I've had enough

[Eek]

A year and a half ago my HA got so bad I ended up having a breakdown and was in hospital for three weeks and put on Luvox and Zyprexa. I think it started a few months before when my dad died which was the trigger for my HA to rear it's ugly head again after years of feeling pretty much OK. For a while these drugs helped but then I started to get worried about taking these drugs and the effect they might have on me. Now I'm cutting down on the Zyprexa with the hope that I will come off them next month but I've read awful accounts of withdrawal side effects and am panicking about it. On top of that I have my night sweats which are worrying me, a lump on my liver which my doctor is happy to leave at a 'most likely' a hemangioma and I'm worried is cancer, fear about my heart as I still get weird chest feelings when I wake up in the morning. It is all becoming overwhelming.

My husband has given up on me and won't discuss anything to do with my HA anymore and my therapy is just not working. I don't know what to do any more I'm at my wits end. Add to this that my husband's job is very tenuous and he could lose it any minute and the stress is just too much. I have tried breathing exercises but find it very hard to do as when I concentrate on my breathing I get breathless and panic. I've just had enough. I just wish this would all stop and I could feel normal again.

[panickyme]

I'm sorry you are not feeling well. Could you maybe speak with your Doctor about your medication? Maybe a change would help. (increase/decrease, or new med) It also doesn't help when our family members do not understand, it makes much harder for us HA sufferers. Hang in there sounds like you both have some stress right now, and maybe that's making you feel bad. Don't give up, you will be alright. :hugs:

[Eek]

Thank you for your kind reply. I have spoken to my psychiatrist about the meds several times, I am having to come off them because they are affecting my blood sugar and also I want to come off of them as they are very strong and scare me. I'm just terrified of the withdrawal. I'm really struggling with everything right now.

---------- Post added at 16:38 ---------- Previous post was at 13:49 ----------

I'm dying, I know I am. If not from lymphoma or liver cancer then from something wrong with my heart causing these weird sensations in the morning. I'm so scared I don't know what to do. I can't go to the doctor unless I have some new symptoms but the ones I have are just getting to me and frightening me. I don't know how I'm going to get through this I'm so sure that I'm dying.

[Justinf]

Sorry to hear of your struggles.
My advice would be to try a different med. You say you're scared of withdrawal, but I think you have more-pressing issues to deal with now rather than worry about what might happen with withdrawals further down the track.
In the meantime, you just need to trust your GP. If it was liver cancer, he/she would have had other alerts and symptoms that would have necessitated further investigation. Doctors don't take these things lightly. This is their livelihood and their passion.
PM me if you feel like someone to talk to. You have helped me on here, so I am more than happy to try and help you.

[Eek]

thank you. Unfortunately I googled hemangioma and found the only sure way of diagnosing it was an mri which I haven't had, but my doctor doesn't want to do any further tests on it and is happy with the diagnosis from the ultrasound that says it's 'most likely' a hemangioma. This has started the dreaded 'what if' voices in my head and I'm now convinced it's liver cancer.
I've had doctors misdiagnose myself, my son and my father in the past, my son nearly died because of it at 12 weeks and my dad did die because of it. I find it very hard to trust doctors especially when they're not really sure what is causing the symptoms as is the case for my night sweats.

[Justinf]

I would go and see another doctor. Ask your current one for the imaging (it's yours, you can ask for it) and take the info for a 2nd opinion.

[Eek]

so now I'm sitting up worrying I'm going to die in my sleep. I had a bad night last night and didn't get a lot of sleep and feel tired and woozy tonight. I'm terrified that I'm going to wake up in the early hours having a heart attack or a stroke or something else fatal, I'm not sure if I'm going to get any sleep tonight :(

---------- Post added at 23:28 ---------- Previous post was at 22:56 ----------

off to try and get some sleep o_O

[Munchlet]

Hi

I can relate to your post so much at the moment and please don't feel like you are alone with this because I think we all get to these points at different times.

In the summer I was so convinced I had Rabies, I had full blown panic attacks, couldn't sleep, eat or anything and I was so close to taking myself off to a psychiatric hospital because I couldn't think of anything else.

Fast forward 6 months and I'm now worried sick about cervical cancer and despite being reassured by 3 different doctors I am still convinced I have it and have insisted on a hospital referral which I have in two weeks and I'm petrified.

My tablets aren't working, my husband and family are sick of listening to me because their view is one doctors opinion is enough let alone three, so I can relate to a lot of your post.

With regards to your Liver I know we always think the worst but honestly ask yourself do you think your doctor would leave it if they thought there was the slighest chance it was cancer? I know easy for me to be rational it's always easy for us to be rational when it's other people we just can't do it ourselves.

The other thing is I truly believe if you had liver cancer you would be extremely ill, not just off colour or a bit sick but think about what a large organ the liver is and how much it does, I think you would know if it was cancer.

With regards to the chest feelings this sounds so much like anxiety and I think most withdrawals from anti depressants will increase your anxiety so that probably isn't helping.

I think you need to go back to your doctor and tell them your concerns, perhaps ask if you can try a different drug and just be honest and explain that you don't feel reassured regarding your liver, he might let you have the scan to give you peace of mind.

Please don't give up I know at the moment you feel like you are in a dark place and probably feel things will never change but they will. Hang in there, is sounds like you need some new meds that will help to ease the anxiety. I'm sure that if you find meds that work you will feel like a different person.

Take care :bighug1:

[Eek]

Thank you munchlet. I did manage to get some sleep last night though it was broken up with night sweats. It does feel like I'm never going to get out of this and I'm so terrified of dying.
thank you for your kind words.

[andrea15]

Hi. Do you have a good relationship with your GP? I have spoken to mine this morning because of anxiety over lung cancer (had a clear xray Monday and they are not concerned). She seems to think that putting up my dose of anti-depressants and anxiety pills will help but I'm beside myself. She reassured me that the pains would be different, that I'd have a cough, be losing weight etc but I still can't completely believe her. I hope you find it helpful talking to people on here who maybe understand more what you're going through. I am new and am hoping it will make me feel less alone in this and less of a freak/pain in the arse.

I definitely think a change in medication might help if the counselling isn't at the moment. How long have you been seeing the counsellor may I ask? Is it helpful at all?

Take Care
Andrea

[almamatters]

Hi Eek sorry you are feeling like this, as you know I have suspected hemingioma on my liver as well and am having a lot of problems accepting the diagnoses. Have you had liver function blood tests?

[Eek]

yes my liver function test was completely normal, Alma.

Another bad night of sweats :(

It doesn't help that I'm also suffering from bad insomnia at the moment as I'm cutting down on one of my meds (the sweats started before I started cutting down so it's not related). The meds have a sedative side effect so I'm getting bad rebound insomnia as I cut down I've only had 3-4 hours sleep at night the last two weeks. I feel awful today, tired and scared. I wish this would all go away and I could feel normal again.

[Mikeywal]

My advice hun, would not to google your symptoms or HA problems. it made me worse and 9/10 not always true. please dont google your HA probs. you'll be fine. i agree with the others. if it was cancer trust me your docs will know. I hate when family memebers dont get it. but remember you're probably taking on ur hubbys problems too. and that could make you worse without you realising it. i know its hard to do, but you need to have you time. you need to either escape for a day, just hiiding away doing what you love to do. and you'll notice you will feel better. you can't have all this stress and not have a release. hence why its making you ill.

sorry you unwell. if you need anything, PM me if you just need anyone to chat too. hope this helps xx

[Justinf]

Eek, go back to your GP and tell him/her our concerns. Ask him/her to completely reveal why they think it's a hemingioma and not liver cancer.
The answers will put your mind at rest. If the answers don't suffice, ask for an MRI scan.
I think this is the only way you can get over this right now.

[almamatters]

Hi Eek
I so know what you are going through, was your hemingioma discovered by ultrasound? Mine was and I have asked my GP time and time again if he is confident it is a harmless "lesion"
Due to the fact my LFT's were normal, the liver specialist I saw said this was a pretty good indication of it being harmless .
Like you I am constantly worrying it is something else but I have a follow up ultrasound in a couple of weeks and I am SO SCARED !
I would request a further scan to be honest, it is the only way your mind is going to put at rest regarding your liver .
I hope you are feeling better soon :hugs:

[Eek]

Alma, mine was found on a CT scan as a possible cyst so they wanted to confirm it via ultrasound. The ultrasound came back as 'most likely' a hemangioma which it said was consistent with the low density lesion found on the CT scan. My doctor is just happy to leave it at that.