View Full Version : What Is My Problem?
I am a first time poster.
I am a 40 yo male.
I have 3 healthy kids (1, 3 and 6)
I have a well paid job.
I have a house with half the mortgage paid off
I have no other debt
I have two holidays abroad per year
I had a good upbringing with good parents who treated me well
My parents are still here and healthy
I have a good wife
So why do I feel tearful, depressed and slowed down most of the time. Struggling through every single day. Struggling to wake up in the morning, struggling to focus, struggling to sleep at night. Can anyone advise. I fear I may be heading for a fall.
william wallace
08-01-13, 21:25
Hi Jra, reads like you're not retaining enough seratonin and might benefit from a mild dose of SSRI. Welcome to the forum by the way, lots of nice folks here to chat with:)
Thanks WW, but I have been on seroxat for about 10 years. I don,t know why I suffer so. I do not have the complications you see with other depressed people, yet I have felt particularly low recently and really struggle to get up in the morning and push myself through the day.
My body is in a constant state of alert and I always feel on the edge of walking out of work and running for some kind of safety. I don't think the ssris are working anymore.
I see other motivated people and it makes me wonder why I am so out of tune with their wavelength.
Welcome to the site. I too have no reason to be depressed, but depression is an illness without reason. I wish you all the best.
Baggs
I can relate to this also, I have just read 2 books that helped me one was called the Happiness Trap and the other 'Depressive Illness The curse of the strong'
Thanks guys i feel a little relief already knowing there re others like me. I will look out those books Anne.
My big fear is that I will not withstand these feelings and fail to perform at work, losing my job and means of supporting the family.
Have you had any cognitive behaviour therapy? It may be helpful to you.
I can relate to this. Up until around 6 months ago life was good. I just got married last year to my lovely wife, financially comfortable, own house then I started to experience anxiety with no obvious triggers. I've started citalopram in October but not sure it's even working properly but increase dose a few weeks ago. Frustrating fighting an illness no one but you can see.
paula lynne
09-01-13, 22:31
Welcome x Some people are just more prone to anxiety, depression, etc than others. It could be genetic, it could be your brain chemistry, it could be your personality....talk to your GP about how you feel, xxx
Hi Jra, and welcome.
Depression and anxiety are illnesses. Some people do get them due to stressful/painful situations, but other times they can strike for absolutely no apparent reason.
Antidepressants can stop working sometimes. It's worth going back to your doctor to ask about what would work best for you. It might be time to adjust the dose or try something else. Some GPs are really good at helping with depression/anxiety, others don't have the expertise and you may benefit from seeing a psychiatrist who knows about these medications and what might work well for your particular symptoms.
I hope you can get the help you need.
william wallace
09-01-13, 22:58
Thanks WW, but I have been on seroxat for about 10 years. I don,t know why I suffer so. I do not have the complications you see with other depressed people, yet I have felt particularly low recently and really struggle to get up in the morning and push myself through the day.
My body is in a constant state of alert and I always feel on the edge of walking out of work and running for some kind of safety. I don't think the ssris are working anymore.
I see other motivated people and it makes me wonder why I am so out of tune with their wavelength.
I'd say your GP will change you over to a SNRI if you've been on the same drug for 10 years. You might pick up as the weather improves, bit more sunshine etc. I'm not gay but here, have one of these anyway:hugs:
Thanks again.
I really thought I was going to have to leave work today. I seem to be unable to deal with any pressure or tasks requiring problem solving skills. I feel like my brain capacity has been depleted.
I fear that I may have to declare this illness at some stage, but t hat could well spell the end of my career (or at least job).
I have a doctors app next week, but in my experience gp,s don't know how to deal with this kind if thing. Would I withdraw from seroxat if I wet on a new drug. I have tried to come of it before and it was a no go. I even worry that the seroxat has damaged my brain in some way.
The strange thing is that this affliction always seems to centre around work.
Without knowing more it's guesswork but from what I've read, see if this could be a possibilty?
You feel you should be content. You have everything and need nothing more but you're feeling anxious, can't sleep and are struggling at work.
It could be biological, it could be the time of year, it could be a reaction to the Christmas period or a combination of the above. However, I'm wondering if this might be what's happened...
The build up to Christmas is very stressful and with a young family there will be lot of pressure on you to provide to ensure you all have a good Christmas. After Christmas, people often suffer a reaction and their mood drops.
However, they also often say, the more you feel you have, the more you fear losing all you have. If then you add in Christmas pressure, a low mood and then are faced with more stress at work, the combination can cause a tipping balance triggering a fear of losing what you have. This would mean fearing what if you can't cope at work, what if you lose your job, what would happen to the family, what would happen to everything you have? These doubts/thoughts will add more pressure causing more anxiety and your mood will drop further causing your lack of sleep due to being unable to relax due to all your worries.
You say it all seems centred around your work. Ask yourself, do you feel more stressed at work than usual? If you were asked what do you fear most, what would it be and then ask yourself why? If the answers you give are that you feel more stressed at work, that alone could trigger you to feel anxious which would raise self-doubts such as fearing coping and losing your job. If you start fearing these thoughts, your anxiety will get worse and your mood will lower because you'll feel there's no escape from the stress you're under.
Ask yourself, has anything changed? Has more work been placed on you, even gradually? Are you happy in your job?
My guess is your mood has dropped due to the reaction of Christmas pressure or you've been put under added stress at work, or both. If your mood drops, anxiety will often increase. The more you have, the more you fear losing - the more pressure you put on yourself.
If you can't think of anything in your life that has changed and you're happy at work just as you were before Christmas then it may simply be due to the time of year or such like.
Whatever the cause, if you can find a way to lift your mood to help you feel better in yourself, your fears and anxiety will decrease. Perhaps a short-term dose of ad's will provide that boost you need or if its work-related, find ways to delegrate, decrease your load, or find ways to take a break from things doing things you enjoy to boost your mood.
You mention about walking out at work. This is a symptom of panic. You feel trapped because of the amount of stress you're feeling. Too much stress causes tension making you feel the need to escape. If you ease the stress, the feeling of needing to escape would also reduce.
One last thought, you were prescribed Seroxat but I don't know why or how long you've been on them. Depending on the reason, it is more than possible to learn to cope without ad's but if they think you suffer pure depression rather than anxiety-related depression, they would probably want to make sure you're taking an ad.
As I say, they're just possibilities but there's always an underlying cause that triggers worry, fear, anxiety, and it's often stress related but it can take many forms caused by many different reasons. Often it's a case of identifying the causes and then finding ways to ease what has caused too much stress which enables you to lift your mood so that you worry less so become less anxious which then helps you to enjoy things as before.
Bill thanks so much for you post. In one paragraph you really capture it, when talking about my fear of losing the job.
I changed my job about 6 months ago to be nearer home. Alas, I have struggled to settle. But, i think this is more about me than the actual circumstances. And maybe that,s just as well, because going back to the old workplace is not a possibility.
The only time I feel relatively calm is week nights between 7 and 9pm and weekends (because I am Away from the threat of work).
I changed my job about 6 months ago to be nearer home...I have struggled to settle....fear of losing the job.
I think that probably goes a long way to perhaps explaining why your anxiety has increased. I'm not saying the following is entirely true in your case because I don't know enough but it's an example of how anxiety does result which in parts you may relate to.
Change, whatever form it takes, is unsettling and it can take us a very long time to feel comfortable in a new environment, even if we're actually closer to home when you would have thought the opposite would be true. If a new job is involved and you're feeling under stress getting to grips with your new role, with the people you're working with or with more work than you're used to, they can also cause added stress which make settling in feel much harder.
We often need to feel secure as people who suffer from anxiety often have insecurity issues. Insecurity is often linked to having a lack of confidence which causes us to self-doubt which creates worries such as "what if I've made the wrong decision, what if things go wrong" etc.
When you add in responsibility for a family which in itself creates added stress, those what if's can surface over worries about the familiy's security such as "what if I lose my job, how will the family cope without my income, could I lose house and home" etc.
When we feel secure in our environment, we feel more comfortable and more self-confident so these kind of worries are then less of a problem. Added stress of any kind will often trigger worries related to whatever we fear most, and moving jobs is stressful in itself especially as it affects our sense of security.
It's like anything really, if we're in familiar territory doing what we're used to, we don't worry so much because we're so used to it and therefore feel more confident in ourselves but as soon as you put us in a new environment doing something we're unfamiliar with and add in responsibilities and other added stresses, our anxiety will increase because we'll start doubting ourselves and worry what will happen if we fail.
I feel when this sort of thing happens in our lives, firstly, we need to understand the reasons why we're suffering and then secondy, allow ourselves to say, "it's ok" to feel like this, it's totally understandable. Don't be hard on yourself, don't be impatient, don't add pressure on yourself by saying things such as you Have to make things work out, you Have to settle in etc. Give yourself time and be Patient with yourself. Also try reminding yourself, you're Totally capable of performing in your new role, the bosses are happy with your work and therefore your worries are only being caused by your move and it just takes time.
The only time I feel relatively calm is week nights between 7 and 9pm and weekends (because I am Away from the threat of work).
Often people suffer from anxiety worst first thing in the morning before they get up because before they even actually think about it, their subconscious is already reminding them of the stress they suffered at work or at home the day before. It becomes an automatic thinking pattern. We get up expecting to feel stressed out because of how we felt the day before.
Evening time and at weekends people are often able to unwind because their subconscious tells them work has finished and they don't have any more stress to face because home means safety and security with no pressures.
If however, we enjoy our job and look forward to going in, we wake up feeling more relaxed because we know we're going to enjoy ourselves at work. The automatic thought pattern of fearing going in doesn't result.
Just to give another example, a person could be going into work as they have countless times before without any problems then one day they go in and suddenly start feeling panicky with a need to escape. They can't figure out why though because they've never had a problem before.
The next day they wake up, they start feeling panicky again even before they've got to work. Again they can't understand why but they go in to work and the panicky feeling won't go away. It feels worse.
The next day, exactly the same things happen but they gradually feel worse as the days go by asking themselves what's wrong with them, what if they pass out at work, are they ill etc. The lack of sleep due to their worries also builds up creating more anxiety and more self-doubts.
Eventually they end up seeing the doctor who puts them on ad's but they don't cure their problem as they still feel anxious every morning, even though their mood feels happier and they're worrying less.
An overload of stress can surface from a specific bad experience but it can also surface due to a gradual build up of pressures. For instance, in the above case, the person could have been gradually asked to do a little bit more which they've been happy to take on whilst at home their partner is also getting them to do more.
We all have our stress limits and as soon a that limit is reached, our minds tell us by creating anxiety symptoms saying it can't take on any more. We often don't realise it though because the build up of pressures is so gradual. We think we can cope with everything and often end up taking on too much and end up asking ourselves why we can't cope. We have to remember our limits and the signs our minds give us telling us we can't take on any more. When this happens we have to remember to take time outs to relax, find enjoyable things to do to give our minds a break, delegate our workloads etc.
Anyway, just a few thoughts in case they're of help.
I would talk to my doctor and explain what you have said here. Find out what else you can do that suits you in your area for folks like us. Good Luck. :)
pinkprincess
18-01-13, 18:09
Hi JRA,
I usually post in anxiety section but just lately I have been feeling a little low so came across your post in this section.
Let me start by saying you are not alone and people with depression aren't just people who have had a bad upbringing or no money or bad family life, alot are like you who have a good job, holidays, children, etc. this is usually the problem as you are the one supporting all of this!
I have a privileged life, but still get times when i am low and when i am anxious i get awful symptoms. I think sometimes you think that everything is going well in life that it has to go wrong somewhere.
I am not the breadwinner as you call it, my husband is but that makes me feel guilty as I do not work anymore, i have a 4 year old and I am 8 months pregnant so think a lot of my depression and anxiety lately is to do with hormones. and the winter!!
I think if you feel up to it you should speak to someone. it really helped me, helps you put things into perspective and get it all off your chest. believe me once you get going you cant believe how much you have to say!
A few more weeks and it gets warmer and long light nights for you to enjoy with your family.
Take care and take each day as it comes.
Many thanks for all your help folks.
I went to the doctor. She told me that 10 mg of seroxat 5 days a week was 'sub medical' and recommended that I go back to 20mg a day. I started doing that a week ago. Am still not 100 percent but better than I was.
Like the other poster on the wall, I also have more of a problem in the morning waking up early and twisting and turning.
When a person feels better taking meds, it's fine but when the meds don't seem to be working, they can really muddy the waters.
Fo instance, a restless night not being able to sleep could be due to anxiety during the day or it could be a side-effect of a med. Sometimes meds have a sedative effect making us feel not alert as usual but then so can anxiety make us feel we can't function. Meds can cause insomnia but so too can a troubled mind. In fact, meds can actually cause anxiety and panic - it's written on most of the leaflets given with the meds. I'm sure diazepam caused alot of my panics and I know that seroxat caused me terrible nightmares as well as weird sensations which is another issue -When we live with anxiety, if we get weird sensations they'll cause us to worry what's wrong with us so cause more anxiety.
Like I say, meds can help and when they do it's fine but when they don't or their side-effects cause problems, it's because we're suffering from anxiety that they cane make anxiety feel worse.
Of course there's also the issue about coming off meds. What if you come off the meds and feel worse. Is it due to no longer having the meds to eas your anxiety or because your anxiety has increased due to the worry caused about coping wihout them?
I have no doubt though that if someone is suffering from depression that is unrelated to anxiety and has no obvious outside cause then they really should take something if that's what the gp advises. It's when depression is caused by anxiety, because of fear that's making us anxious that I feel they can complicate things when they don't work and we start feeling worse because then you can't really be sure if it's the meds or the anxiety that's causing it.
So, what can you do? All I can say is I tried most ad's and every time they either didn't work or the side-effects made me feel worse, I asked for something else until they ran out of ideas at which point I decided to help myself by finding ways to ease the pressures that were causing my anxiety.
Sometimes meds are like putting a plaster on a wound without treating the wound which is why I feel therapy is most effective because it targets the causes and help to show us how to help ourselves. However, when things get really bad, we do often need meds to give us that boost we need and with pure depression, meds are the only way.
You said in an earlier post that when you tried to come off them, it was a no go. I'm curious to know what happened to see if your anxiety came back on it's own or whether it was connected to meds withdrawal because if it was the latter then a different med might be a better alternative if you feel you really do need something.
Sunshine77
26-01-13, 14:09
Hi Jra, I really relate to you. I have a good career, have recently married a man I love very much, am financially secure and have wonderful friends. However for months I have been struggling just to cope. I kept ignoring it and thinking I could just pull myself up by my bootstraps but it got harder and harder, I stopped sleeping and eating properly, and then 3 weeks ago I just broke down completely and have been off work since. Everyone around me saw it coming - except me! Now I wonder, if I'd just listened to what my body was telling me earlier, and got some help, whether I would have sunk as far down as I am now. Trouble is I have an inner voice that tells me I "SHOULD" be fine and "SHOULD" be better than this - that word needs to be banned from my thinking!
Please see your doctor, and could you book some time off work to give yourself a break from everything?
I wish you all the very best.
Sunshine, I've replied on your explaining to others post as I've combined this on there to see if I can help you.
Hello Jra - thank you for posting. Your post strikes a chord with me because if I go back 10 yrs I was in the same situation. Good job, comfy with money, good long-term partner. Actually one thing that caught my eye in your list of thing, before I did therapy, I would have said just the same as this "I had a good upbringing with good parents who treated me well". Actually that was what I told myself. I had written off my past, my childhood - telling myself it was ok. But it wasnt. It was playing a huge part in my depression. I had refused to think about it for close on 20 years.
Once I had gone through therapy, including CBT, I realised so many things about myself. The treatment helped me put my life back together. Its amazing how subtle the reasons for depression are sometimes and as the others say, there doesnt always have to be a reason. CBT is very helpful, I would strongly recommend it, particularly as you've been taking medication a long time.
Also, this time of year - it's always the worst for me. Many, many people find that too. A fair proportion of the population I should think. Seasonal affective disorder may well be playing a part here for you too.
Also, you say that your body is in a constant state of alert and I always feel on the edge of walking out of work and running for some kind of safety. Perhaps the ssris arent working anymore, or it could be that treatment such as CBT will help you find a solution to the anxiety & fears you have mentioned here.
Sometimes that post CBT I realised is, that those other motivated people you talk about, actually they arent all like that. They, just like so many of us, hide their struggles and difficulties behind a front of "I'm OK". Its hard to spot in others which of course leads us to feel we are out of tune with their wavelength.
And of course, your big fear .... "giving in to the feelings, failing to perform at work, losing your job and means of supporting the family". You carry alot of responsibility for your family. You've done that for a long time. You've got young children and a good wife who you feel deeply responsible for. You want to provide for them. I would feel it is only natural to fear you may let them down. That doesnt mean you will but it's understandable to feel that way sometimes. What can happen is that a small negative fear can gradually built and build. This perhaps is what is happening to you, that the negative thoughts are overtaking your positives and then the negatives are difficult to shift.
So, Jra, I do wonder if perhaps it is worth looking into some form of therapy, CBT in particular as this provides a new set of skills that enable you to challenge the negative thoughts. You learn to make choices about things. LIttle things quite often I found but those little things you are able to feel more positive about all contribute to the bigger picture. At the same time you can also explore other things that may be affecting how you feel. All in all, the treatment can be slhaped in a way designed to help you specifically and at the end of it you have a whole range of new skills that enable you to feel much better about life and feel much happier again.
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