oh no_1
10-01-13, 13:15
um end of last week thought i needed to get back to work, all new children started, feelings came back the wed so the thurs rang to get docs app.....got back to work note fri morn emailed head and mentor to say i had a back to work note, but then over weekend all i did was cry (and im not a crying person) so sunday decided i wasnt ready so send another email (dont like to mess ppl about but like to be honest and for them to know. but then didnt know if i was just anxious cos been off work a while and was in all week (agreed to it ages ago) with home visits and always go to open day to meet new children and new parents before they were then starting on the thurs.... thought going in on the monday would help get back into things if you know wot i mean with it been a training day and arrnaged to go in and see job share etc.
got in and went to see head, once i finally got out of car. he said try and go to the briefing and then hell see me after that.
well all way through that my chest was tight, couldnt concentrate, in a daze, kept getting really hot thought i was choking so kept taking cardigan off n then on and then off.
um this went on all day and tried to stay and keep busy and make things for new children starting. there wasnt even any pupils in today either :( head said not to come in tues and wed and they sorted cover, and um went to docs last night, she gave week sick note and put on the comments may benefit from visit into work.... rang head and he was really nice even though i was a crying mess.... sending me to occupational health..... and said they can arrange for um not sure if he said 6 sessions of counselling or something.... he going to get me details anyway, he said i must be confused and said i need to concentrate on getting well.
i just keep feeling guilt when im off and that need to get back as so much to do and trying my best.
think im so upset as it hit me and never ever felt this bad/ill wotever ever..... and know all i do want is to be well but feel selfish about thinking that i need to concentrate on myself.
got in and went to see head, once i finally got out of car. he said try and go to the briefing and then hell see me after that.
well all way through that my chest was tight, couldnt concentrate, in a daze, kept getting really hot thought i was choking so kept taking cardigan off n then on and then off.
um this went on all day and tried to stay and keep busy and make things for new children starting. there wasnt even any pupils in today either :( head said not to come in tues and wed and they sorted cover, and um went to docs last night, she gave week sick note and put on the comments may benefit from visit into work.... rang head and he was really nice even though i was a crying mess.... sending me to occupational health..... and said they can arrange for um not sure if he said 6 sessions of counselling or something.... he going to get me details anyway, he said i must be confused and said i need to concentrate on getting well.
i just keep feeling guilt when im off and that need to get back as so much to do and trying my best.
think im so upset as it hit me and never ever felt this bad/ill wotever ever..... and know all i do want is to be well but feel selfish about thinking that i need to concentrate on myself.