Seriously - am I losing the plot?

[crystal17]

Hi everyone,

I am acting weird and snappy and shouting at people - like yesterday I ahouted at my partners 5 year old nephew! It was for being naughty and telling lies to try to get my 9 year old into trouble, but my partners family are very angry at me over it and apparently the child is very upset and doesn't want to come over again.

What kind of person does that?! I am horrible. And New Years Day I went to my mums for dinner and asked her to do one load of washing for me and if I could cook a pizza for my son as its all he eats and she was funny with me about it, and I got annoyed and said I'll leave and tried to storm out. I didn't in the end as my mum told me to stay.

I am panicky, have had chest pains recently (not in my heart area, more like indigestion) and have racing thoughts at night. My memory is pretty bad at the mo and I am extremely clumsy, like a few days ago I walked into the doors of a shop.
I can't sleep at night and I'm having nightmares when I do finally fall asleep. I can't get up in the mornings very well.

Mostly I am on edge and irritable and easily snappy.

I've read before that a brain tumour can cause some of these things, but that is extremely unlikely. Maybe I'm on the edge of a breakdown though?

I will add here that I have had the most stressful 3 weeks of my life just now, and if anyone wants more details thats fine, I dont want to bore you guys though!

Can stress really cause all this? I tried to explain my outburst yesterday to my MIL and Sister in law when she phoned me later and I couldn't explain it, except that I was trying to defend my son and got annoyed - they said it wasn't like me at all, which I find worrying.

Anyone have any thoughts why I am becoming an unbearable person?

[gregcool]

Hi crystal..Sorry to hear your sad story.I suffer this mysellf and have done for some time now.You are suffering Anxiety.This is what it does to you.Snappy ititable.edgy feeling something is coming.bad feelong nightmares and more...Its something when you get its very upsetting and hard to except..If you focus on it all it only makes everything worse...Try to tell yourself you are in controll and do not let the negetive feer take over..( easy said then done )...you are not alone feeling like this...I know this dosnt help but there is allways someone to talk to hear...go and see your doc and seek help...I hope ylu feel better soon..It will pass and you will feel your old self again...Stress can trigger Anxiety in anyone,,Give it time and you will be looking back on this and wondering what you worried about...You will bounce back...Tell someone you are close to so you have some support and understanding...take care

[FeatherHead]

Hi Crystal17, Yes stress can cause all that and more, even the chest pains. Is there any way you can try some sort of relaxation like hypnosis cds or something? It's horrible feeling like that I know. I've just had a huge row with my husband and it was all over something really stupid. I know it's coz I've been on a low the last few weeks and we're both just getting over some stress. Quite often all the physical symptoms come on after the stressful event unfortunately, which can bring on more anxiety and lead to a viscious circle. Try not to blame yourself, shame your inlaws couldn't be a little more understanding. I would have been angry with 5 year old too, I'm sure he'll get over it, won't do him any harm xx

[crystal17]

Thankyou so much to both of you :hugs: It means so much just to share!
I'm sorry to hear you both go through feeling like this too, I know that it is truly horrible.

I will go to my doctors on monday, I went a few weeks ago to tell him I felt my depression was getting worse but I wasn't having symptoms like this then, just feeling low and hopeless. He wasn't that helpful, he did tell me to try the surgery counselling service though and I haven't but will do maybe.

My partners family think I am a drama queen and too emotional - they are of the school of thought of "Man up, get on with it, pull yourself together" etc. When I've mentioned my depression in the past I've seen eyes rolled at me and just told that I need to get on with life and stop being negative. so I don't expect any support :(

People may think I am dramatic for the sake of it, but I self harm in secret and have very dark thoughts that no one knows about.

Thanks for your replies guys, I do feel better talking about it :) x

[Baggs]

Have you considered meds?

[crystal17]

Hi Baggs, been on Citalopram since 2006 and desperately want to come off them but I feel worse in some ways now than I did before them :(

[Baggs]

I feel for you

[crystal17]

Thankyou, feel like I am halfway up a mountain and can't get up and can't get down.

[Dazza123]

If you are losing the plot by acting this way, then that means I lost it a long time ago.

I can be very snappy and short tempered, its the way anxiety makes me feel, I just want to be left alone most of the time and I overreact to most things when Im anxious.

I feel for you, and hope you can get some further help with it, you will beat it one day, we all will :)

Oh not saying you overreacted btw, just saying its something I do when Im anxious.

[crystal17]

Thankyou Dazza, I feel for you as well and all others who are feeling sad, anxious, worried, fearful and like life is very difficult.

I am regretting more and more my outburst the other day, I've spoken to my mother in law and apparently my partners nephew who I told off is still very upset and keeps crying over what I did and I have noticed a difference when she's been speaking to me. I don't know how to make up for what I did and explain that I am truly sorry.

Sometimes there are family get togethers and parties and when I suggested to my MIL that I'll just keep away from now on she seemed to agree, so I'm basically not wanted around by all my partners family now - all because I lost my temper.
And I've probably affected a child for life :weep:

[Dazza123]

I made sure all of my family know Im having some problems at the moment, and so its best if they can leave me alone for a bit to sort myself out. They are all fine with this, and just told me to ring/see them when I feel up to it. As for the child, I was always getting told off when I was younger, because I was a little sod, it didnt affect me though and Im sure they will get over it, dont feel guilty, we all make mistakes.