At University and can't stop panicking - loneliness, darkness and fear of the future

[odgalvin]

I just came back from the Christmas holiday. For a couple of weeks before the holiday I had started to really feel scared, anxious and depressed. Being home for the holiday helped but now it's back.

A main part of it is fear of being lonely. My parents are at home and they're great, I have friends around me at Uni, but I can't help being scared of my parents dying, and ending up with no one to care for me. I still feel like a child in that respect (I'm 19).
Another thought I can't get out of my head is what I'll do after Uni. I'd have to live alone, could I ever commit to a relationship, and how would I cope? How would I make it through each day alone and not go mad?
I wish I could just relax and live in the moment, but it's so hard.

I don't care about things anymore, I can't enjoy things and I constantly want to cry and can't eat, or just get drunk to forget about things. Sometimes I get over what I'm worried I still feel bad, it's like I'm still anxious somewhere in the back of my head. My exams are next week too which I'm worried about.

I wrote more about symptoms and history of treatment here: nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=127802 (won't let me post proper links)
I wish I could see a counsellor, I'm fed up of waiting...

Anyone in the same position, or any advice? Thanks.

[arg13]

very similar situation but im 2 years ahead of you! so feel free to pm me whenever.

Firstly, your uni should have an advice and support centre, have a look online it should be part of your SU, they should have counselling services for free. It's scary but I went in second year and it was the best decision I made, you don't have to tell anyone anything and it should be easy to get to.

I understand the feeling of trying to enjoy uni life and feeling like there is something that just won't let you, but likelihood is after uni you will have to live in shared housing whatever you end up doing, so you won't have to live on your own unless you want to.

Hope that helps!

[odgalvin]

Thanks :)
I have seen the counsellor here once, it's just they're really busy and I'm waiting to hear about a regular meeting :/

[arg13]

can you afford to look elsewhere and pay? ask you parents if you've spoken to them about it before?

[odgalvin]

Hmm... maybe. Every day is different, I'll just see how it goes.

[jayjoe18]

I feel like that too, I'm 19 and live with my mum and sister but I'm always worried about the future and the health of my mum. I've been panicking recently about the future as I turn 20 this year and know it's not going to be long before I need to start to be more independant but I just can't face it! I worry about moving out and relationships, I don't know how I'm going to be able to cope with either of those things let alone work etc. Have you tried CBT? I've had it in the past and it really helped me, I'm waiting to be referred back at the moment though the waiting list is very long which is the only downside (I've been waiting 5 months now). Sorry I can't provide much help here but just wanted to say don't be too hard on yourself and try and take things slowly and find time for yourself. You should be so proud you have made it to Uni, it's something I can only dream about at the moment! I can only imagine how stressful it is trying to juggle your work with these anxiety feelings. Hope you get some help soon.

[Mr Brownstone]

Why are you scared of living alone? Millions of people do it, its fantastic.