people will reject me." You may then begin to have 'automatic' thoughts like, "I've completely failed. No one will like me. I can't face them."
I have been there and now gone one step further. Without medication, I now predict pretty much everything negatively/as a failure and, when I do, it triggers panic attacks and that in turn cause the negativity to turn to the extreme and catastrophic thinking. My body even seems to like me being negative - like I deserve it - almost like a form of self harm.
Hi Everyone
How are we?
My day has been up and down again. Woke with anxiety, walked the dogs, went to work, had awful intrusive thoughts, anxious at the moment but it's sort of deep down in my stomach, I think it's because I am going home soon, I sometimes see my hope as an anxious prison as when anxiety has hit bad in the past it's when I am there, sort of an association thingy?
Also only on 2nd day of upped meds. Any thoughts/advice?
Jackie xx
Kayleigh100
10-01-13, 09:47
I was OK yesterday. Bit jittery today.
Had best nights sleep last night though that I have had for ages. Could be due to any one, or more, of : Avon sleep balm, Bach Night Rescue spray or warm bath.
Kayleigh at least one of those worked or maybe it was the combination!!
Thing is you can cope with a lot more if you have had a good nights sleep so hope it lasts for you.
xxx
Kayleigh100
10-01-13, 13:42
Hope so!
Jackie, how are things today. What sort of timescale did the doc say the new medication levels would need to take effect?
Hi Kayleigh
How are you today?
Doc did not give timescale have to go back in 2 weeks. I am ok but got strange feelings, odd thoughts, I am putting it down to the meds. Just a bit scared that I am not gonna get better but I suppose we all think like that. I feel the meds are keeping my anxiety at bay, so I have booked private sessions with a CBT counsellor on the 6th Feb.
Jackie xx
Kayleigh100
10-01-13, 18:58
Maybe if you keep a diary of how you feel each day/night that might help you cope between now and the next doctors appointment plus you'll have all the information to hand when you get to see him (and CBT too, if that is the sort of thing they ask about - not been yet myself, so not quite sure what that involves)
I have had a completely manic day. At work I just didn't stop and then I had to pop to the surgery for a few tests needed as they are investigating a lump and some other symptoms I have. Have to go back again tomorrow morning for a test which has to be done on the day the hospital 'courier' comes.
Hope I can sleep as well tonight.
Hope you are OK.
Hope you have a good night, sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment with all your tests, hope they ok. xxxx
Kayleigh100
10-01-13, 20:57
Thanks.
The ongoing tests are some of the things that trigger my panic attacks and worry about what they may find sometimes causes me attacks too. Pressure of work triggers me sometimes or the current serious sickness of a very close colleague. I have, finally, identified most of my triggers. Unfortunately, I cannot do away with them. They are happening and I have to face them, deal with them and move on - hopefully without falling apart first with anxiety.
I am hoping CBT (and the medication) will help me handle so much at one time without getting sudden panic attacks where I catastrophise and think the very worst is bound to happen.
I am crossing fingers as I have now nearly managed a week since the last one.
it is all very difficult but you sound like you are sorting it in your head and I think the CBT along with the medication will really help you, you have come a long way since that really bad attack last week. It is easy to think straight when you are feeling ok but once thos panic attacks start it goes out the window very easily.
Sleep well get tomorrow over with and then it is the weekend. xxx
Hi Guys
Hope you are ok?
Kayleigh I wish you a restful night and will be thinking of you tomorrow:)
How are you Janine?
Got my appetite back a bit, stuffed myself on an Indian now really bloated!
Sleep well xxxx
Giood news that you have your appetite back, you sound a lot brighter than you did this time last week,
I am fine thank you now off to bed, feeling really tired tonight so hopefully get off to sleep easily xxx
Kayleigh100
11-01-13, 04:25
Indian....yummy! Pleased you are feeling like normal food again.
I've slept well until about 3.30. Had an hour awake and now starting to feel dozy again. Mind is racing but I feel ok. Off to get some more zzzzzs. See you all in the morning!
Kayleigh100
11-01-13, 18:59
Pretty good day today despit a bit of a broken night last night. Managed to get through today calmly, which I am really pleased about. Lots of work done as well as the tests done. Not sure when those results come back.
Tired now but I have the weekend off.
Hubby out tonight so, once I have helped my son with his revision for next week, I will chill in front of the TV watching some of my recordings (I hardly ever watch TV so there is a whole load of recordings I can pick from!)
How is everyone else?
Good news Kayleigh, glad you got through it all calmly, hopefully results will not take too long.
You are probably tired because of the relief of getting through today, you deserve to chill, i keep recording things too and watch them when I go to bed, then i fall sleep and have to rewind it again the next night!!!
xxx
Hi Guys!
Glad you are both ok and had good days:)
I have had a REALLY bad day, worst symptoms, went to Docs not really much help, sat at pub with husband trying to make sense of everything:(
Jackie xx
Sorry to hear that Jackie, hopefully you will feel better tomorrow.
xxx
Kayleigh100
11-01-13, 21:16
Oh sorry Jackie :( These down times are sooooo draining. Hope talking about it tonight in the pub helped and just a few weeks now until you have CBT.
Hope you sleep well tonight xx
Kayleigh100
12-01-13, 07:29
Slept well but woken with a jolt and minor panic (not like last week) and catastrophic thinking. Try to follow the CBT stuff I have read about assessing the likelihood of the catastrophe happening but all my mind does is say, with so many things going on, one of them must come true as a catastrophe.
Dread to think how I will cope if I ever actually find one of these things develops into something more serious.
I hope the doctors test results come back soon.
You had a lot to cope with yesterday so it is bound to catch up with you a little, try and have a relaxing day and not to worry, I am sure that everything will come back fine and put your mind at rest, it is this horrible waiting time that winds us up.
Big Hugs xxx
Kayleigh100
12-01-13, 11:07
Thanks. I went back to sleep and am just getting up now. We have decided to go out today. It's only some food shopping we need but we are going to travel to a store further away - more choice and will take longer to look around and we will get lunch out.
Just got to get myself out of bed first!
Hi there
Same as me woke up stomach in knots too tablets and fell back to sleep until 10!
Feel calm but a bit like there is nothing to look forward to and I have got loads! Like what's the point?
Anybody get this with their anxiety?
Jackie x
Kayleigh100
12-01-13, 11:29
Oh Gosh, yes, Jackie. Most people would look at my life and laugh at me feeling like that but I do! I manage to turn everything to the negative. I know I have lots of (potentially) awful things going on at the moment but I can't control them - I have to get to CBT to help me deal with the time it's going to take to get through them all.
You have CBT coming up in the next month too, don't you? Hopefully it will be really helpful to us.
Hi
Yes got CBT on 6 February. Are you on meds Kayleigh? Sometimes I feel great like the old me is trying to break out, other times it's hard like walking through treacle.
Jackie xx
Kayleigh100
12-01-13, 12:05
I'm on about week 10 of Fluoxetine 20mg. I have sleeping medication but have never used it. I am having various tests as you know for a lump I have plus some other symptoms which I am expecting to need some further medications or, possibly, surgery. I've had a letter come from the surgery today to book in for a routine smear - I've not been in the surgery for years and now I feel as if I am living there!
Kayleigh100
12-01-13, 20:56
Im feeling calmer tonight, Jackie. I had to get myself out and see all the good things there are to see with life. That all sounds a bit saccharine but I do tend to spend more time thinking about my (potential) troubles than I do enjoying what is actually around me at the time. It's like I'm not living for now, I'm living for the future which I perceive negatively.
Jeeees I am an over thinker!
Kayleigh100
14-01-13, 15:57
Hiya Jackie and Janine, how are you today?
Hi Guy
How you all doing today, survive the weekend ok?
I am surprisingly ok today, so far at least, still getting the odd dark thought but trying to keep them at bay! May take Arnies advice and start writing them all down:)
Hugs
Jackie xx
Hi Both, have just driven home from work in thick snow and glad I have not got to go tomorrow, hopefully Wednesday it will be better as I have a journey to another property to do a stock take and again on Thursday, I am glad to be home in the warm cuddled up with my spaniels at the moment before I get tea ready, feel really quite good, how are you two. xxx
Kayleigh100
14-01-13, 19:09
Hi Janine, ohhh snow when you have to do something is annoying, but beautiful when you don't! Snuggled with the pets - something to appreciate. Hope you have a lovely day off tomorrow.
Good news, Jackie. Hopefully if you keep and then read your list, you'll see the number of thoughts like that getting less (or less severe).
I'm not too bad considering. I am trying to concentrate on the positive and just deal with the negative stuff as it comes. Only a week until CBT and, with any luck, I will have some of the test results back before then too.
Kayleigh100
15-01-13, 02:30
Woken now with anxiety.
Feel sick. Shaky. Still tired but head racing and can't sleep.
I just don't want to wait any longer - hope the test results come soon. Feel like I want to be picked up and transported forward so this whole awful wait is over. Lump and other symptoms still obvious and drives me insane with worry when I am like this.
Hi Kayleigh
Did you get back to sleep are you ok? When do you get the test results?
Jackie x
Kayleigh100
15-01-13, 07:47
I did get back to sleep. I'm OK but still shaky and teary. Test results 'about a week' but that was all that was said. Would make it Friday. I've a busy day today so hope once I get going I will settle down. Banana breakfast again.
Just realised I have taken the wrong medication this morning. I'm on a protective medication while awaiting the test results which I normally take every morning and I take Prozac at night. Just taken Prozac - grrrrr. Maybe swop around times I take them now. I've been getting a bit of heartburn from Prozac before bed, so a swop might not be a bad thing.
Feel such a failure. Was doing so well.
Hun it is perfectly normal for any person to feel anxious and scared about any tests results, unfortunately us anxiety sufferers deal with this feeling completely different, we think we are always going feel like this, get more anxiety and panic. I will be thinking of you today big hugs xxx
Kayleigh, just caught up with the posts, hopefully you are feeling better now, I think you are not going to feel right until you get your test results and they put your mind at rest. You said you have a busy day so hopefully it will help take your mind off things.
Let us know how you are later xxx
Kayleigh100
15-01-13, 13:22
I've had a productive morning - losing myself in little individual projects at work. Trying to break the day into little individual hours, to get through it. I've stopped for lunch and am pretty shaky, so am going to take a decent break in the hope I can then settle again.
Kayleigh100
15-01-13, 17:57
I have had one answerphone call left today from the hospital referral team asking me to call and make an appointment, so I can call them tomorrow when they open at 8.30. That was one lot of tests (lump ones). I don't know how much a hospital secretary will know, but if she wants me to make an urgent appointment then I will ask to speak to someone as well if I can. If it is not urgent, then, I guess, that speaks for itself.
Just the GP ones to come back now (blood tests)
Do you still have snow, Janine. If so, stay safe tomorrow.
Kayleigh100
16-01-13, 14:40
The secretary couldn't tell me anything, it was a call centre type thing BUT I am going on 25th so not long to wait but I could have not accepted that appointment and gone onto a waiting list, so I assume it's not urgent. I will try and use that as a positive on the basis I cannot control it anyway.
Just waiting for bloods now. Quite why different things are done in different places, I do not know!
Hi Kayleigh
How are you feeling?
It sounds non urgent, these systems at the hospitals are strange set ups. My docs surgery is annoying, you can't book an appointment unless it's 2 weeks time, then they won't let you have an emergency one without telling the Receptionist ( who defo needs to go on a Customer Care Course) all your business!
Last week when I was going through my hard time, I turned up and asked for an emergency appointment, said Receptionist looked at me over the top of her glasses I said "just cause you can't see what I am going through does not mean its not real", she said "3.30 and shouted next"!
Freezing in Milton Keynes, -5!
Hugs x
Kayleigh100
16-01-13, 15:34
I am coping but I feel just on the coping side of the line, if you know what I mean. That it won't take anything much to set me into panic again but I am not in panic now. I also slept well last night, which was a bonus.
I just tell our GP receptionist that it's not something I want to talk about and they have been OK so far. I think if you have a bouncer type receptionist it makes it very difficult.
I think you are coping really well Kayleigh with waiting for the results and the anxiety it must cause. If you do have a wobbly, you will get through it, thinking of you x
Kayleigh100
16-01-13, 20:21
Thanks.
I've got 3 appointments next week (CBT, Smear (that's just routine) and this hospital one.) My secretary, who keeps my diary, was getting really worried about me today and came to see me to find out if I was falling apart. I told her what was going on in confidence, especially as there may possibly be another one once the bloods come back!
I also have a huge deadline at work in a weeks time. Meeting that will be another milestone met.
Love to you all for your continued support and hope you have all been well today xx
Hi both, have just got home so caught up with your posts and I am out early tomorrow again, I have been working about an hour from home today, roads clear of the snow but been very foggy, am going an hour and half in other direction tomorrow.
Jackie you seem like you are feeling a bit better and Kayleigh I think you are coping very well considering all that it is going on but you seem to be thinking about things in the right way. Try not to worry I am sure everything is going to be fine.
Hugs to you both xxx
Kayleigh100
17-01-13, 09:37
Yay. Bloods are back and they are fine.
Kayleigh100
17-01-13, 14:02
I've had a call to pop into the surgery and I have been taken off of the protective medication for the lump and put onto an antibiotic at hospitals request. Sounds to me like they think my lump may be an infection.
I am already starting to feel a little bit calmer.
Isn't it amazing how something can happen and suddenly we feel calmer and it all seems to fall into a much better place, that is really good news and the fact that they are already treating it.
I am not well myself today, I woke up in the night with a bad attack of diverticulitus which brings on anxiety with me, I have not been able to travel to a job I was doing today as my tummy is so sore and I never know when I am going to need the loo and I would not have been able to concentrate, I feel terrible about not going although I can reshedule it, I think i learnt when I was going through my really bad patch that I was pushing myself too hard and it must stop.
xxx
Kayleigh100
17-01-13, 15:58
Yes, it is amazing. I remember when I started thinking about my anxiety I came up with 7 triggers - things going on in my life I had to deal with and which brought anxiety along with them. I started by intending to tick them all off thinking once they had been and gone, everyhting would be hunky-dory again. What actually happened is as one went another would come. It's like because I over-think I can manage to find a pile of things coming up which I can look on negatively if it suits me to (which it seems to when I am in this state!).
I suppose the wait for CBT has been useful in that it has given me time to think these things through. I can't possibly think straight when I am unwell, so it takes time to identify all this stuff which is going on. I seem to realise more and more as time goes on.
It sounds like your triggers are quite different. I will go and look up diverticulitus in a minute...never heard of it! You are right not working with that sort of problem though - no wonder it brings on anxiety. Just need to be near facilities and thats not possible working away like that. Hope it improves as the day goes on.
Good luck with the snow Janine and Jackie. I may be spared as I am right down on the foot of Cornwall.
Yes they think it was losing my dad, dealing with my mum who is not easy and then having the infection, which is basically a bowel infection, little pockets in your colon get inflamed, luckily most of the time it plays me up for a couple of days like now and then goes but in August it was really really bad and that is what seemed to start this all off so yes different people have different triggers.
Mostly today I just feel tired and have a thumping headache, I have rearranged what I was supposed to do today for early in February.
Xxx
xxx
Hi Guys
How are we?
Janine I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well at the moment:(. It's good you re-arranged things to take pressure off.
Kayleigh its great to hear your bloods are ok, must be a big weight off?
I have felt a bit better today, keep getting that stomach dropping feeling though. When I am getting on at work, achieving stuff etc, my mind sort of tells me stop feeling better, it's strange. I have my Docs review on Monday and over the last couple of days have had a long hard think about everything.
Cornwall you lucky thing:). It's snowing in Milton Keynes now, tomorrow everywhere is getting it I think.
Hugs xxx
Yes lucky you Kayleigh, Cornwall is so beautiful, we had two great holidays down there when my boys were younger.
Jackie, I am not far from you really as I live in Norfolk about 30 miles from Cambridge.
xx
Kayleigh100
18-01-13, 17:53
Yay, it's the weekend again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Two days off :)
We've only had very heavy rain here - are you all snowed in?
We have had a little today but not huge amounts like some, we still had a lot laying around from monday although the main roads are fine, I think we have been lucky and missed it today, I am working at the weekend and they are saying Sunday is going to be bad at the moment, I am trying not to think about it.
Hope you have a great weekend as you deserve it after the week you have had.
xxx
Kayleigh100
20-01-13, 17:50
Weekend nearly over. It's been nice and relaxing. Tired already, so will probably veg out and watch some rubbish Sunday TV and get an early night.
Busy week ahead but that's OK, so long as everything goes smoothly! Looking forward to starting CBT tomorrow.
Hope you have all had good weekends too and are feeling strong.
Hi Guys
How are we all?
Had a good weekend, stressful week ahead and the snow is thick here!
Hugs
Jackie xx
Kayleigh100
21-01-13, 19:36
No snow here but very cold indeed (although probably not as cold as where you are - just feels like it!)
Long day. Son had a bad day at school - nothing major but one thing on top of another and when I got in he was very upset and frustrated. It made me feel guilty for working full time (which I have to at the moment). Luckily a long chat and he calmed down a bit and still went to music club tonight. That should help him relax a bit.
I had CBT and it was very interesting. A lot of questions today and the time flew by. I have been given a set of exercises to work through and two small practical changes. I have two weeks to do it in, so it will be interesting to see how I get on. I felt a real rapport with the therapist and she seemed to really understand my triggers, which is good. All the pre-thinking I have done really helped me explain how I feel and what is going on and I am pleased I spent the time doing it.
Glad that it went well, it is good you feel a rapport with the therapist as that will help you relax more.
It is horrible when our children have bad days, I remember when mine were younger and they would have bad days and I would feel as bad as them and want to make everything right for them, even now they are grown up I hate to seem them sad or upset, Ben my middle son was going out with a girl he really liked and then got dumped and I went to bed and worred about him being hurt and he is 26.
xx
Kayleigh100
21-01-13, 21:08
I guess we are conditioned to care for them. Even when we know its something they have to work through themselves. Pleased you feel as I do. My son is back from club now and a lot calmer.
I am exhausted tonight but hope to start the CBT practice stuff tomorrow.
Hope you and Jackie have good days tomorrow and stay safe while out in the white stuff.
Hi Guys!
Glad to hear you are ok?
Ooh CBT sounds good Kayleigh looking forward to starting mine:)
How are you feeling today Janine?
I am not too bad suffering with ladies stuff:( loads of snow here luckily roads are clear though!
Big hugs
Jackie x
I am good Jackie, will be glad when the snow goes, it is very pretty but having to drive in it is not good and it is also freezing where I work as it is a draughty building.
Kayleigh. hope the practice goes well tomorrow.
Sleep well both of you xxx
Kayleigh100
24-01-13, 19:01
Nearly at the end of another week. Phew.
I have my hospital appointment tomorrow (to decide what to do about the lump) and a busy day at work around it but I am looking forward to it, actually. Be nice to know what is going to happen and what it is. I've assumed an infection since they put me on antibiotics.
Despite being relatively calm I feel exhausted every night and I've been unable, for some strange reason, to face the CBT worksheets she wants me to work through. However, I have implemented a worry time - a set time at night where I list my worries and formulate a positive plan to deal with them and then stop at the end of the set time until the next day. It is working so far. I haven't had any terrible worries added to my load this week but I did have one crop up (which only a few weeks ago would have caused a panic attack) and I was able to say to myself that I would worry at worry time about it, and it worked!!!! I was amazed. It is early days but I will continue and report how I get on as time goes on and more worries crop up.
Hope the white stuff has gone from your area and that you are well and having an OK week.
Hi Hun
That's great news, I am looking forward to my CBT. You sound positive about tomorrow which is good:)
I am having a not so good week:(. Feel quite emotional up and down have anxiety in the mornings. I have been on my increased dose of Cit for 17 days now, wondering if it's that?
Hugs
Jackie x
Kayleigh100
24-01-13, 20:11
I don't know about Cit, Jackie, because I am on prozac but I was definitely worse for the first four weeks than I was before and then had blips up to eight weeks and from 8 weeks + have settled down a bit. I am pleased I went through what I did to get here, because I think I need to be calmer than I was without meds to face and work through CBT, which I don't think I would be without some sort of medication.
Without meds I was an anxious mess. Constantly.
When I started to get better it was the morning for me that were the most difficult. I used to just deal with them an hour at a time - I found by about 10 o'clock I was through the worst. Do you have a time of day it seems to get a bit better?
I really hope CBT works for you.
Morning is worse for me, I bumble my way through it, but a bit up and down all day at the moment. With regards to my meds, I feel that I would really benefit from a professional who could explain to me the best route. For example I saw Doc for a check up this week explained I was still anxious at times, I asked her if she thought it was the slight increase in meds, whether I should change etc. she said it might be and might not, sometimes they stop working but she is not sure. I suppose looking for a bit if knowledgeable reassurance that I am doing the right thing.
Xx
Kayleigh100
25-01-13, 04:44
My CBT lady asked about my medications, side effects and how I perceived they were helping (or not) but then concentrated on trying to work out strategies I could use to help me cope with the (in my case) anxiety causing my panic attacks. So - I suppose - I can learn to control them and not the attacks control me. I only had about 30-40 minutes though and that was a lot of questions with some things to try at the end. I will go back every few weeks for a couple of months and probably learn more during that time.
What I am finding strange is my inability to look at the worksheets. I tried the CBT link through this website too a month or so ago and had the same problem. It's like my brain is anti- thinking about it - which is rather self destructive! In the end I have done myself a deal - a week of doing just the practical worry time thing and at the weekend I will do the two worksheets, one a day.
Kayleigh100
25-01-13, 18:05
Been to the hospital today. I have two more months of low dose antibiotics and if it hasn't gone then I need surgery to take it out - just a local anaesthetic and half hour op. Day or so off of work. I think that can be considered as good news.
I've ten days left until the major work deadline is complete, so, hard week next week but then things there should calm down a bit. I'll have loads to do, but nothing like what I have had for the last four months.
We have another weekend ahead now......hope you all have a lovely, relaxing time.
Did you have a difficult morning again today, Jackie?
Hi Hun
Good news sounds like a pretty straight forward op? Woke first thing with anxiety but managed to get rid of it. Just had strange feelings and thoughts all day, I am thinking it must be the increase in meds as I can't think when I have ever felt like this before!
Hugs
Jackie x
Kayleigh100
25-01-13, 19:08
Go into hospital, 1 inch incision to remove with stitches after, allowed to leave after a while of feeling OK with some pain meds - just can't drive home and may need a day or two off of work but that just depends on how I feel. Sounds pretty straight forward but I am hoping it goes with the antibiotics in the next two months because, if it does, it saves me that hassle.
Your mornings do sound like the med changes. So similar to what I had when I went onto meds.
Just off now to have my worry time (because it worked so well I have created two sessions now. worry time and happy time - in happy time I create a list of all the good things I have to celebrate - try to remind myself, despite all the worries and stresses I do undoubtedly have, there are some good things too. I have a habit of losing sight of them completely in a sea of negativity)
xxk
Hi both, mornings are still hard for me, i am alright once I put two feet on the floor it is such an effort, before all this I was always a morning person.
Kayleigh, good news, I am sure it wll go with the antibiotics but at least even if you have to have it out it is nothing to worry about.
Hope you find the CBT helpful,
I have had a busy week too with only one day off so feel a bit shattered and am now at work until Tuesday but thats how it is sometimes.
XXX
Kayleigh100
27-01-13, 17:12
Another weekend over. My last ten days coming up before my work deadline. Should be finished by Friday if all goes to plan but then we have five days spare in case we hit any last minute issues. This is normally a height of work stress but I am trying not to worry because we really have twice the amount of time left that we need to get this done, but it is always a concern until it all actually comes together. Tonight I feel split between partly shaky (adrenaline because I am preparing for the week maybe?) and, partly, I feel like I am on the blocks of a race, ready to go.
I am going to try (again) to face doing the CBT worksheets and maybe watch a bit of rubbish TV (unless there is actually something good on - I watch so little I never know until I switch it on!)
All the very best for the week ahead.
om sHope your week goes ok, like you said you have extra time if you need it but I am sure you won't, I have just spent the afternoon doinge some budgets that have to be in this week and I only had today to them as I have other things to do the other days I am at work, the thought was worse than actually doing them, it is something that is only done annually so I always worry that I have forgotten how to do it.
I like Sunday night TV so I am going to watch it after tea and a bath. xxx
Kayleigh100
27-01-13, 18:37
Well done on getting the budgets done and ready.
I managed to read one worksheet (go me!) and have now tuned into the ice dancing show. Looks dangerous!
xxk
Kayleigh100
29-01-13, 09:16
Oh no :( woken in panic - like sheer terror has hit me again. Plan A - banana breakfast and one hour at a time. I do hate this illness.
---------- Post added at 09:16 ---------- Previous post was at 06:00 ----------
Two hours done.
It is 3 now, you will be fine, I think it is because you have this deadline coming up. it is just one of these horrible blips. xxx you can get through this day..
Hi Kayleigh
Sending you massive hugs you will get through it and be fine, nothing can hurt you:)
Xxxxxxxx
Kayleigh100
29-01-13, 14:22
Lunch break now. Got this far. I seem OK when lost in work (albeit still flushed and hot) but, when I stop, I'm back to shaking and feeling awful. I am talking positively to myself, that I will get through it, but the negative demons are so strong.
Thanks for your support and understanding.
Kayleigh100
29-01-13, 18:28
Home now. It seems to take quite a long time after a full on panic attack like that to get back to normal and it's nasty (shakes, flushes, catastrophic worries) until it's over, so I'm still in that period at the moment.
It is so hard dealing with it though, when you think things are going so well and you suddenly find yourself in a dark place.
It's good on here that people understand. I think it's good to share and I'd feel so stupid discussing this with people who would try but just wouldn't understand.
:yahoo: Well Done Kayleigh, you have done amazingly today. Keep up the positive self talk - tell those negative demons to bugger off, they'll soon get bored of being ignored. Way to go girl, it's very hard but you are in control of your thinking and doing so well.
Love and hugs
Sam
Try and relax now you are home, remember last time it just lasted a day and then you started to feel better again, it is just one of these horrible blips.
xxx
Kayleigh100
30-01-13, 12:39
Thanks all.
I have made another appointment with the doctor today, although there is a while to wait, to have a review of my meds. I have realised the downward blips are worryingly dark and, in the upward phase, I think I experience some mania. I am also suffering from depersonalisation. To what degree I don't know. I hadn't realised it before but I am worried that I am maybe doing strange things. The problem is, it isn't easy to see in yourself. That's why I thought I had better go back to the Doctor and talk to him about it.
Hi Kayleigh
How are you feeling?
Jackie xx
Kayleigh100
30-01-13, 16:36
50/50 I would say. I think the 'panic hangover' I get is subsiding slowly.
I am hoping to face more worksheets tonight as I have until next Mondays CBT meeting to try and work through them. I have also just writen notes on how I have been managing up to this attack and then notes on it and I will keep them after too, right through until Monday.
I know the trigger - my sick business colleague (who I have been fully covering for over 6 months now - hence the work stress - we are self employed and have 8 staff to keep in work paid each month). He nearly died in 2012 and who was just starting to come back (a couple of hours a day) and has had a set back, we don't yet know how bad but it could be serious, hence the trigger with this at the same time as the deadline you know about.
Hi hun
I think there are positives and negatives. You have been right in the thick of it and survived, also plenty of stuff for your CBT so that will be good to work through next week.
The negatives your work colleague being poorly, that is very real and would take its toll on anybody especially worrying about him and the stress extra work. At least you know what the trigger was which helps.
Big hugs
Jackie xxx
Kayleigh100
30-01-13, 18:37
I know. You are very right there are positives and negatives to all of this.
It's strange to feel fine (albeit on that line) and then, suddenly, struck with terror/panic. Then, having to pull yourself together to focus on the job in hand. I definitely have a very good, natural, coping technique when it comes to not ignoring things - I very definitely don't exhibit safety behaviours. But facing things head on means, I suppose, I am bound to hit triggers and have blips. I try Janine's method of looking forward and remembering how I recovered last time within a day or so and, along with taking an hour at a time, I seem to come through it. I hope as time goes on I will get more used to this happening and the blips get further apart but I am a bit concerned about the down and up extremes I feel because they seem to be changing.
Kayleigh100
31-01-13, 20:19
Deadline met :) can't tell you what a relief that is.
Business colleague illness has come back, that has been confirmed, but they are hoping it can be controlled with meds and a hospital stay rather than major surgery again. I've now lined up a consultant I can call on for the future to help with bits and bobs.
Now, lets hope, I can settle down a bit.
A really good day Kayleigh, well done, sorry about your colleague but it sounds like it is all hopefull, it will aso be good to have some help.
and yes your weekend is creeping up and will give you a much needed break.
xxx
Kayleigh100
01-02-13, 20:29
Weekend here :) hope you are all well. I am calmer again, over the blip of last week. Have a good weekend everyone and thanks for your support.
Have a great weekend, I am back at work tomorrow and am not off until next Friday although I have Thursday morning off so a busy week.
xxx
Hi guys
Kayleigh well done for getting through this week, lots of obstacles and you did it:)
Janine hope your weekend is good even with work:)
Week been ok some ups and downs getting fed up with the downs so told them to bugger off!
Big hugs
Jackie xx
Kayleigh100
02-02-13, 07:36
Good luck with work Janine.
Well done Jackie on telling the downs where to go. I hope they soon get the message. You are doing so well.
Just woken from the first full nights sleep for ages (and I went to bed early because I was really tired). It seems like its going to be a cold one but there are clear skies, so I think we will go for a walk later. Blow some cobwebs away.
Kayleigh100
03-02-13, 15:15
Nice weekend off. A night out last night and a lie-in this morning. Followed by a lot of catch-up housework.
I feel vulnerable but 'back on the line' again. Cross fingers I can stay there, or improve. Even if it is slowly.
Good luck this week everyone. Hope it goes smoothly.
Glad you had a nice weeked off, just take it slowly and you will be fine, hope you have a smooth week too and you Jackie.
xxx
Kayleigh100
04-02-13, 16:16
Just had one of my typical triggers raise its head. I told myself that I will deal with it in worry time tonight (Jackie's bugger off theory!) plus I have dealt with sorting it proactively, so it should be sorted in the next couple of days. So far sheer panic has stayed away.
Hi Hun
Well done for controlling it Kayleigh, the "bugger off" theory worked:)
I have become fed up and annoyed with my anxiety, I just tell it "not interested, you are not even a living form to scare me", then I just think why am I anxious about something that doesn't exist? Seems to do the trick, well so far!
Hope you are well Janine?
Jackie x
Kayleigh100
04-02-13, 19:01
Thanks Jackie.
It'll be interesting to see if I can control it right through until the matter is sorted out. This is the sort of trigger that wakes me up at night in terror and I am trying to relax tonight and see if I can avoid that happening as overnight it's my subconscious working which is a lot harder to control.
Hugs to you all
K
Well done Kayleigh for controlling it so far, hope you manage it through the night.
I have to say the last two blips I have had have been just as I have drifted off to sleep and then woke up feeling sick and hot and panicky so I am going to use Jackies theory when that happens again. it is our minds working when we are asleep.
I have had a busy day doing lots of different jobs and a member of staffs yearly appraisal and she is someone who does not stop talking so by the end of it I don't thing I knew my own name, had to have a cup of coffee and a cake!! xx
xxx
Kayleigh100
05-02-13, 10:06
Coffee and cake sounds well deserved!
Strange night.
I woke with extreme hot flushes but not terror but told my anxiety 'Thanks for protecting me but I just don't need you this time' (a more mellow take on the "bugger off" theory...and it worked!) But, I then went back to sleep and woke about 5 times like it. Each time it worked and each time I got back to sleep after a short while and slept for about an hour.
Obviously, I have had a pretty bad night's sleep but I think this is some progress. I have until now had absolutely no control over it when it has hit me other than to go into hour at a time survival mode.
Apart from tired I also don't have that panic hangover today which I have had in the past.
Good news you are doing so well with the controlling and it is good progress.
I had a bad nights sleep last night and an early start this morning so am hoping for a good night tonight, I am really cold as have been working in a cold building all day so am now going to have a hot bath.
xxx
Kayleigh100
06-02-13, 07:20
Hope you had a good nights sleep.
A lot better night thank you, I have had another long day today but am off tomorrow morning and all day Friday and feel like I need it.
How are you feeling today, is it this weekend you go away or next weekend. xxx
Kayleigh100
06-02-13, 20:37
I have had a really good day today. Feel quite positive.
We go away this weekend. Friday until late Sunday night. I decided today to do just a half day tomorrow, so will soon have a break. Hopefully the positiveness will stay tomorrow morning too and that should lead me into the weekend when I can relax properly.
Hope you enjoy your time off too.
Hugs to you both, Janine and Jackie. xx K
Hi Guys
Great to hear that both of you are doing well, BIG Jackie hugs!
I have a little weekend break booked as well:)
Oh, had my first session of CBT today. It is one to one and I paid privately as waiting lists are far too long. The lady is a psychiatrist, but we just concentrated on the CBT was really good and she pointed somethings out that I would never have thought of! She had a great little dog called Frank:)
Dare I say it, are we all seeing the big light at the end of the tunnel?
Jackie xx
I had the best nights sleep last night that I have had in ages. Yesterday was my birthday and one of my friends bought me Sanctuary Spa Night. I had a bath in the bath foam then put on the body butter, put the fragranced eye mask on and fell asleep. I need to buy more! x
Sounds Good Annie, I had some sanctuary bath foam for xmas but have not used it yet, will have to give it a try.
Kayleigh and Jackie hope you both have a really great relaxing and enjoyable weekend, it is good you are taking the half day tomorrow Kayleigh.. you both sound so much better than you did a couple of weeks ago.
Big Hugs xxx
---------- Post added at 21:09 ---------- Previous post was at 21:09 ----------
Oh and glad your CBT went well, I am sure it will help you xxx
Kayleigh100
06-02-13, 21:23
What a wonderful set of messages to read. I do hope we all continue in this vein.
The CBT sounds a great move, J.
I love the idea of the sanctuary spa. It gave me an idea of how to spend my free afternoon tomorrow!! I've just raided my daughters room asking her if she has any bath foam and she has given me a choice from three mini molton brown bottles which she was given for Christmas. She told me to dig some candles out too, so I might, although I think we only have t lights and it willbe daytime so that might not work.
Love to you all xxx and anyone else looking in!
The night time one is in a purple bottle. Smells really nice and the eye mask is really good too. I just looked up the price of the bath float and it is £10 a bottle so not cheap. My daughter bought me a Neom relaxing candle for Christmas so I should light that tonight. x
Molton Brown things are really nice, I think a nice pampering afternoon is in order to get you ready for your break. x
I will have to look for the purple one Annie, the one I have is in an orangey yellow bottle. Candle sounds good too. x
Kayleigh100
11-02-13, 16:31
Hope you are all keeping well.
I have had a lovely break. The spa session and massage on Saturday was wonderful. I found a heated waterbed room and a spare unused one in the corner after my massage and I made it my home for a couple of hours. The room had a scented candle burning too and it smelt lovely. I suspect it may have been a calming scent of some sort. All in all I had about 5 hours of me time - doing very little but that is exactly what I needed.
The rest of the weekend we spent together as a family. Swimming in the pool and walking.
Really pleased my hubby booked it.
Your weekend break sounds lovely Kayleigh and I am pleased you enjoyed it. I am going for a massage this Saturday. I am an holistic therapist myself so I am always giving friends and family massages but don't often get the chance myself.
Glad you had a nice time and was able to relax and have some me time, it was just what you needed. xxx
shannon1968
11-02-13, 21:30
Hi, i am new to the site and came across your thread i suffer from bad depression and i an on meds which have really worked. But the last two weeks i have been having really bad anxiety with chest pains and now i have stopped eating properly i dont know why this has come back again my children are grown up and live with me but i have not told them how i feel any advice. Thanks
What meds are you on Shannon and how long have you been on them, I have never had chest pains but I did not eat properly when I first started to suffer with anxiety and for the first few weeks of being on fluxotiene.
We will try and help you if we can, sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to, I am off to bed now but will be back on tomorrow after work.
---------- Post added at 22:23 ---------- Previous post was at 22:20 ----------
the only advice I can give is just try and take it an hour at a time, if you think your children would understand talk to them, 2 of mine are still at home plus a girlfriend of one of them and they have been really supportive and helpful.
Jan and Feb are not good months either so maybe that is not helping.
Kayleigh100
12-02-13, 03:39
Hi Shannon.
When I had recurrences of anxiety I coped initially with taking one hour at a time, or less if necessary. I just broke the day down into small parts and concentrated on getting through each one at a time. I also lost my appetite and bananas were my friend. Easy to eat and gave me energy.
I also returned and spoke again with my doctor about my specific symptoms and he applied for me to have CBT. That's a therapy where you talk and your individual issues are discussed and then you are given coping techniques to try. The waits for this on the NHS seem to vary depending on where you live. I would recommend asking your GP about it though. If you tell him how you feel and about the pains then he can give you medical advice and let you know what is available to you.
You will see from this thread, time and posting on here useful and I found this thread really helped me. Knowing I could talk about my anxiety when it came back with people who would help me stay positive at a difficult time.
I am also now finding relaxation techniques helpful. I've tried cheaper versions where I lie in my own bed and listen to downloaded calming music (cost a few pounds) to a bath time treat (with no disturbances!) to a rather more expensive spa day with massage and calming facilities.
How are you feeling now?
Kayleigh100
14-02-13, 17:10
Nearly Friday. If I get there it'll be one whole week without panic :) Happy days!
How are you all?
Kayleigh that is such good news, I knew you would get there and like me if even if you have a little blip you know it will not last.
I have had a really busy week but am off tomorrow so am going to catch up in the house. xxx
Hi guys
Great to hear we are all ok:)
I have had a good week, coming up to "ladies time" which always makes me feel anxious and irritable.
Hugs
Jackie xx
Good news Jackie, pleased for both of you xxxx
hellan1980
15-02-13, 08:36
I've been searching the internet for things to help get through a day. I must say most sights tell you the same thing. Its all about breathing and occupying your mind, relaxation etc. I have found things that have helped me, so I will share them. I don't get paid to endorse these places and the things I have found are free. I started searching for apps on my android phone and was amazed at some of the free things that are out there. One that I have found particularly useful is on a site called excellatlife.com they have all sorts of helpful things on there. Such as relaxation techniques and a really good one that actually coaches you through a panic attack. I thought it was a load of rubbish at first but the more I listen to it the more it seems to help. Also I have a book that was recommended to be me by my GP called mind over mood. Again I don't get paid to endorse these things its just things that have helped me to a degree and maybe it can help you
Kayleigh100
15-02-13, 19:55
Hope you have had a good day Janine and now have a tidy house!
Pleased you are feeling more settled Jackie (apart from the evil monthly which we can't do much about!)
I've four days off now because I have to work next weekend. Some lie ins planned (because I'm still finding I am tired from the workload I had) plus its my sons 15th, so I'd like to be around - rather than working even if he doesn't particularly want me to be! Hoping to get a Valentines meal as well - probably a take away Indian, something to save me cooking every night.
All sounds good Kayleigh, yes I have a tidy house, it would be nice if it stayed that way!!! It is lovely when you do not have to cook, sometimes it is just thinking what to have. xxx
Maddis mum
20-02-13, 09:04
Hi kayleigh, I have been reading your thread. How are you feeling? I have had a really terrible day. Just woke up with nervous adrenalin anxiety and felt depressed. I have had 2 straight weeks of feeling better and I thought I was finally coming out the other side. But then today I get smacked down again. Almost 9 weeks on prozac now. What are you up to now? Is this just a blip? I really hope it doesn't start going backwards.
Hi Janine, I hear you on not having to cook. I get so tired of cooking every night. Xxx
Hi maddies mum sorry to here your not to good today. That's what frightens me I have been on Prozac since 28 th nov. and have just started to feel better the last week or two. This week I have started to wake up again with the heightened anxiety. Dreaded pms is here I'm sure a lot has to do with hormones. Try and remember how great you have been feeling and keep busy :hugs:
Kayleigh100
20-02-13, 16:48
I'm OK still. I am on month four of fluoxetine but you will see from this thread I have had my blips over the months. It seems quite normal to have them and I have tried to learn how to cope with them. I'm about two weeks blip free at the moment but am under no illusion they could happen again and I try and stay prepared to deal with them if they do.
Hopefully yours is just a blip, as mine have been, and will go in a day or so.
Currently, my biggest problem is tiredness. I am sleeping soundly (hoorah!) but I don't want to get out of bed in the morning! ..... not due to work, I feel like it even on a day off. When I do get up, I quickly gain energy but it's then sapped again quite quickly. I don't nap in the afternoon but I bet I could if I let myself try! This isn't worrying me though - I'm sure time will sort it.
Kim I replied on the other thread, these blips are normal but they do not last so long and the more they happen you deal with them better if you get my drift, it will not all come back again as the medication will not let it.
Kayleigh glad you are still doing well, I am the same with getting up in the morning, I am fine once I put my feet on the floor but whether I am at work or not I find it difficult to get out, I was always a morning person before all this happened and I still feel tired too.
xxx
Kayleigh100
26-02-13, 20:39
Yay! Another week passed panic free.
Have discovered Avon sleep therapy pillow mist, which I love! It's quite cheap and you spray it on your pillow at night. I've been using the balm also which I live the smell of but don't think is as effective as the mist. I also still use the rescue remedy. My bedroom must smell like a perfume department.
Have decided the relaxed-don't- wanna-get-outta-bed syndrome is a price to pay for everything else being settled, its worth it.
Hope you are all well, Janine, Jackie and everyone else. Do update me. I often think about you.
Hi Kayleigh
Brilliant news about your recovery, go girl:)
I also feel much better, just going with the flow!
Big love to you and Janine, keep in touch.
Jackie x
Glad you are both doing well, and yes Kayleigh I can put up with that too as i know once I get out I am fine.
I had a situation to deal with at work which has been difficult for me although a lot of others are having the same problem with this person so I know it is not me but I don't deal with things the way I did and I let it worry me far too much. I have a meeting with the Property manager tomorrow as a regular catch up and we will have to talk about it so hopefully I will feel better after.
We must keep in touch with each other, hope you both continue to improve. xxx
Kayleigh100
04-03-13, 16:34
Yes, we must all keep in touch.
I have been to CBT today and she is really pleased with my progress. My 'number score' has changed immensely and now we are working on things I should be doing and will need to be doing if I am ever to cope with coming off fluoxetine in the future.
This weeks exercises are to build in something for me every day.
I have been quite good at booking things for me to do in blocks, like a pre-booked summer holiday this year, weekends away, theatre trips that sort of thing, However, I am awful at giving myself time in a normal day, and she said I must. Something simple is fine so long as it's for me.
So that is this weeks job! Well, once tonight is out of the way because I have work to do.......aghhhhhh. Don't help myself sometimes, do I? LOL
Sounds Good, it is so difficult sometimes to do that as we get caught up doing so many things and don't find time to relax, you sound like you are coping well though, you also sound like you are busy with work like me, there does not seem to be enough hours in the day at the moment, it is also a year this week since my dad died so a bit difficult and dealing with my mum too, being busy helps though as I do not have time to dwell.
xxxx
Kayleigh100
06-03-13, 23:03
Hugs for you Janine for this week.
I had a minor blip today but that is, actually, real progress because it was something that would have sent me before off into major 24 hour panic/recovery situation. This time I managed to control it within about an hour. edit that! I ended up having a not-so-good night. Grrrrrrr. Bring on the weekend.
I've still not done anything for myself but tonight I have made a slot and I am going out!!! A local charity do with some friends.
Take care all xx
Hope you had a good evening at your charity do, I have had a really bad migraine since last night and have been to a meeting in London all day so am now going to have a hot bath and early night, I am taking my mum out to lunch with my sister tomorrow for mothers day as I am working on Sunday, you never know what you are going to get so am apprehensive.
xxx
Kayleigh100
08-03-13, 15:12
Yes, it was a fun evening. I live in a small community so knew pretty much everyone there and I had a drink or two and let my hair down. Son got some good exam results yesterday too which raised the mood quite a bit. One never knows quite with 'leave it to the last minute teenage boys' whether they will do enough work in the end.
Have a relaxing evening and I hope tomorrow goes ok and you soon start to get rid of that migraine.
Xk
I feel a lot better today just like I have been hit by a truck though, but that is normal after i have had a bad one, been out to lunch and it was not too bad so am home now and having a bit of me time before I go and do some shopping.
Glad you had a good evening, I have 3 boys so know exactly what you mean although sadly they are no longer teenagers.
xxx
Kayleigh100
30-03-13, 20:52
Just popping by to wish you all a lovely Easter.
I'm OK; improving now slowly with just one blip in a month. Thinking of you all and hoping you are well xk
Happy Easter to you too, Hope you have a lovely one, I thought you must be doing well as you have not been on, I am getting over a flu type virus but compared to the beginning of the week I am loads better, really busy at work as Easter is one of our busiest times.
Take Care
xxx
Kayleigh100
06-07-13, 22:53
Just logging in, having thought of you today as I picked up a prescription. I am on the reduction now - and just finished my first week of no meds. No attacks for months now and feeling much happier - this sun is helping! Been very busy inc University open day visits and have managed to make sure I get more time to myself. Work has settled and business partner almost fully well again. Sleeping well - dreaming again! I'd forgotten how vivid my dreams always were but I never got that good, deep sleep when I was so ill; waking all the time.
Looking forward to hearing how you all are. I hope you are doing well too.
x K
Hi Hun
Great to hear from you and fantastic news that you have made so much progress, did the CBT really help?
I have reduced my meds after them being put up after Xmas, however have experienced a blip this week, seem to be having some lady probs, did a test of Friday says that I am perrimenopausal!
Luv & hug
Jackie xx
Hi Both, I am doing really well, very busy at work and enjoying everything, I am still on meds as I do feel that I need to stay on them and I have my sons wedding coming up next month.
Kayleigh you sound so so good and are doing so well, what a difference a few months make.
Jackie it could be hormonal but it just could be a little blip that will go away again, I don't know much about perrimenopausal, I presume I have had it though!!
Hugs to you both
xxx
Kayleigh100
16-08-13, 20:30
Hope the wedding went well, Janine, and that you are still well. How's things now Jackie?
I'm now fully off of the meds and doing pretty well. No panic attacks at all. A big test coming up next week - a two week foreign holiday. Feeling jittery as I know it will push myself out of my comfort zone and am having worries again but it has not yet developed into catastrophic thinking panic attacks. I am hoping they will remain under control using my CBT techniques.
Work is quite under control - given the extra help I was able to bring into play once the major deadline had passed. Ironically, I have probably never been more up to date at work but I think a year or two like that would be good to help me recover fully.
So, here's to us all. Love Kayleigh xx
Kayleigh100
26-01-14, 17:45
BUMP
Well, six months later from my last post and another year of major deadlines have passed and I have survived.without going backwards
It's been a pretty calm process actually. I had expected lots of ups and downs given the fun and games I had when ill but it has been OK. I have done less work and brought in more help. My business partner survived his serious illness and is much stronger now. The other major work matter sorted itself out too. I'm sleeping most nights without waking.
I'm aware that it's not been that long since I suffered badly so it is on my mind occasionally but generally I think I am doing OK.
How is everyone else keeping?
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