Sick with worry about HIV

[Bristolchap]

Hi everyone. Happy New Year!

I'm getting married on Feb 1st and been with my fiancee approximately 3 years. I'm a caucasian, 30 year old male and prior to being with my fiancee I had a period of a couple of years when I had a approximately 5-7 female sexual partners (combination of short relationships and one night stands with single women in their 20's and a single mum in her late 20's, totalling about 10-15 times of sexual intercourse and one anal intercourse).

Please don't think me reckless but alcohol played a part in most of these and I cannot remember if condoms were used in any of these encounters. I was foolish and didn't take the risks seriously or really even realise the risks.

Now I've met my soulmate and I've put her at risk as we've been having unprotected sex for the entire time we've been together.

We want to start trying for a baby in the next couple of months but it hit me like a lightning bolt in the last couple of months that I may have put her at risk and therefore would be taking a risk having a baby.

I'm totally wracked with worry and it's making me ill, it's all I think about all day long from the moment I wake to the moment I go to bed. If I've infected her then I don't see how I could live with myself. The prospect of taking a test is terrifying as a positive result would ruin my life.

I feel like a person who's always learnt from their mistakes but this would be one mistake (many mistakes) that I couldn't bounce back from.

I don't think I can discuss this with anyone, least of all my fiancee as I don't want to inflict the panic on her that I feel.

Just don't know what to do. Anyone been in a similar situation.

[Mr Brownstone]

Its highly unlikely you have caught anything. Transmission from female to male is less likely than male to male or male to female. Also add the fact that a), statistically, its unlikely any of these girls had HIV and b) its unlikely they would all have let you have sex with them without using a condom. So putting all 3 of these together, its narrowing your chances down quite considerably

Testing may suck, but its maybe the only way to get it out of your mind for good.

[mikewales]

I agree, you say testing will ruin your life if you get a positive result, but in the remote chance you were HIV positive, you would be ruining your fiancees life, and that of any baby you had.

Just for your own peace of mind, go and get tested, you are more than likely not HIV+ but may have picked something up, so its worth getting everything checked out then it will put your mind at rest

[Bristolchap]

Thanks for your messages. I've booked an instant test at a clinic next Weds. Agonising wait until then! You're right that it's the only thing to do and I've got to man up and get on with it. I've put myself at risk (albeit a small risk) but for the sake of my fiancee and god willing a family then it's got to be done.....

[Pipkin]

Well done! That's the best thing you could have done. Don't forget to let us know how you get on.

Take care

Pip

[on_one]

Testing is the absolute best thing, it will give you the means to move past this. If you don't do it, even though you are most likely HIV negative, it could play on your mind if you are prone to 'what if' scenarios.

The finger prick test will cover you for anything up to 3 months before the test date. If you have concerns about anything which may have occured within the last 3 months you can request an alternative DUO test.

Wishing you well for Wednesday. Just as an FYI if you are finding waiting until Wednesday too agonising, many Sexual Health centres offer the instant test on a 'turn up/drop in' basis most days of the week.

[Bristolchap]

Thank you everyone for your messages. Regardless of what happens you've helped me and been like a beacon of light in a sea of uncertainty (without being too dramatic!).

I managed to bring the test forward to 1530hrs today as I couldn't wait until next week and it's the rapid one so everyone say a prayer or cross your fingers please.

x

[Justinf]

Good for you mate!
I should do the same. I had protced anal sex with a woman about 5 years ago, but the condom broke when we were having vaginal sex (sorry TMI I know) and I am paranoid about once a month that she could have had HVI and passed it on to me. Turned out she had genital herpes, so who knows if she had HIV or not.

[mikewales]

I'm sure it will be fine, but anyone should get checked out if they do think they have put themselves at risk. Its quick and easy to do, and at least you know for definite, and if you do pick up anything else, they are all easily treated.

[Pipkin]

Good luck BC! You're definitely doing the right thing.

Let us know how you get on.

Pip x

[Bristolchap]

Had the test this afternoon, NEGATIVE!!! Hurrah!!!!!

Wow, what a relief. I nearly hugged the doc....

Thank you all for your kind messages, I love you all, God bless you all.

xxxxx

---------- Post added at 18:43 ---------- Previous post was at 18:42 ----------

Justin - Get the test asap mate. I know it's hard but please do it asap. You need the peace of mind x

[Pipkin]

Well done!! What a weight off your mind. You've done really well to get through this.

Make sure you stick around on NMP and join in some threads - I'm sure people would appreciate your support.

Now go and have a few beers...

Pip

[vindrea]

fantastic news :-)

[on_one]

:D congratulations! Great news.

[Col]

:yesyes::emot-highfive::emot-highfive:

What a relief

[Anxious lu]

Remember when I was worried the the point of making myself ill over HIV.. When your test comes back negative you literally want to kiss everyone, I couldn't stop laughing and smiling :-) happy for you x