Wits End, Scared, Deoressed, Anxious

[jackie13]

Hi Guys

You may think what else? I have threads all over the place on here:(

Bit of everything! 5 years ago had a major anxiety/panic episode nearly sectioned, this was through excessive drinking over Xmas, had one in October 2012 and have been really proud that I have cut right down dont drink all week and literally only a couple on a weekend. I dont think I really recovered fully from the October episode as with Xmas coming up I felt slightly depressed and a little anxious, dark nights etc but just got on with it. Got through Xmas ok, but started to feel strange last Friday really flat. I had drinks Mon, Tues & Weds but did not get drunk, however, News Years Day morning, my friend who also suffers text me and asked me to go over, she had trashed her house taken an overdose and the police were there, I had a small PA. Since NY's Day I have extreme anxiety/PA and now feel the dreaded depression coming on:( I have gone back on my non drinking eg not had anything since NY Day. I feel that my episode 5 years ago is like yesterday and I am scared stiff I end up like that again and will never recover from this. I currently take 20mg of Citalopram, I have diazipam at home that I never touch, I take vitamin B etc and have CBT4 downloaded on my computer. I literally dont know what to do with myself, feel like pulling my hair out for real.

Please reply as I am really going through it at the moment:(

[Annie0904]

Sending you :hugs::hugs::hugs: January is a bit of a depressing month anyway but with the worry of your friend, I am sure this has triggered it to be worse for you and you have to remind yourself that there was a 'trigger' and that you can overcome it again. Keep reading through your CBT4 Panic and do the exercises...you will get better x

[jackie13]

Hi Annie0904

Thanks for your reply and hugs:) Yes need to keep up with the CBT4, just get jeleaous when I see people happy it makes me upset as I feel I will never be like that again:( I am also anxious about going home as most of my panic in the past has kept me in the house and it feels like a prison. I have a lovely husband and gorgeous dogs and cats, but I cant help how I feel x

---------- Post added at 14:15 ---------- Previous post was at 13:58 ----------

The thing that makes me very anxious as well is people asking how I am, I just so scared incase I break down and never get better:(. My friend on NY Day had taken herself to the hospital she was in her PJ's sobbing so much extremely stressed and A&E asked her to wait 2 hours before she could see anybody from the Mental Health Team. That scares me that nobody can help

[Roxy79]

Hi,
Reading this mirrors me in a lot of ways. i feel isolated in my house because i hate where we live.
I was at my lowest on new years day. I have come to the conclusion that i need to stop drinking as the day after im anxious all day even if i've had a great night!

I've even started getting anxcious before i go out drinking about being anxcious the next day!!

Not good!

[Annie0904]

You will get better, it doesn't happen over night. It is hard watching others going out enjoying themselves but instead of wishing you could do that just tell yourself "That will be me one day soon" x

[jackie13]

Thanks SO much for all your replies it's means so much, I feel really mentally weak and don't like it, well none of us do. Been fed up with my life at home, why is that it makes me anxious, I have a great understanding husband no real worries, is the anxiety/PA/ depression distorting my feelings?

[Annie0904]

I would say I have a good life at home but still anxious..anxiety is an illness and like any other illness it can strike any one regardless of our circumstances. I have however had a lot of trauma in my past that I feel has contributed to it.

[jackie13]

I keep trying to stay in the moment instead of get anxious and panicky about the tunnell with no light at the end:(

---------- Post added at 17:10 ---------- Previous post was at 16:32 ----------

Can you guys please give me your views on Citalopram x

---------- Post added at 17:14 ---------- Previous post was at 17:10 ----------

Madness, I am crying inside at work as I have to go home soon, curtains drawn all dark outside:( I am now wondering whether my Citalopram are no good for me, can you please let me know your views.

You are all probs fed up with my strange rambling today, but really need your help x

[Annie0904]

I have never taken citalopram but some meds don't work for everyone. I know some one on here was taking cit and it didn't work for her so she changed to sertriline and it worked much better for her.

[jackie13]

Maybe it's the wrong time to change meds I dunno, I am worried they have stopped working or they are having a reverse effect, been on 20mg for 5 years x

[Annie0904]

Maybe you need an increase in dose. I would ask your doctor for advise. xx

[jackie13]

Yes might have to, prob is this is the doctor that told me Bachs Remedy could not be taken with Cit, would cause further anxiety and had alcohol in it xx

[Annie0904]

Hmm I have never heard that before, it does have a small amount of alcohol in it but I am quite sure you can take it with any meds and you only have a little amount anyway.

[jackie13]

Me neither:( well I have made it home cooking hubby a home made chilli, determined to ride out this storm! Well that's how I feel right now, might be terrible in the next hour:) xx

[Annie0904]

I hope you have a more relaxed evening xx

[purplepie]

Hi jackie

I understand you completely, I have just posted myself about being so fed up with anxiety, panic, depression, low mood, fear everything! I also know where you are coming from when you see other people haveing a good laugh and a good time, I too get jealous as I was like that years ago and now I am so self conscious that I am questioning everything do and say.

This season doesn't help anyone for various reasons, unless of course you are worse in summer and I know a few people like that, my friend loves the autumn and winter becuase she can hibernate apart from things she has to do, but she doesn't like the summer months - strange how it affects us all differently.

Don't beat yourself up, I know you can't help it but just think that you are not alone and just because people look like there having a good time, they might just be drinking to cover their worries up and that's another whole kettle of fish. Loads of people self medicate, drugs, drink, smokes etc.

I have been on 20mg of citalopram years ago but it did nothing for me. I have tried other ssri's but I can't tolerate them and now I am on a trycyclic one, clomipramine, which is better, but I don't think anything rids you of the symptoms forever or fully.

big hug purplepie

[Tessie28]

Jackie, keep going you are not rambling. Everyone on here needs help and I find once I've posted I feel better just for having shared with people with similar problems. The New Year thing is s***. So many people feel bad and let's face it it has been shocking outside - rain and more rain. Hang on in there. :hugs:

[jackie13]

Hi Purplepie

Sorry to hear that you don't feel good at the moment:( its shocking and horrible and difficult to cope with.

I have real association issues a bit like yourself I get upset and panic at the thought of that may never be the same, but I think we will hun and we have to keep believing that.

I have been travelling in the past round the world for 2 years, I am an advanced scuba diver and love travelling but could not even think about doing all that now.

I am sick of the flight so gonna put my gloves on and fight and see what happens.

We will get through it Purplepie, mornings are my worst time, so here's hoping I am not back to square one in the morning.

10 years is a long time in a relationship you maybe are feeling loss? You have done so well it's probs just a blip.

Big hugs xx

[Annie0904]

Mornings are worse for me too but I find that if I get up as soon as I wake up and have a shower it makes me feel better. Jackie you will get back to be able to do what you could do before x

[Roxy79]

I take cit and been to docs today cus I felt they have stopped working. I even asked to be sectioned and doc told me I was over reacting! She clearly has never suffered with.this horrible disease as she sent me on my way with a list of self help web sites and beta blockers.

I, personally had a bad experience with sertraline as it made me produce breast milk as though I was pregnant. I had to go cold turkey. This was the worst time ever!

Xx