Feeling so low

[Laura123]

My dad has terminal cancer, he is so very angry, everything we say seems to annoy him. It's like he has resigned from his parent role and I feel lost without his guidance, I am grieving for him and he is still here. Time is slipping away and dad won't let us in and we will never get this time back. Chemo is so cruel, they say it will ease symptoms, but I have only seen deterioration. I am utterly consumed with grief and sadness and I just want to hug him and tell him how dearly I love him but he doesn't want me, that hurts so much. Just needed to vent. X

[Elle-Kay]

Sorry to hear this Laura. There's nothing I can really say, but I'm sending you virtual :bighug1: anyway!

[Dazza123]

Could you write him a note, expressing your feelings, and just tell him that all you want to do is give him a hug and tell him how dearly you love him?

His anger is understandable, Im pretty sure id be the same if I were in his situation, of which I hope I never will be.

Not much more I can say, its awfully sad, I just hope you have the strength to get through this with your dad and you can sort this out.

Take care :hugs:

[Annie0904]

I think it is your dad's way of dealing with it Laura. Maybe it is easier for him to distance himself as his love for you is so strong that it hurts him to know he doesn't have many more years to be with you, so he is keeping that distance. Don't take it personally. My great Uncle was the same with me. I was his 'favourite' but when he got cancer and knew it was terminal he changed. One day I went to visit him and he actually shouted at me and told me to go and not come back. It really broke my heart. I went back but he was so much more distant with me and didn't hug me like he used to. I just had to tell myself "This is his illness behaving like this, it isn't my uncle. Now I try to forget those last days and remember the happy memories before his illness. I am so sorry you are going through this Laura. Sending you :hugs::hugs::hugs: xxx

[Serenitie]

I agree with what Annie says. Sometimes when someone is hurting so badly they push away the people that they love the most. Your Dad may be doing this to protect you from the hurt he is feeling. All you can do is be there for him.

When my Nan was dying she could not speak much so I massaged her hands with lavender which distracted her from her pain and showed her that I loved her. Maybe you could read your Dad his favourite book or watch a film together?

Make sure that you have plenty of support too, Laura. You are in my thoughts and I'm sending lots of love and hugs your way :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[panickyme]

Annie said it the best, he doesn't mean to be like this, it is the illness, not him. He loves you very much, just hang in there. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Elle-Kay]

Annie, as usual, has given you some excellent advice Laura. I know I said before that I couldn't really add anything, but now that Annie has posted I'd like to just add that I totally agree with what she said about compartmentalising your wonderful Dad from his illness so that (with time) you take nothing but happy memories on with you.

In the last few years of her life my beloved Grandma developed vascular dementia and in the end she retreated to her past and didn't recognise us. It was heartbreaking, and for a while after she died I couldn't take Annie's advice and could only feel sorry, but eventually I learned to separate the two parts of Grandma's life, and now when I think of her I remember her smiling, and laughing, and making the (sometimes awful!) invented puddings she used to like to make up on a whim, and the memories of her as she was at the end of her life are smaller, and less significant.

[Laura123]

Thanks everyone. I went to see dad yesterday and he managed to tolerate me for about an hour, he pretty much kicked us out. Its just so hard, I want to say so many things but something just stops me, I don't know why but I just can't get it out, I feel like if I say anything to do with emotions he will be mad with me. The whole family is tiptoeing around him, scared to upset him in case he closes the door completley on us. I have spoken with his mcmillan nurse and said I think he is very depressed and perhaps he needs an antidepressant to help him through, hoping they mention this to him, they will see him tomorrow. I miss my dad so much, he is just not the same man anymore. Xx