How can I toughen up?

[unspoken]

I haven't been on this site for a couple of years to be honest. I joined 3 years ago when work problems had made me really anxious and depressed.

In the past 18 months I've found a job that was initially less stressful and also managed to move out of my parents' house. Things were going pretty well with only the occasional blip in my mood but these past few months work has got a lot more stressful. I just looked at my signature on this site and it is still really relevant. I do still wish that I was bullet proof. A few months ago one of my colleagues moved department and I was asked to look after his portfolio as well as my own temporarily. I was told it would only be a couple of weeks. It's been 2 months so far. Now another colleague has also moved department. It's just me and my boss left on my team. Next week my boss is going to be off for 3 days so it'll be just me. I am barely coping with the work load and I am really struggling with other people in the company having a go at me about things. I've always found it difficult to take people confronting me. My mind goes blank, I can't think of anything to say, and I panic and start to cry. Then afterwards I am angry with myself for it.

My boss is fairly understanding as he has anxiety problems himself. But he has told me that I need to toughen up and also to stop beating myself up about things that aren't my fault. But that's what I do. I've had CBT, I've had counselling, didn't stop it. I am more confident now but still I struggle when people directly confront me. I also beat myself up if I make a mistake and get preoccupied with thinking over scenarios in which I did something slightly differently and managed to avoid making the mistake.

Work stress is making me moody and evasive with people outside of work. People keep asking me what's wrong at work and talking about it makes me feel worse. I feel embarrassed that I panic and I managed to go until recently with nobody except my boss and another colleague knowing about my problems. I don't want to give up my job because I don't mind the work apart from dealing with the people and I know I am good at the technical side of it.

How can I toughen up and deal with difficult people? I don't know where to start.

[Bill]

I must admit, it really ...... me off when I hear people tell others they need to toughen up making them feel bad because these people think everyone should be like them. Oh what a sad world we would live in if everyone listened to these people where everyone just thought of themselves and life was judged by the amount of profit people can make regardless of the human cost.

Why can't people see that it's up to them to soften up, to be more like people like yourself. Wouldn't the world be a better place to live if we all cared about each others well being instead of demanding more from people than is humanly possible?

Instead of your boss being as you say understanding, he should realise that you're already taking on two peoples work and now they're expecting you to take on three peoples work, and they don't even stop to think why you're finding it too much? What he should be doing is getting more help for you or helping more himself rather than waiting until you crack under the pressure that they are unreasonably placing on you. Your boss will have a bigger problem on his hands then.

What I would say to you is Don't change and ignore those who make you feel bad saying that you've got the problem because they should try being in your position to see how they would cope. I'd also say they should be thinking and behaving more like you and that they need to learn to soften up to look after their valuable staff better. I realise they won't though because all they can see is how much they can get out of someone to save themselves money because these days those in charge care more about balancing the books than the cost to the human beings.

I know what I'd say to my boss - I'm doing the best I can under the workload you've put on me - and you and he shouldn't expect more than is humanly possible.:hugs:....oh, and just be You. Don't change because there are alot of people who need you just the way you are. Just try not to be too hard on yourself, accept you're doing your best and no one could do more under the amount of pressure that's been put on you, and ignore those who try to make you feel bad because they should be trying to be more like you.:hugs:

[Tessie28]

:hugs:Hi, your boss has to be really careful there - not a good thing to say. I go with Bill, take care.