Why? HELP - Please help or support if you can

[fran43]

I did not wake feeling the best!

Feel like I was (and still are) used heavily by my daughter (long term issues). Our son stayed with a friend and I felt so alone despite my husband being here.

For me I did a remarkable thing today, driving twice (one a fairly long distance). Had to go into a supermarket where PA's are ever present. We got through my shopping list and I drove home. Wanted supportive encouragement from husband, did not get until I asked "How was my driving".

My mum phoned (I really hate her, she so hurt me when a child (physically/emotionally) and said I ought not bear grudges against my daughter regardless of what she did/has gone/has continued to do. I am unable to forgive her.

My dad's death has set off triggers I never knew. How she said she was divorcing him two days before his admission to hospital (she also said that two years ago mid-way through a holiday).

I cant love on command or because she is my mother.

My situation with friends is out of this world. One friend is a happy (does not care what anyone thinks) and an alcoholic with six kds. My other friend is an ex-addict who is experiencing very difficult times. I want to support both of my friends but neither realise what I am going through myself.

How can you explain PA's, low self-esteem, no confidence? One friend drinks constantly from 4.00pm and other other is drinking spirits in the morning to forget. It would be so easy for me to get back into that. I want a different life, I want change. It is just that all of my wants are so slow, I want it right now.

Anyway, I am sure all of you are sick of my waffle. I so hope you are taking good care of yourselves. I wish I could take good care of myself but I feel unworthy. unloved and redundant.

Lots of Love

Fran XXXXX

[Angieb17]

Just a note to say well done for going to the supermarket and also for driving too. It takes courage to accomplish your anxieties, so you have done well.

I think that it takes a lot of understanding from others and no-one can appreciate what we go through apart from others with the same problems and issues.

You have done well to get where you are now, don;t resort to going back down the wrong path, keep strong, can you get help from docs or see a therapist, don't forget we are all here for you too, when you think you can't take anymore. Encouragement on these boards are plentiful. We all care for each other. Take care and again well done, keep strong.
AngieX

[Insomniac]

Hi Fran

Well done with your driving today. That's one of my difficulties too so I know what an achievement it is! We can all feel alone sometimes even if we are not actually on our own.

Its so hard for others to understand the way anxiety affects our lives. I'm glad you feel able to help your friends, but do not help them so much you neglect yourself. Too often we put ourselves at the bottom of an invisible list and end up suffering for it. Then we are no good for the people we love the most. Don't be lead back down that wrong path. You're looking to a positive future remember? It takes a long time for us to reach a point where anxiety controls us, and we don't always realising we are travelling that road. So the road back is a long one, but well worth while.

At least you can come here and know that we understand and care for you. You're doing so well Fran. Its difficult if you don't feel you are getting the support you need, but when you reach your goal all the more credit will be yours!

Lisa.

[Lindalou64]

Hi Fran,
I know its frustrating when we accomplish things that others take advantage of everday.but they dont understand because they never felt it..but you did a good job shopping and driving.keep that up and dont ever let others put you down with your situation i know been there .best to ya Linda[8D]

[ceecee]

hi fran i,m sorry you feel so low.i think anxiety does this as a friend i have,nt seen for a long time said to me that she thought i had really low self-esteem!!!she hasn,t seen me for 4 years so i guess i have changed!!you should feel really pleased that you managed what you did today!well done!and i totally agree with linda in that what a :normal person:is able to do so naturally anxious people do find it that much more difficult and they just don,t realise!!if only we could swap bodies with them for just 1 day so they could understand how we feel!!!
take care
rachel x

[missacorah]

I think thats it - you cannot possibly imagone just how bad these feelings can become unless you have experienced them - it is unimagineable.

I like to think that if I ever fully recovered from this I would help people who were housebound because of these kinds of feelings. I am lucky I have my family that run round after me when I am having 'the bad times' but how on earth do other people cope?

Try to keep positve Fran - try to focus on the good x

[fran43]

Thanks for all your replies to my post.

I went to see a friend last night, had two drinks and from then on cant remember. I apparently hit my head on a table and was knocked out. She called my husband to get me. Boy does that hurt big time (and I am not talking about my head).

I dont know what the trigger was - perhaps my mum calling. It really sounds horrible, but I dont like my mum for what she did to me when I was a child/teenager. I was 4 1/2 stone at nineteen so there were obviously problems then.

I think the weight gain now has caused me big problems yet my husband does not see it as a problem now - only in that "i look healthy now". (to me that means fat/ugly/unwanted).

I am so worried about the impact this is having on husband/son. Even making a shopping list is time consuming/panic forming. It was spontaneous a year ago - why not now??

Sometimes I wish I were mad and oblivious to how I feel. It would not matter then. Trouble is I am not mad and hate that I feel I can't take this anymore.

I slept over 12 hours last night so I can't blame lack of sleep about how I feel.

For now I have finished waffling. I hope to post later but all of this (and last night) has been a real big struggle.

Take care of yourselves.

Love Fran XXX

[alicia123]

Hi Fran,

We are all the product of our genes and our experiences. How much of each depends upon your viewpoint. You feel the way you do because of those factors, but you can change the way you feel with lots of different methods - CBT, EFT, hypnotherapy, NLP, psychotherapy etc.

If you really want to get rid of all those old ghosts from the past you can, and you can become the person you want to be. I know it is difficult to imagine how that would work right now, but trust me it can, and all you have to do is take the first step.

alicia

This helped me (so I don't go on about it!):
www.alphadynamics.com

[fran43]

Hi Alicia

Thanks for your reply. I do have some kind of knowledge about what therapies are out there. At this moment I want to try and take small achievable steps.

Today was the first time I drove my car by myself. It felt totally normal and did not give that much thought. I went to the library and then onto the newsagents to get a paper. Yes I was really shaking when I got home but I did it.

Our daughter moved into her new flat today so I will miss her but not the hassle. Found out her ex was there and considering he was violent to her in the past I was not happy. However, in reality I cant do much other than love her and hope she can be happy.

So although the day has yet again seemed long I did achieve something ie a couple of months ago would have seemed impossible. For me, driving my car means independence. I just need to make sure I do it regularly to stop fear of driving returning.

Take good care of yourself.

Love Fran XX

[alicia123]

You are doing great, Fran! Not only the car, which was a super achievement, but also the acceptance that your daughter has her own life to lead for better or for worse and all you can do now is give her love and support. It's difficult, I know, but keep going, it can be beaten and you will beat it[^]

aliciaxx

This helped me (so I don't go on about it!):
www.alphadynamics.com

[fran43]

Thanks Alicia

I will beat this, I want to beat this, I need to beat this.

Of course I worry about my pregnant daughter, I miss her despite her own hysfunctional life. I am glad that my husband is here to suppport me through thick or thin.

I made blamange with our son this afternoon because he is getting wracked off/very bored and no doubt wanting and needing me. Starting back at school next week will be good for all of us, it seems to have been a long, long break.

I have just done his dinner and I am about to get my own. My Claire Weekes book arrived a couple of days ago and I have just started to read it.

The ironic part is I read her book nealry 16yrs ago but it did help me. I am too tired/knackered/exhaused to read a chapter at a time but I know she helped me many years ago and I survived and got back to work.

I do miss work but I know I am far from ready to go back.

Catah up with all of you kind folk later??

Take good care of yoursevles and each other.

Love Fran XX

[Meg]

Fran,

Many congratulations for doing so well today and taking those great steps for yourself despite all the agro around you. Shows you have the attitude right and the motivation but maybe not a helpful environment or peace of mind. Some of which you can control - other parts you can't.

Sounds like you would really benefit from making new friends so you have a mix of sad needy people as well as meeting some new and hopefully more positive people round you. Womens groups, yoga classes, evening classes are all possibilities.

It will be hard to push yourself to try one or something similar but it may extremely beneficial in allowing you to find a balance in your life a bit more as you sound completely crowded in by those who may drag you down.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

proactiveness, positivity, persistence, perseverance and practice = progress