MrsStobe13
07-01-13, 10:58
Hey all,
I'm getting married in May and with little more than about 130 days I'm feeling frankly..well..nervous! I get a few good days where I'm uber excited and so can't wait, then I get REALLY bad days where I question everything. From whether I like the flowers, whether I'm ready..even whether I love my fiancé :-( The thing is..yes I do love him, it's just that because of my anxiety I think I question it. When we do things together we're always laughing and joking and romancing. He's the only man I have ever felt safe and understood with, but my anxiety has caused some seriously awful feelings with the wedding.
I was also put on the Mini-Pill (Cerazette) back in February last year and I don't think it's done much to help my health, mentally. My acne got much worse which of course has killed my confidence. I also started getting violent mood swings in which I felt as though I was just going to hop up off the couch, grab a sharp knife and brutally attack my partner. The only saving grace I have is that I know I'm the kind of person who has no desire to do these things and if I did heaven forbid one day pick up a knife, I'd probably end up in floods of tears and be more of a risk to myself than I would to anyone else, I know it is just the anxiety making me feel this way. Sad and frightening as they are though, I think they're a major contributor to my wedding nerves because I worry about spending "forever" with someone I might be a risk to.
I digress, my fiancé wanted to get married, I wanted to be with him but I'm not a weddings girl. I don't believe in happy ever after, I think you find the right partner who with which you can share the good times and turn to when it's not so good, it doesn't mean your happy, it just means you know you have someone who understands you, no matter what (sorry to be so pessimistic!). Anyway, when we got engaged I agreed to the wedding. At that time getting married didn't cross my mind at all. I didn't think about the wedding one bit, I saw Matt, the man I love, asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. Of course I was all too happy to accept and it didn't dawn on me until about 8 months ago that I was getting married. Everyone is excited about the wedding, I'm not.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm anti-marriage. All the things marriage brings are great, the life-long partner, a family, sharing a name. That all seriously appeals to me. I'm just not an events person, though. Part of my anxiety comes down to social anxiety as well as general. I get myself seriously hyped up in a number of situations which later turn out to be absolutely fine if I wasn't trembling like a leaf on a windy day. I'm stupidly scared that I'm going to bottle it on my wedding day. The car will pull up outside the venue and I'm just going to go "Sorry, can't do it" or I'll walk down the aisle to the man I love then when they ask me if I take him to be my husband I'll just get an urge to say no. This is how my anxiety effects me! I also worry about dancing at our reception and whether I'll cling to Matt like a limpet. I get so wound up about what might happen that I now feel like cancelling the damn thing :-(
I also feel quite unsupported with my wedding, I have my parents, my future father-in-law, a chief bridesman, a best man, 3 bridesmaisd, 3 ushers and a page boy. Of those you'd think a majority (minus the page boy) would be on hand to help us? As yet my parents, chief bridesman and best man and one of the bridesmaids are the only people who've really helped. Even my husband-to-be is keen to get married but has done nothing to book transport or arrange photography. It's a difficult time for him right now as he lost his Nan at the end of December, but I'm now worried whether we'll have transport and that's really not helping me feel more confident!
Sorry this is long folks but this is my story and I just had to vent. I've tried finding posts about wedding jitters but of the 2-3 I've found about anxiety and wedding jitters it seems for a lot of people anxiety makes it 10x worse than it needs to be.
If anyone with any kind of anxiety has got married before I'd love to hear any coping strategies from you- anything to get me through the next 4 months!
Many thanks
Helen
I'm getting married in May and with little more than about 130 days I'm feeling frankly..well..nervous! I get a few good days where I'm uber excited and so can't wait, then I get REALLY bad days where I question everything. From whether I like the flowers, whether I'm ready..even whether I love my fiancé :-( The thing is..yes I do love him, it's just that because of my anxiety I think I question it. When we do things together we're always laughing and joking and romancing. He's the only man I have ever felt safe and understood with, but my anxiety has caused some seriously awful feelings with the wedding.
I was also put on the Mini-Pill (Cerazette) back in February last year and I don't think it's done much to help my health, mentally. My acne got much worse which of course has killed my confidence. I also started getting violent mood swings in which I felt as though I was just going to hop up off the couch, grab a sharp knife and brutally attack my partner. The only saving grace I have is that I know I'm the kind of person who has no desire to do these things and if I did heaven forbid one day pick up a knife, I'd probably end up in floods of tears and be more of a risk to myself than I would to anyone else, I know it is just the anxiety making me feel this way. Sad and frightening as they are though, I think they're a major contributor to my wedding nerves because I worry about spending "forever" with someone I might be a risk to.
I digress, my fiancé wanted to get married, I wanted to be with him but I'm not a weddings girl. I don't believe in happy ever after, I think you find the right partner who with which you can share the good times and turn to when it's not so good, it doesn't mean your happy, it just means you know you have someone who understands you, no matter what (sorry to be so pessimistic!). Anyway, when we got engaged I agreed to the wedding. At that time getting married didn't cross my mind at all. I didn't think about the wedding one bit, I saw Matt, the man I love, asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. Of course I was all too happy to accept and it didn't dawn on me until about 8 months ago that I was getting married. Everyone is excited about the wedding, I'm not.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm anti-marriage. All the things marriage brings are great, the life-long partner, a family, sharing a name. That all seriously appeals to me. I'm just not an events person, though. Part of my anxiety comes down to social anxiety as well as general. I get myself seriously hyped up in a number of situations which later turn out to be absolutely fine if I wasn't trembling like a leaf on a windy day. I'm stupidly scared that I'm going to bottle it on my wedding day. The car will pull up outside the venue and I'm just going to go "Sorry, can't do it" or I'll walk down the aisle to the man I love then when they ask me if I take him to be my husband I'll just get an urge to say no. This is how my anxiety effects me! I also worry about dancing at our reception and whether I'll cling to Matt like a limpet. I get so wound up about what might happen that I now feel like cancelling the damn thing :-(
I also feel quite unsupported with my wedding, I have my parents, my future father-in-law, a chief bridesman, a best man, 3 bridesmaisd, 3 ushers and a page boy. Of those you'd think a majority (minus the page boy) would be on hand to help us? As yet my parents, chief bridesman and best man and one of the bridesmaids are the only people who've really helped. Even my husband-to-be is keen to get married but has done nothing to book transport or arrange photography. It's a difficult time for him right now as he lost his Nan at the end of December, but I'm now worried whether we'll have transport and that's really not helping me feel more confident!
Sorry this is long folks but this is my story and I just had to vent. I've tried finding posts about wedding jitters but of the 2-3 I've found about anxiety and wedding jitters it seems for a lot of people anxiety makes it 10x worse than it needs to be.
If anyone with any kind of anxiety has got married before I'd love to hear any coping strategies from you- anything to get me through the next 4 months!
Many thanks
Helen