Confused&scared
04-01-13, 13:27
Hi, I'm feeling horrendous at the moment, really scared like I'm going to lose it :( I have had a period of stress and worry and that along with some issues with extended family over the christmas period seems to have triggered this anxiety or whatever it is I'm suffering from at the moment. It started with an intrusive thought that I was disgusted at and I did manage to brush it off but it all seems to have snowballed and now I am constantly worrying, I can't distinguish whether I'm actually having intrusive thoughts sometimes or just worrying about having them if that makes sense.
I have always had low confidence and self esteem so feelings of people not liking me etc are always present and I have suffered from health anxiety in the past and depression, but nothing has ever made me feel so scared about my mental health as these intrusive thoughts. I went to the doctor and told him some of what I was feeling but was too scared to tell him exactly what my negative thoughts were about. I have children and am scared that if I told a professional about these thoughts that they would be taken away from me, this is my worst fear and it has been crippling me. The doctor prescribed me fluoxetine and told me to come back in a few weeks.
After seeing the doctor I felt much better and ended up going out for a meal with a group of people including my mum. When I was driving home I could feel the horrible feeling returning to my stomach and knew when I got home I wouldn't feel well. My husband and children were asleep and I started having awful thoughts like what if I hurt them etc and it was freaking me out so much, my heart was racing and I had an awful pain in my stomach and I ended up going to pick my mum up because I was frightened to be alone. Once I had calmed down I could talk about it rationally but when I am caught up in these bad feelings I feel as though I am going crazy, I'm going to need sectioning and get my children taken away from me :-( I ended up staying up with my mum until 4.30 then going to bed and was naming every single character from coronation street in my head to keep the bad thoughts away.
Any advice or reassurance would be greatly appreciated. I have read up on intrusive thoughts and know that they are like peoples worst fears and they don't act on them but I am constantly worrying what if my mental state gets so bad I don't know what I'm doing.
I have always had low confidence and self esteem so feelings of people not liking me etc are always present and I have suffered from health anxiety in the past and depression, but nothing has ever made me feel so scared about my mental health as these intrusive thoughts. I went to the doctor and told him some of what I was feeling but was too scared to tell him exactly what my negative thoughts were about. I have children and am scared that if I told a professional about these thoughts that they would be taken away from me, this is my worst fear and it has been crippling me. The doctor prescribed me fluoxetine and told me to come back in a few weeks.
After seeing the doctor I felt much better and ended up going out for a meal with a group of people including my mum. When I was driving home I could feel the horrible feeling returning to my stomach and knew when I got home I wouldn't feel well. My husband and children were asleep and I started having awful thoughts like what if I hurt them etc and it was freaking me out so much, my heart was racing and I had an awful pain in my stomach and I ended up going to pick my mum up because I was frightened to be alone. Once I had calmed down I could talk about it rationally but when I am caught up in these bad feelings I feel as though I am going crazy, I'm going to need sectioning and get my children taken away from me :-( I ended up staying up with my mum until 4.30 then going to bed and was naming every single character from coronation street in my head to keep the bad thoughts away.
Any advice or reassurance would be greatly appreciated. I have read up on intrusive thoughts and know that they are like peoples worst fears and they don't act on them but I am constantly worrying what if my mental state gets so bad I don't know what I'm doing.