Relationship causing strong anxiety, should i end it?

[Jeffro]

Hey everyone,

Bit of background, I have GAD but for most of my life its been pretty easy to tolerate... probably because i had no real serious relationships, and they are the things that really cause me issues, prob due to my parents horrible break up when i was 16. It really kicks off when I am asked to commit in some way, E.G 2 years ago a girlfriend moved in with me and I got really bad anxiety, a large part of that and possibly this situation is that I dont think the relationship is 100% or i have strong doubts...

So that relationship ended, and i got into another about this time last year, as soon as she wanted to be my girlfriend along game the strong anxiety again. I was trying to come off seroxat and put alot of it down to that, but I think it was prob more cause of the new relationship. Anyway that passed after a couple of months, but in december she said she wanted to step things up a notch, more commitment etc, low and behold a few days later I wake up to the mother of anxiety attacks, and have been up and down since.

IIm jibbering on so ill get to the point! Its so hard to think with any clarity when im anxious so im finding it hard to decide whether or not to end the realtionship... Ive never been sure I really love her, or if she is 'the one', shes really lovely and i feel lucky but ive never felt that strongly toward her... And im starting to think my sub concious knows this and thats why its kicking in the anxiety, especially as its so soon after the last similar situation! I really dont want to break up with someone purely because its making me anxious, its so frustrating as although it may not be100% im still enjoying it! I guess the pressure is more intense as im 36 and getting on a bit!

This is all very self indulgent so I apologise, im just hoping someone who understands severe anxiety can help me end my confusion!!

Thanks

[PanchoGoz]

It's very important to get your anxiety out in the open if you have't done so already. Discuss it with her and the types of things you have trouble with. It's surprising how much better you will feel if you tell her, maybe half the anxiety is hiding it. (If you are hiding it that is, if you've already told her, ignore me completely :roflmao:)
Have you had any therapy?

[Jeffro]

Hey! Thanks for the reply, yep she knows all about it, infact she also has the same issues, what a pair!! We chatted the other night and we are both confused about how we feel.... She's not anxious like me at the mo, so less inclined to sort a resolution. I have had cbt, really helped for coping with anxiety, and my bad habits which made it worse, also made me realise a few things which trigger it, but perhaps a bit more therapy specifically in relation to relationships would be good.... I guess my mind just associates relationship uncertainty and commitment with danger, nice to know my brains trying to look out for me but very hard to stop!

[PanchoGoz]

Maybe you could go back to the gp or counsillor and have a chat to put your mind at rest? If not, there's lots of courses around for meditation and relaxation. If you ever have panic attacks I would reccomend the online course detailed in my signiture, CBT4Panic as it is very successful :)