View Full Version : Back to work blues
Hi, I've posted that I was given the ok to return to work on Friday, 50% for two weeks then 75%. I went back on Monday which was really difficult facing everyone after 3 months off. Everyone was really supportive and apart from one cry I did ok. Today I taught all morning and although my legs were shaking, the kids didn't seem to notice.
I have been feeling rubbish all day though. I have that horrible feeling in my head, panic in my throat and I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. It's as if going back into work has made me realise how different from 'normal ' I still feel and it has really upset me.
I know going back to work will help me to conquer the last bit of my recovery, but I think I was hoping that it would act as a magic wand and magic it all away. I hope I haven't made a mistake in returning. I am ok to continue with 50% as long as I need it but I'm just worried sick that I'll end up back at square one.:-( I'd really, really appreciate some reassurance. Xx
Snoopy, when I started to feel better I decided that I really should make the effort to go in every day after working from home and going in when I could etc.
Once I made that decision the first few days were really difficult, my work week starts on a Saturday and it was the Tuesday before I felt like I should do again, I think you will find that each day will get easier just take it a day at a time, it is a big thing after being off for 3 months and you have just got over the biggest hurdle of going back. Don't beat yourself up like you say no one noticed and I felt the same.
xxxx
Thanks Janine. I haven't felt this horrible for a while and it's amazing how quickly you can forget how bad you can feel. I've lost my appetite again tonight and don't want to talk to hubby after he told me he's struggling to cope with things as they are. I know I can't expect it to be plain sailing but I'm so scared of going back to where I was a few weeks ago. Xx
You won't, it is very early days, you have only been back two days after being off 3 months and there are a lot of emotions to deal with, if you can, persevere, as if not you will have to go through it all again and it will be even harder. You will not go back to where you were a few weeks ago, just take it slowly and try and relax and eat something light. xxx
Just got back from work. I decided to just stay half day today. I feel a little better today. I'm not sure if it will last. I'm trying to get used to another routine again I suppose.
Good news, it will get easier and you are right it is getting used to a new routine, it took me a couple of weeks to really settle in to being back properly and still had the odd blip day. xxx
Princess2206
10-01-13, 15:25
Hi Snoopy:) so good that you feel better:) I am sure in few weeks you will feel much more confident at work. After my doctor appointment I have another 2 weeks off work. I am so no ready to go there yet. I hope it will pass and I can go back there soon. xxx
Hi Snoopy, you sound like you are doing so well after having so much time off. I really struggle just going back after the weekend sometimes! I'm sure you don't stick out, you're just new and interesting to people because you haven't been there for a while. After a few days no one will be interested!
Can I ask if your work are supportive? I've just started taking flouxetine but am trying to continue working through all the horrid side effects. I've had a few days off but haven't explained what is going on with me. I'm thinking about whether I should tell my work or not.
Stay strong and take care xx
Thanks for the replies. :-) I must say that work are being supportive now, although my boss wasn't very good at first. He told me that he didn't understand mental illness and he put quite a bit of pressure on me while I was off. Since returning though he has been much better. I asked to be referred to occupational health and I asked for phased return and both were agreed. I was asked to stay for a staff meeting this week but when I asked to go home instead I was told that was no problem. I would say that depending on your job and your boss I would probably let work know what you are going through. Any support will help and worrying will just make you feel worse. By law you cannot be discriminated against for any mental health issue. I was really own withy work colleagues and have been overwhelmed by the number of people who have confided that they have been through similar and have with taken or are still on medication. This has helped me to feel less like i have two heads! Xxxx
---------- Post added at 15:59 ---------- Previous post was at 15:58 ----------
Above should have read ' I was really open with my work colleagues...'
Hi Snoopy, I was open with my colleagues too and I was amazed at how many of them were on medication or had had problems in the past, even the youngsters in my team who work under me on the catering side were really supportive.
Last morning and I've nearly fine a week back at work, albeit part time. I feel really jittery this morning so I'm going to try and calm myself before I get up. I've hot a new prescription for propanolol slow release. I had been taking half a 40mg tablet every 4 hours. I take my fluoxetine in the morning and not sure if I should take the propanolol morning or night. Any ideas? Xxx
Hi Snoopy, you have done so well this week and next week will be easier, I am on the slow release propanolol, I started on 80mg and then went up to 160mg, it really does help with the anxiety and the jitters so I think you will find it will really help relax you, I swear it is one of the reasons I feel so good now.
I take it in the morning when I take my fluxotiene and have done right from the start.
Hope this helps xx
Oh my goodness, what a day! Got into work this morning and just thought 'I can't do this!'. Ended up crying in the toilet and thought I've done too much this week, I'm going home. My colleagues were really nice though. I was so worried that my boss would think that I'm messing him and the kids around but I just couldn't go into class. He was really nice though and suggested that I take some time out and teach the second lesson instead. He probably rightly said that if I went home I'd be finishing the week on a negative after doing so well and that it would be harder to come back on Monday. So I got my stuff ready, took a deep breath and taught the second lesson. I also stayed for lunch and to plan for next week so I can switch off over the weekend. I'm shaking now but feel proud that I managed to turn a negative around a bit. I hope things get better next week. Xxx
Gosh yes what a day but you did so well and your boss was right, think how you would have felt all weekend if you had come home, you achieved so much by teaching that second lesson and then staying.
I had a day when i was still very fragile but on the mend and I thought I will go in do a few hours and then come home, we then were so busy because we were so short staffed in the tea room that I ended up dashing all over the place and lasted all day, it is such a good feeling.
You deserve to feel proud and I feel proud of you too.
Thanks Janine! I've started on the slow release propanolol today. They are called bedranol? I've been feeling quite anxious the last couple of mornings when waking up so I hope once they get into my system things will pick up. I'm at 12 weeks now and it's hard because when I was at 4-5 weeks I assumed that by now I'd feel totally better and back to my old self. When I consider how I was then I am a lot better (eating normally, sleeping normally, got through Christmas, back at work this week) but I didn't expect the anxiety / depression to still be a daily challenge. People in work who have spoken to me have said that my recovery is typical but it's hard not to question the meds etc when it is still so much at the forefront of my mind. Xxx
Work a little better today. :-) taught this morning and marked this afternoon. Am going to do the same tomorrow and then attend staff meeting after school if I'm ok. Building up to teaching all day on Thursday. It's a hard slog but I hope I'll get there. The slow release propanolol seems to be helping (touch wood!). Onwards and upwards! I hope everyone is doing well. Xxxxx
Snoopy, things will continue to get easier, you might still have some blips along the way and have got to build up your confidence again but it will all come in time, you have come so far from a few weeks ago.
The propanolol will help with the anxiety a lot because they are slow release they keep in your system and build up, I know I would not be where I am now if I was not still on them.
xxx
How many days did the propanolol take to build up for you, Janine? Do you know how many hours they stay in your system for? I am taking one 80 mg capsule each morning. Xxx
about 3 - 4 days, I think once they are in your system because they are slow release and if you take them at the same time everyday they will stay in your system as long as you keep taking them, I started on 80 but went up to 160g because of the hot flashes and anxiety i was getting at week five of going on the flux. xxx
Maddis mum
14-01-13, 23:40
snoopy what dose are you on? Maybe you need an increase if your still suffering at 12 weeks? I am just guessing tho. Maybe just a increase to 30 instead of the usual 40 they jump you to. Maybe speak to your doctor. Although i dont know anything about propanolo so maybe thats all you need? I wish we could just fix this for each other. its so hard. BUT you are so very brave going back to work.
This week has been good! I have stayed in work all day all week and increased my hours to teach all mornings and one afternoon. I stayed for a staff meeting and have seen friends in the evenings instead of just working. I feel stronger this week. Taking the propanolol one slow release tablet each morning definitely helps as I can take it and then forget about it for the rest of the day. I feel one step closer to the old me. I hope everyone is doing well and making improvements. Take care. Xxxxx
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