Please help, intrusive thoughts

[Confused&scared]

Hi, I'm feeling horrendous at the moment, really scared like I'm going to lose it :( I have had a period of stress and worry and that along with some issues with extended family over the christmas period seems to have triggered this anxiety or whatever it is I'm suffering from at the moment. It started with an intrusive thought that I was disgusted at and I did manage to brush it off but it all seems to have snowballed and now I am constantly worrying, I can't distinguish whether I'm actually having intrusive thoughts sometimes or just worrying about having them if that makes sense.

I have always had low confidence and self esteem so feelings of people not liking me etc are always present and I have suffered from health anxiety in the past and depression, but nothing has ever made me feel so scared about my mental health as these intrusive thoughts. I went to the doctor and told him some of what I was feeling but was too scared to tell him exactly what my negative thoughts were about. I have children and am scared that if I told a professional about these thoughts that they would be taken away from me, this is my worst fear and it has been crippling me. The doctor prescribed me fluoxetine and told me to come back in a few weeks.

After seeing the doctor I felt much better and ended up going out for a meal with a group of people including my mum. When I was driving home I could feel the horrible feeling returning to my stomach and knew when I got home I wouldn't feel well. My husband and children were asleep and I started having awful thoughts like what if I hurt them etc and it was freaking me out so much, my heart was racing and I had an awful pain in my stomach and I ended up going to pick my mum up because I was frightened to be alone. Once I had calmed down I could talk about it rationally but when I am caught up in these bad feelings I feel as though I am going crazy, I'm going to need sectioning and get my children taken away from me :-( I ended up staying up with my mum until 4.30 then going to bed and was naming every single character from coronation street in my head to keep the bad thoughts away.

Any advice or reassurance would be greatly appreciated. I have read up on intrusive thoughts and know that they are like peoples worst fears and they don't act on them but I am constantly worrying what if my mental state gets so bad I don't know what I'm doing.

[Pinktel]

You have a neurosis not a psychosis.

They are different and stem fro different areas of the brain.

You are not going to act out your thoughts, your anxious mind is just going to torture you over them as long as you let it.

I always think of intrusive thoughts as being like Voldemort from Harry Potter! By not naming them you give them even more power, make them even more scary, more sinister etc. You are telling yourself that these thoughts are so very terrible they cannot even be spoken about.

Can you see how this will be scaring yourself even more?

You are not going to go mad. The fact that you are so deeply scared of your thoughts is the most reassuring thing that could happen. It means you are wholly sane and understand right from wrong. It is just for some reason you have decided this particular thought is the most effective way to torture yourself. Whatever your thought is, it is irrelevant, it doesn't matter if it is fear that you are going to kill your children, run naked down the road or set fire to your house, none of them mean anything. It is just that your brain is incredibly good at choosing the most horrific thing you can think of and then running with it.

I would suggest getting on a waiting list for CBT, reading some literature about intrusive thoughts and above all you need to start telling yourself on a daily basis that you do not have a psychosis. Your GP has seen you and has not shown concern, your family would be taking action if they noticed you displaying signs of psychosis etc. you would be the last person to be aware that what you were doing/thinking was wrong.

[starlight78]

Hi C&S,

I so feel for you. Totally been there and empathise.
The best way to deal with intrusive thoughts is to face them. Stop trying to distract yourself or push them away. You know they are anxiety playing on your worst fears so embrace them. Write them down, think them through to the end, draw them, say them out loud ( when u are alone obviously) You will never ever act on them, the reason they bother you because they are so utterly NOT YOU!

To try and push them away is like trying not to think of a pink elephant when someone asks you not to... It's impossible! So do the opposite.. They are horrible thoughts, nothing more!

I really recommend CBT for this, it can be som helpful for intrusive thoughts x x

[Tessar]

Hi, I think it's good that you've shared on here. Using distraction techniques like u did to keep thoughts at bay is a very good idea and I find it works for me when simple distractions aren't enough. I hav to go in a sec but will b back longline 2moro so will post more , meanwhile hang in there!

[Col]

Hi confused, this May surprise you but intrusive thoughts are more commone in people than you think. Some that I've both read and some intrusive thoughts that I've had myself, are truely shocking! Try searching for older threads on intrusive thoughts on NMP & just knowing your not the only one, may offer you some comfort & reassurance at this difficult time!

:flowers:

[Confused&scared]

Thank you everyone for replying. I'm really struggling with the not trying to push them away as to me that's the natural thing to do. It's getting to the point where I'm thinking all the time 'what if I think about this or this' if you see what i mean, I feel like I've got a constant fear of the thoughts.

At some times I am able to shake it off with distractions but at others it's all consuming.

[Baggs]

As has already been said, thoughts of harming those nearest and dearest are actually pretty common - I get them myself. But thoughts and actions are two different things. We may not be able to control our thoughts but we can control our actions. I wish you all the best.

Baggs

[starlight78]

I think sometimes we think we should push them away, as if it's the right thing to do. You wont be able to distract, your mind will keep playing tricks and finding new things to have intrusive thoughts about. Please try to just let them come, wash over you, and go.. Don't fight them away, it really won't help. It will exhaust you and make anxiety worse.
If you remove the fear from the thoughts they will lose their 'oxygen' and disapate x x

[sarahkay]

As they start to come say NO and try
to think of something else a flower
or well anything nice.

Its not easy but worth a try