MidnightCalm
09-01-13, 00:18
I have tried everything. I have tried helping myself, self help, research, trying different things, listening to family and friends who say "just do stuff", "only you can help yourself" and me just failing every time and now I'm agoraphobic to the point I don't even leave the house at all, the thought actually makes me feel like I'm dying within seconds. I do not necessarily have anxiety all day 24/7 but even stil lbeing in the house I have the symptoms 24/7 and I'm debilitated most of the time, I find myself breathless and sweating a lot through the day, even my mum coming into my bedroom to talk to me makes me get horrible symptoms, just the thought of something that could happen in a year or something does it.
I can watch tv and they will be high up and I will think about it and get feeling sick, vertigo, weak legs, strange head, sweating.
The Dr prescribed me medication, she said try this, try that, but its like I have tried it before, it is pointless, whaat you are telling me I KNOW isnt going to help.
Then I finally got CBT and she told me that meds were pointless, so who is making sense! Gr. :/
I didnt feel she helped me, she told me all I know, I've had this for ages they forget, I know it all, fight or flight, why body parts do what they do. What nobody can answer is why I still feel this bad all the time (physically) even if I'm not mentally that bad.
CBT stopped because I just decided I didn't want it, I didn't get anywhere and didn't see myself getting anywhere. It's not my attitude towards this that stops me, I actually know that if I try to walk to the shop (this is what the cbt woman said) and think "I'm fine" when these feelings happen what will happen because I've done that for 2 years, all this trying wth the same outcome. I've tried just clearing my mind and walking there, same symptoms.
I think about going out, symptoms happen.
My life is a mess, I hate being alone but I love it, I get myself drunk just to see friends when they come over because otherwise I would be so anxious I would cancel and feel ill and drink anyway because it helps.
I need someone who has been where I am to help me, not somebody who is educated in it but never experienced it. Telling me what I am thinking but can't answer the questions that scare me the most thus prolonging my suffering.
This sounds so weird now I read back but I don't know where to turn. I feel like there is nothing that can help me.
I need a way.
I need my life back.
I thought I was bad a year ago but I was at least going around the block where I lived and kind of enjoying the summer. I used to cry all the time cos I was bad and look at me now, I go nowhere and am at least 5x worse in the symptoms department :(
I can watch tv and they will be high up and I will think about it and get feeling sick, vertigo, weak legs, strange head, sweating.
The Dr prescribed me medication, she said try this, try that, but its like I have tried it before, it is pointless, whaat you are telling me I KNOW isnt going to help.
Then I finally got CBT and she told me that meds were pointless, so who is making sense! Gr. :/
I didnt feel she helped me, she told me all I know, I've had this for ages they forget, I know it all, fight or flight, why body parts do what they do. What nobody can answer is why I still feel this bad all the time (physically) even if I'm not mentally that bad.
CBT stopped because I just decided I didn't want it, I didn't get anywhere and didn't see myself getting anywhere. It's not my attitude towards this that stops me, I actually know that if I try to walk to the shop (this is what the cbt woman said) and think "I'm fine" when these feelings happen what will happen because I've done that for 2 years, all this trying wth the same outcome. I've tried just clearing my mind and walking there, same symptoms.
I think about going out, symptoms happen.
My life is a mess, I hate being alone but I love it, I get myself drunk just to see friends when they come over because otherwise I would be so anxious I would cancel and feel ill and drink anyway because it helps.
I need someone who has been where I am to help me, not somebody who is educated in it but never experienced it. Telling me what I am thinking but can't answer the questions that scare me the most thus prolonging my suffering.
This sounds so weird now I read back but I don't know where to turn. I feel like there is nothing that can help me.
I need a way.
I need my life back.
I thought I was bad a year ago but I was at least going around the block where I lived and kind of enjoying the summer. I used to cry all the time cos I was bad and look at me now, I go nowhere and am at least 5x worse in the symptoms department :(