Am I the luckiest man alive?

[Frank TJ]

But... I am really not in a good place, and I don’t know why. Let me list everything that is fantastic about my life:-



I am (as far as I know) a healthy 33 year old man
I run 10k a week
I own my own property
I have a half decent job with a half decent salary
I married the girl of my dreams last September 2012 who I live with
She is absolutely stunning both inside and out
We had the most perfect wedding and subsequent honeymoon in Lake Garda, Italy
We are complete soul mates and our marriage is just brilliant!
Both our families currently are in good health
Both are parents are still married and completely in love
My wife keeps getting promotion after promotion in work and is doing really well career-wise
My beloved football team (Cardiff City FC) are currently top of the championship league!
I have an amazing set of friends who make me laugh a lot
I had the best of upbringings as a child in a strong family unit with some amazing holidays and great memories
I had the best of times in my 20s, living in America for a year and having so much fun!
I could go on… but I am gloating!


Yet instead of enjoying ALL OF THE ABOVE (!) I am constantly convinced that I have a serious illness and am very anxious and worried about life and what the future holds… Instead of enjoying all the joys of life and how lucky I am, I am too often consumed with anxiety, concern and worry for myself and my loved ones. At first it was normal worry, I have always been a bit of a worrier, but then since I met my wife and got married it has started to spiral out of control. I think I can trace my severe worry back to when my mum had to have a mastectomy in 2010 which we were all worried about, but she has had clear scans ever since and is in good health.

I have tried to talk to my wife about my anxiety but it’s difficult for her to understand and she takes offence from it thinking that I have a problem with our marriage and her which couldn’t be farther from the truth! My anxiety is nothing to do with our marriage. Or is it? Sometimes I feel that I love my wife so much that it hurts, I worry about her all the time considering she has a long motorway drive to work every day.

It’s almost as if I have been so lucky with so many things that I have too much to lose now. Could that fact that I have such a brilliant life at the moment be causing the anxiety? I have had every illness under the sun this year in my head and have been to the doctors too many times only to be told that I have no serious health problems… all tests clear… all tests normal. Yet sitting here now, I am worried I have a heart condition because my left hand has been tingling on and off for a few weeks now, so I am planning my next doctor’s appointment.

I just want to be able to relax and enjoy my life as it is right now. I also need to come to terms with the fact that life won’t always be this good and that’s okay, after all… that’s life!

So that’s my introduction…

[nomorepanic]

Hi Frank TJ

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Mark13]

Welcome to the forum, Frank.

That seems like a pretty good life, apart from your footy allegiance :)

As you've become aware no-one is immune from anxiety or depression, look at some of the multi-millionaire footy players that have had depression.

I hope you find what you need here, I'm sure you will.

Mark

[Baggs]

Welcome to the site. I hope you find as much help as I have. I wish you all the best.

Baggs

[Frank TJ]

Welcome to the forum, Frank.

That seems like a pretty good life, apart from your footy allegiance :)

As you've become aware no-one is immune from anxiety or depression, look at some of the multi-millionaire footy players that have had depression.

I hope you find what you need here, I'm sure you will.

Mark

Hi Mark,

thanks for the welcome! I take it you are a Wednesday fan?! :-D How is old grumpy? Uh I mean Dave Jones? Hehe seems results for you have been better recently.

Also, thanks to you all for your replies!

[almamatters]

Hi and :welcome: to the site.

[Annie0904]

Hi :welcome:

[Mark13]

thanks for the welcome! I take it you are a Wednesday fan?! :-D How is old grumpy? Uh I mean Dave Jones? Hehe seems results for you have been better recently.
You forget we had Gary Megson last (Eeyores more miserable brother) and Paul Sturrock a few years back. Dave Jones is Mr. Cheerful :winks:

Hope your team go up and mine stay up this season.

Good luck to you also, you've come to the right place for support and info.

Mark

[linjoy]

Live today, worry about tomorrow tomorrow.I think most people on here will empathise with you we are too busy worrying about what might happen instead of enjoying what we have. You sound to be very lucky with your life,
enjoy it the time to worry about things is when they actually happen.
Incidently the tingling in your hands could be Carpel Tunnel syndrome, I have it it's very common

[wfcpru]

hi Frank

your story is very much like mine was. i am over it now, but had a terrible couple of years.
my swimming helped me throughout this chapter of my life (swim 3-4 times a week with a club), & my mrs, like yours was brilliant. but i had some dark dark days, & was on medication, but left me with some bad side effects. BUT you can & will get over this. stay fit, & if there is one thing i recommend, its read 'understanding panic attacks' by dr roger baker.
it was a kind of eureka moment for me, & let me know what was happening in my thoughts.

good luck, & hope malky takes you up! i hated him for leaving us & taking don cowie, but after realising the truth behind the board at the time, dont blame him one bit

[shellandsmilie]

Sounds so like my life, constantly worried about my health grrrrr, totally fed up with it, and i have so much to live for and enjoy... I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful kids

I wish someone would have a magic wand and take all this worry away

Today i think i have a brain tumour and am gonna die any moment, last week it was stomach cancer...like where do these things come from in my head

i have been like this for the last 6 years and been on citalopram 20 mg, but at times i may as well not take them cause i feel terrible

Just hope i get my act together soon and realise what i do have and really start to enjoy it, lifes to short to worry about things before they happen or ever will

Do ya truly ever get rid of anxiety or does it stay with you the rest of your life???? xxx

[Frank TJ]

Sounds so like my life, constantly worried about my health grrrrr, totally fed up with it, and i have so much to live for and enjoy... I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful kids

I wish someone would have a magic wand and take all this worry away

Today i think i have a brain tumour and am gonna die any moment, last week it was stomach cancer...like where do these things come from in my head

i have been like this for the last 6 years and been on citalopram 20 mg, but at times i may as well not take them cause i feel terrible

Just hope i get my act together soon and realise what i do have and really start to enjoy it, lifes to short to worry about things before they happen or ever will

Do ya truly ever get rid of anxiety or does it stay with you the rest of your life???? xxx

Hi Shell,

I have done all I can to avoid meds. I have only been prescribed beta blockers for when I get anxiety attacks which have luckily been few and far between... My problem mainly seems to be just a day to day constant high level of anxiety and worry directed towards my health. Indeed, I am even afraid to take the beta blockers because they lower blood pressure... What if they stop my heart?! Dear me... Unbelievable.

I hope we both find some peace, or at least a manageable and healthy sense of awareness of our health.

[shellandsmilie]

frank, just what u are saying about beta blockers, i am exactly the same doctor offered me them and i said no cause i had googled them and read all the bad things about them not the good :(

I do hope we find peace, going to try and start CBT this week and im ust praying she can relieve me of some of my anxiety!!

Hope your doing well frank:)

[Ronno]

Frank tj.hi, like you in so many ways, I developed full blown anxiety in 1988
I was 32 , fit , confident , great marriage ( still have ), no worries , no problems with the kids , no money worries . The only cloud on the horizon , a month before I had a traumatic event which left me stunned and numb . It was that that triggered it all off.
For a six week period , one panic attack after another , the physical symptoms so bad there must be something bad wrong with me . My ( new ) doctor kept saying my symptoms didn't add up , increasing the anxiety , until one day I saw our old family doctor . He asked why would I feel like this , looking for problems at home or in my life. I told him about the trauma, and he said that would be the reason. But the physical symptoms ? Yes anxiety he said , but felt I'd be better trying to understand the condition rather than combat it with drugs ,although I did have a weeks supply of diasipan to help me sleep .he suggested a book to read Claire weekes. " self help for your nerves " it really helped and recently down loaded it on my iPod from iTunes. (Audio book) .
If you understand what your up against you can keep it at bay . This site also has been a great help , first of all knowing your not alone , and most symptoms are common . And as far as your wife's concerned , my wife wouldn't have understood so I didn't share how I felt . Well that worked for me any way .
20 something years later I still have periods where I worry ,but its never as bad as when it all started .
Sorry about the long post . Take care.