View Full Version : It's all building up
I have had a rough few days. My husband has been brilliant through all this but it's been getting on top of him and things came to a head on new years eve when we had a big row and I thought he was leaving. I have been terrified of falling backwards when I have come so far. We sorted things out last night and will be stronger for it, but the anxiety is still there.Added to this is the fact that I'm back at the doctors tomorrow (my birthday!) for a review and to discuss my return to work. I do feel that the time is right for me to phase back to work but today my anxiety is through the roof. The meds have definitely been working and I know that work is the next step in getting my life back but my colleagues know why I've been off since October and it is going to be really difficult walking back in and facing everybody.
I don't feel able to talk to my husband at the moment about how I'm feeling as I don't want to tip him over the edge again! My throat and chest are so tight and the burning in my hands is back. I'm really worried. :-(
I know what you mean, I have been off work since June and I am thinking of going back on a phased return in a couple of weeks. I am feeling really embarrassed about it but why should we feel this way? It is an illness just like any other illness and I know a lot of people don't understand it and probably think I have been skiving. I am sure though that after we have been back again for a couple of days, it will feel like we have never been off. It is just getting over that hurdle of the first day. x
Princess2206
03-01-13, 10:59
Hi Snoopie, going back to work is a very big step. I am off work since 4/12 and I still feel like I am not ready for it yet. For me work was the trigger for my anxiety/depression. As much as I really like my job recent changes and long hours crashed me totally. I still can't even think about going back there. I worry I will never be:( my partner is very supportive too but he is back work after few days break and it really make me feel bad. I am worry that I will never recover and he is going to leave me:( it is my 25th day in 20mg Fluox and after few good days I feel like sh** again. Do you take Fluox since October ? I am glad you feel good after this medicine and I am sure you will be fine back at your work. I am not sure what I will do if comes to work. Thinking to send letter to HR to possible shorten my hours or work 4 days in 3 off. Hugs xxx
Thanks for the replies. I have been taking fluoxetine since october. At first I was desperate to go back to work just so things were normal. Now though I need stuff to fill my head again. I worked long hours too, often as a distraction for my anxiety. I had burnout when i got ill and luckily I recognised what was happening and went straight on the meds. I am also taking propanolol which I hadn't taken before. Going from all to nothing has been so difficult for me and I so want to get back to work but this time I'm going to make changes to the way I work. I'm just worried that it is all too much and that I'll end up back to square one. My cbt counsellor thinks its time for me to go back to work too but the pressure is really on. I think I'll feel better after my appointment with the doctor maybe. I just wish my husband was here now and I could talk to him about how I feel. Xx
Snoopy, I am sure that your husband will be fine, you have cleared the air, I think it is as frustrating for our partners as they want to help so much and there is only so much they can do.
As far as work is concerned I was lucky that my Line Manager was very understanding and that I am in a job where I have teams working under me and they just pulled together and kept things going, I went in when I could and somehow managed to hit all deadline reports etc.
Sometimes just going in and having the company helped and my doctor said it would be good for me to go in when i could as it would distract from how I was feeling so I did if I could although there were lots of days I just felt too ill, I did not hide what was wrong with me i said that the infection I had started off the panic and anxiety and they already knew I had lost my dad and my mum was difficult, they were all so great, understanding, supportive and protective even down to the real youngsters in the team, I did change the way I work though and have delegated more and try to take more time off (I am a workoholic).
Sorry about the rambling post but hopefully it makes sense, you have done so well and I have seen you progress so much you are about a month behind me. see what your doc says maybe and see if there is a way that you could phase back like Annie said.
xxx
If you think it is too soon then I would discuss it with your doctor. I had anxiety really bad 8 years ago and kept saying I would go back but every time I tried I never lasted a day. My doctor then told me I wouldn't be going back until he said I could. This time I am just taking notice of my doctor but it will be a very gradual phased return 1.5 hrs per day to start with.
Thanks. I will definitely phase back gradually. I am a teacher so it isn't like I can dip in and out on bad days. I'm going to get through today and get the doctors appointment out the way tomorrow. I have put my trust in the doctor and will do what they say. As for hubby, I think I need to still tell him how I feel as hiding things from him won't do any good. Just another bump on the road to recovery! ;-) xxx
Yes I do think you still need to talk to him, he sounds like he cares very much and he will want to help you.. xxx
Yes it is more difficult for you in the job you do and it must be very stressful at times, see what your Doc says and you are right it is just another bump on this road to recovery.
xxx
Thanks. I will definitely phase back gradually. I am a teacher so it isn't like I can dip in and out on bad days. I'm going to get through today and get the doctors appointment out the way tomorrow. I have put my trust in the doctor and will do what they say. As for hubby, I think I need to still tell him how I feel as hiding things from him won't do any good. Just another bump on the road to recovery! ;-) xxx
I understand how difficult it is in schools, I am in secondary school and I thought if I can just manage the last lesson of the day for my first week back. mornings are my worst time with anxiety at the moment so I thought last lesson might be best and work backwards from there until I can manage a full day.
Sounds like a good plan Annie, I have been watching your progress over the last few months and in the last few weeks you have come such a long way. I have found my work colleagues invaluable in my recovery alongside like you and a lot of others brilliant husband/partner.
xx
Hey snoopy, it is so hard for an individual to understand mental illness unless they have suffered from it. Being completely honest with your hubby is the way to go. He needs to know how you're feeling. In regards to work. That must be driving you mad. I would say, don't force yourself because that would just cause more anxiety. I would definitely address the matter to your doctor. Once you feel ready maybe you can do half days just to build your confident. Good luck hunny :)
Hi Tanya, how are you doing. xxx
stormyok10
03-01-13, 14:19
Hi Snoopy,
Really feel for you & know what you are going through. When I tell my hubby I am not having a good day, I can see that look on his face of ( not again) & sometimes he avoids me ( well probably not but i feel he is). It must be difficult for them to understand how we feel especially when we don't actually look poorly, but you have lots of understanding friends on here to help you through, we are all in this together xxx
Hi Janine, I'm feeling so much better :) The driving is still a huge issue and causes me anxiety everytime I think about it. But I'm just taking day by day. My husband is going back to work on Monday, so it'll be me and the little one again.
How are you feeling??
Good news, the driving will get better, this thing really knocked my confidence for a few weeks, everyone was so surprised that i had developed anxiety and panic attacks as it is just not me, I think it has made me a better person in a wierd sort of way, also it has surprised me how many others had suffered in the past or present but did not say anthing until I was suffering.
You and the little one will be fine, you are coming out the other side. xxxx
stormyok10
03-01-13, 22:24
Hi Janine & Tanyat,
Just need to ask you both, am having terrible problem with dizziness & light headedness all the time, when i stand up from sitting or just get up quickly I have to hang on to back of a chair to steady myself, even when am out feel very dizzy, this has been going on for a couple of weeks now, is it part of side effects or maybe something else, also got very blurred vision, any help from anyone would be appreciated, am very worried
xxx
Stormy. I did feel dizzy and lightheaded at times but I did not have blurred vision, the dizziness etc will ease, I think you and Princess are at that horrible stage at them moment where you feel like you should be getting better but this 4-6 weeks is really tough but the side effects seem to change although are just as bad at times. Are you eating enough, try and eat little and often at least as if we don't eat your sugar levels go down and that can make you dizzzy etc. I know it is difficult as my husband was physically putting food in my mouth to get me to eat but I know it helped even jelly or weetabix anything that will slip down.
I think I have read that blurred vision can be a side effect but it maybe worth getting it checked out.
Hope this helps a bit, I am willing you two through this, and not forgetting you Tanya xxxxx
Janine, you are so sweet :)
Stormy, it may just be that your blood sugars or blood pressure are low because you are not eating. You need to try and eat. I can honestly say that starting Fluox almost made me go crazy before feeling any better. I was ready to have my husband drive me to the mental hospital. If I didn't find this group, I would have never made it. I have to thank Janine. She was the greatest help.
Thank you for your kind words Tanya, I try to help others because all this is still so fresh in my mind and it was pure hell for a couple of months and if I had not found this site at 4 weeks into the fluxotiene I would have been with you in that mental hospital!!!!
xxxx
I would agree that you need to try to eat more, my son always feels the same if he doesn't eat much (he is on no meds and does not have anxiety). I get lightheaded and dizzy also but my blood pressure is quite low. It is the side effects of medication as well.
Hi, just to update i went back to see doctor yesterday who said for me to return to work next week. He suggested 50% for 2 weeks then 75% for 1 week then up to 100%. I am happy with this i think.
I had a great day yesterday. It was my birthday and i actually had a lie in followed by a fry up.i went into town for an hour and bought some clothes and then got myself ready (make up and everything!) And went out for a meal with my husband and friends . I had a lovely time and even drank for the first time in months. I eventually got in at 4am!!!
I haven't got a hangover today, although i have got a tight chest and throat.
I just wanted to say that after feeling rubbish for so long and thinking that i would never get better, i'm now looking forward to the future after feeling like me again for the first time in months. :-) :-) :-)
Onwards and upwards. Xxxxxx
Hi Snoopy, Happy Birthday for yesterday, so glad that you were able to really enjoy it, you now sound so much better, what a difference a few weeks or even days make, It is lovely that you feel like you again, we said you would, even if you have an odd little blip just tell yourself that it is normal to have off days in life and you will bounce back again.
xxxxx
Well done Snoopy, really pleased to hear you had a good day yesterday and are happy about your phased return back to work xx
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.