Idris
03-01-13, 19:14
Im new to this site and feeling utterly bleak. I dont know what Im expecting from you all, but maybe it will help to just get out what Im feeling, even if no one replies.
Im a 48 year old single Mum to three boys, always been bothered with health anxiety, dont drink or smoke, normal weight, moderate exercise, low blood pressure and cholesterol, take lots of vitamins. Had episodes of SVT (when my heart just jumps into a rhythm of 200+ beats but can always stop this with the valsalva maneuver. Had hyper thyroid issues in 2011 and this caused two SVT episodes which I couldnt stop, and had to have the god awful feeling drug Adenosine at the hospital to get my heart back into normal rhythm. Always had skipped heartbeats, but didnt panic over them as I know they are harmless.
My stomach then went into washing machine mode, bubbling, crampy, feeling sick sporadically, for over a year, but the doc says that as it mostly happens at night its anxiety related. Abdominal scan and bloods came back normal.
End of November last year, I woke up during the night, feeling hot, nauseous, sweaty, central chest pain, not severe, pain in my arm. Panicked big time, called out the ambulance, ecg normal, I was then feeling ok, but they took me in just to let the doctors check me over. Blood test taken there showed raised cardiac enzymes and they said I may had had a mild heart attack!! Had an immediate massive panic attack!
They kept me in and next day did an angiogram which showed my arteries are clear, so they said Id probably had a coronary artery spasm. I am now on Verapamil (vaso dilator), Clopidogrel (blood thinner), Aspirin, and statins. And had started taking Citalopram. Im having a cardiac MRI stress perfusion test next Thursday where they will inject me with more Adenosine to lower my heart rate and look for scar tissue which would confirm any heart attack in November.
My problem is that I am utterly sick with fear. I cant eat and cant sleep. Was awake till 5 this morning, even called the Samaritans at 2.40am but they were engaged. I am so tense that my stomach is churning and I feel sick, which makes me think Im going to have another heart episode, this is then causing me to panic, get pains in my chest. I just want to scream and scream, and run, or do something. I cant believe Ive had a heart attack, and now I dont feel safe anymore in my own body. When I was 19 I saw my Gran 10 minutes after she had died of her heart attack, and the sight of her purple mottled face has absolutely haunted me, and given me a phobia about heart attacks, and now here I am possibly going down her route.
Night times are the absolute worst, I feel utterly alone in the dark. I cant talk to my sons about how Im feeling it would frighten them, and my friends will only tolerate my breakdown for so long.
I cant maintain this level of fear, what would be the point? Im so frightened of dying, I cant live with the fear of it!!??? I just dont know what to do with myself, I cant see a way out of this sickening fear nightmare.
Im sorry, this is depressing reading. Ruth.
Im a 48 year old single Mum to three boys, always been bothered with health anxiety, dont drink or smoke, normal weight, moderate exercise, low blood pressure and cholesterol, take lots of vitamins. Had episodes of SVT (when my heart just jumps into a rhythm of 200+ beats but can always stop this with the valsalva maneuver. Had hyper thyroid issues in 2011 and this caused two SVT episodes which I couldnt stop, and had to have the god awful feeling drug Adenosine at the hospital to get my heart back into normal rhythm. Always had skipped heartbeats, but didnt panic over them as I know they are harmless.
My stomach then went into washing machine mode, bubbling, crampy, feeling sick sporadically, for over a year, but the doc says that as it mostly happens at night its anxiety related. Abdominal scan and bloods came back normal.
End of November last year, I woke up during the night, feeling hot, nauseous, sweaty, central chest pain, not severe, pain in my arm. Panicked big time, called out the ambulance, ecg normal, I was then feeling ok, but they took me in just to let the doctors check me over. Blood test taken there showed raised cardiac enzymes and they said I may had had a mild heart attack!! Had an immediate massive panic attack!
They kept me in and next day did an angiogram which showed my arteries are clear, so they said Id probably had a coronary artery spasm. I am now on Verapamil (vaso dilator), Clopidogrel (blood thinner), Aspirin, and statins. And had started taking Citalopram. Im having a cardiac MRI stress perfusion test next Thursday where they will inject me with more Adenosine to lower my heart rate and look for scar tissue which would confirm any heart attack in November.
My problem is that I am utterly sick with fear. I cant eat and cant sleep. Was awake till 5 this morning, even called the Samaritans at 2.40am but they were engaged. I am so tense that my stomach is churning and I feel sick, which makes me think Im going to have another heart episode, this is then causing me to panic, get pains in my chest. I just want to scream and scream, and run, or do something. I cant believe Ive had a heart attack, and now I dont feel safe anymore in my own body. When I was 19 I saw my Gran 10 minutes after she had died of her heart attack, and the sight of her purple mottled face has absolutely haunted me, and given me a phobia about heart attacks, and now here I am possibly going down her route.
Night times are the absolute worst, I feel utterly alone in the dark. I cant talk to my sons about how Im feeling it would frighten them, and my friends will only tolerate my breakdown for so long.
I cant maintain this level of fear, what would be the point? Im so frightened of dying, I cant live with the fear of it!!??? I just dont know what to do with myself, I cant see a way out of this sickening fear nightmare.
Im sorry, this is depressing reading. Ruth.