Poll: Is your life completely dominated by fear?

[eight days a week]

For me: YES

I have recently realised that my life, every decision, every minute, every second was being dominated by my FEAR.

I would be really REALLY grateful if people would vote in the poll, and tell me if you feel the same.

Please feel free to explain more by posting.

Also, if you don't mind please list your conditions. Mine are:

PTSD
GAD
Panic Disorder
Depression

I have extreme bouts of agoraphobia also.

The reason I am asking is because I have been trying a new way to overcome my problems due to fear. So, I wonder how many people are like me?

Thanks a lot!!

[almamatters]

I posted almost always, I worry and am scared about loads of stuff.
conditions are GAD and HA

[jayjoe18]

Yes for me also. I am practically housebound apart from a few places because of fear though I'm not agoraphobic, I don't think anyway. I have lost all my friends, I had to leave college and my hopes of uni are looking pretty slim.

I've never really been properly diagnosed, but I feel that I have the following:

Social Anxiety
Health Anxiety
Slight OCD
Phobias
GAD

I get into panics but I don't really have actual panic attacks, I don't know if this is wierd or not? I'm just a really anxious person I think, it all started for me when I became a teenager and has got progressively worse as times gone on (now 19). It seems to run in my family too.

Hope that helps!

[paula lynne]

I will happily contribute, could you elaborate on how our answers could influence you in trying this new approach to combating fear ? And also what is this new approach.......interested....:) Best wishes, Paula x

Anxiety and panic attacks linked to menstrual cycle
Agoraphobia
Vertigo
Palpatations
Aortic Reflux
Migraine
Asthma
Bouts of self harm linked to menstrual cycle
Reliance on painkillers
Heart pain

Thanks x

[eight days a week]

Thanks a lot for posting guys :)

Sorry I should have made it clearer for everyone - I am not asking for your conditions or any other information if you don't want to give it, it just interests me what experiences everyone is having. Thanks so much!

alma - out of interest, as you didn't vote 'always', can you identify the times when you are free from fear, or even what's 'different' about those times?

jayjoe - so sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you too, I really hope you can overcome the things that are troubling you and resume your life :) Perhaps getting a diagnosis you can then be offered treatment? CBT helped me immensely with my panic attacks and agoraphobia.

Oh, you don't need a doctor's diagnosis, a lot of the time I think we know better than them anyway!! :D

[paula lynne]

Im sorry edaw, have I got the wrong end of the stick here?? :blush: I dont mind listing my conditions as that is what you asked in your origonal post......you also said that the reason you were asking was because you were trying a new approach to combating fear, which you should be applauded for.:yesyes:( I love pro-active people) , I was just interested HOW our answers would contribute to you trying this new approach and what it was......it could help others maybe?

I think my last 2 brain cells are not working today? :doh:
(Good to see you around, I remember you from ages ago.....)

[almamatters]

This is going to sound a bit weird, but the times I am not full of fear is when I really have something to worry about.
For instance I could be sitting stressing and worrying about nothing in particular but if something drastic happened like last year when our water tank flooded the kitchen, I became amazingly calm and focused.
Soon as crisis was over, I resorted back to my usual very anxious self.
Hope I have explained this ok. It is weird and I can't explain why I am like this.

[eight days a week]

Thanks so much Paula, and very good wishes to you too my friend :hugs:

Sorry I did not explain very well in my first post I don't think :doh:

The answers here won't influence my approach at all! It seems to be working for me so far, so I will continue with it :)

It's just that I realised that all my own problems have been 100% because of fear. And so I'm trying to address the fear itself. No meds, no confronting fear or trying to overcome it, no therapy. Just a simple change I have made to my thinking. So, it's free!

I won't be explaining it on this thread - I'll make a new one for that. But I've only been practising this for a very short time (a month or two) so I think it's far too early for me to say 'this works - try it!'. When I am sure it is the 'answer' to my own problems I promise I will share it.

I just know it's working for me so far :)

This thread is just to find out, really, how much people are in fear. Because all I am doing is trying a new approach (for me) to combat fear, which I have never seen mentioned on this website.

Then I will have some idea (if it does end up working for me) how much it might help other people with similar problems to me :)

Paula you make a great point - physical and hormonal problems, which I hadn't even thought of. As this is just a change in thinking (not like CBT) it wouldn't help with any of that directly unfortunately. But, indirectly I guess my hope would be that in the long-run the fear would stop making things worse.

---------- Post added at 18:29 ---------- Previous post was at 18:09 ----------


Im sorry edaw, have I got the wrong end of the stick here?? :blush: I dont mind listing my conditions as that is what you asked in your origonal post......you also said that the reason you were asking was because you were trying a new approach to combating fear, which you should be applauded for.:yesyes:( I love pro-active people) , I was just interested HOW our answers would contribute to you trying this new approach and what it was......it could help others maybe?

I think my last 2 brain cells are not working today? :doh:
(Good to see you around, I remember you from ages ago.....)

Hi Paula, sorry I have not been around much because I have been very busy on another site (not related to panic or anxiety) and also taking lovely long epsom salt baths and bathing with some beautiful soaps a very kind person made with great love and care for the shop on here :yesyes:

I hope my last post answers your questions, if not please ask again :)

If people don't mind listing the conditions they think they have then that's really interesting, but if they don't want to (or even post on this thread) then please just vote in the poll.


This is going to sound a bit weird, but the times I am not full of fear is when I really have something to worry about.
For instance I could be sitting stressing and worrying about nothing in particular but if something drastic happened like last year when our water tank flooded the kitchen, I became amazingly calm and focused.
Soon as crisis was over, I resorted back to my usual very anxious self.
Hope I have explained this ok. It is weird and I can't explain why I am like this.

That's not weird at all! We are all different and affected in different ways! Thanks for explaining :)

So, your fear response when it is actually needed is working perfectly :yesyes: It is other times you worry. It makes perfect sense! Like, if I saw a child almost hit by a car, I would run and save them. Afterwards (being an over-thinker and prone to anxiety) I would probably have panics thinking 'omg what if I hadn't been there'!!

Something similar happened to me when I was 11 involving a train, but I saved myself. I was already anxious (a family trait) but I know now that incident fed into the PTSD I suffered from in later life, and why I have always lived in fear.

[almamatters]

Sorry yes you explained it very well. Don't feel quite so weird now lol

[eight days a week]

Sorry yes you explained it very well. Don't feel quite so weird now lol

You are not 'weird' at all my friend :hugs:

That is a very important first step to understand I think, and one thing this website does so well :yesyes:

It's good to talk :)

[AuntieMoosie]

Well I've answered "some of the time"

But it really depends on how I'm feeling, some days I feel fearful all day, some days for part of the day and some days not at all :)

I was, however, in the situation that my life was completely dominated by fear, I used to tell people that I felt like I was walking around in a "bubble" of fear and that started way back in childhood for me.

I am now getting better and making progress but I would say that fear still is a major part of my life and one that I can't wait to be rid of really :)

I'm currently doing CBT which is a way of confronting fear, you just do it gradually over a period of time, it's helping me lots :)

eight days a week, this is a good poll and I'm loving reading the thread too, hope lots join in and share their experiences :) :hugs:

My conditions are

Agoraphobia
Panic Disorder
Moderate Depression, which is treated with antidepressants :) :hugs:

[ricardo]

I have GAD,and HA but am really interested to ask what so many people have asked me.

When or how did this condition start ?

I have had many theories but non conclusive.

[AuntieMoosie]

Hello ricardo :D

It is my belief, so it wont be every one's, but it's what I think, and that is that I think that anxiety usually, although by no means always, can be found to be routed in childhood :)

I think it has to do with how we learn to deal with fear as we're growing up and whether we're given the right input to learn to deal with it in a positive way :)

Unfortunately, I was kind of left to deal with it in my own way, as was the nature of my childhood, it was believed by those looking after me that because I was very quiet, preferring to be on my own, that I was okay, this, of course, couldn't have been further from the truth of the matter :)

As children we can pick up fears from anything, and, of course, fear is a normal human emotion which does keep us safe, but I feel if a childs fear is not addressed properly then the child will then use it's own devices to cope with it and, unfortunately, they will usually pick the wrong devices and behaviours :)

Of course we then grow into adulthood and all might be well for many years, until something happens that triggers our fears and also triggers how we learned to deal with those fears and, bingo!!!! the problem then starts :)

Of course all is not lost, as it never is in life, because even as adults we have the ability to learn new skills, so we can then address the situation more positively :)

Were your parents good at picking up how you were feeling on an emotional level ric??
Could you easily go to your parents if you were frightened and get input from them??

Anyway, this is my belief and others will have very different beliefs :)

Hope this has helped a bit ric :hugs:

[eight days a week]

Ricardo -great post, what do you think? Any ideas at all, even just a 'funny feeling'?

Moosie - thank you so much.

You have given me some incredible information here, perhaps, something I definitely could not have thought up alone (this is why I am posting this thread - because I think others can pass on some incredible insights and new ways of thinking and also because it is just good, beneficial and healthy I believe to connect with each others) :yesyes:


The 'lightbulb' moment you gave me is because you said that it depends on your fear level. If you don't mind answering (and no problem at all if you'd rather not :hugs:), are the days you feel fearful the days when you are more likely to suffer from agoraphobia and panic?


Hello ricardo :D

It is my belief, so it wont be every one's, but it's what I think, and that is that I think that anxiety usually, although by no means always, can be found to be routed in childhood :)

I think it has to do with how we learn to deal with fear as we're growing up and whether we're given the right input to learn to deal with it in a positive way :)

Unfortunately, I was kind of left to deal with it in my own way, as was the nature of my childhood, it was believed by those looking after me that because I was very quiet, preferring to be on my own, that I was okay, this, of course, couldn't have been further from the truth of the matter :)

As children we can pick up fears from anything, and, of course, fear is a normal human emotion which does keep us safe, but I feel if a childs fear is not addressed properly then the child will then use it's own devices to cope with it and, unfortunately, they will usually pick the wrong devices and behaviours :)

Of course we then grow into adulthood and all might be well for many years, until something happens that triggers our fears and also triggers how we learned to deal with those fears and, bingo!!!! the problem then starts :)

Of course all is not lost, as it never is in life, because even as adults we have the ability to learn new skills, so we can then address the situation more positively :)

Were your parents good at picking up how you were feeling on an emotional level ric??
Could you easily go to your parents if you were frightened and get input from them??

Anyway, this is my belief and others will have very different beliefs :)

Hope this has helped a bit ric :hugs:

I know this is a reply to Ric, but I just HAD to comment. I think this is an AMAZING post, and full of insight and wisdom.

The only things I can add are:

- I think many of us have a genetic disposition to this that certain factors (e.g. environmental) can bring out.

- Extreme trauma (at any age, but particularly as children) can affect anyone enough to cause these problems, even if your genes and upbringing were otherwise 'perfect'.

Thanks so much for the replies, and I am so grateful if people vote in the poll, even if they don't post anything :yesyes:

[Col]

I'll pm you Auntie moosie.

[paula lynne]

edaw...all good, and well answered, and its good to be in contact with you again x
Seems weird coming back, and everything so unfamiliar, dont recognise anyone, glad you are around x Love the poll, very interesting and hoping that your new approach helps you and gives you a new perspective, and give fear 2 fingers from me will you? :shades: Never give up xxxxxxxxxx

I need me some nice soaps, where did you get yours from from?
I dont take any meds at all...you are doing it cold like me.......and I think we need to pat each other on the back for this xx (ps, nothing against those who do) I understand we are all different.

Right, off to flash the neighbour and kiss next doors cats bottom, that is a joke for a member here, you know who you are......x
Good luck and best wishes edaw xxxxxxxx

---------- Post added at 20:41 ---------- Previous post was at 20:32 ----------

Wish there was a "like button" on here, Im privaliged to be in the company of all of, being honest isnt easy, and you rock :yesyes:

[Col]

Hi ~ almost always ~was my vote.

Was agoraphobic, over this got kids - got no choice.
Horrendous Panic Attacks
GAD
OCD- need to be in control or need order
ALL DIAGNOSED BY GP

I voted - almost always because I've suffered with panic etc for 2 years exactly and with time getting my head around it, I have learned to deal with it at times and shopping and school run I can now do without prethought, unlike before! I do though have set backs such as if I was to travel far or I'm not feeling well and I will always worry even if I get back to 99% my old self, I will always be aware that all these nasty panic problems could return , so I will always live in fear, of fear!!!!!!

[AuntieMoosie]

Col, NO! NO! NO! You wont have to always live your life being fearful of fear hun :)

We can learn to not be frightened of fear, to accept it for what it really is and learn to really "feel" it and ride with it :) The more accustomed we get with it the less fearful it then becomes :) and then, in turn, the fear will subside because we're not frightened of it any more. I'll be off to read your PM in a minute hun :hugs:

eight days a week, thank you so much for your kind compliments :) and, yes, you are perfectly correct with your theory about me having a lot more trouble with the panic and agoraphobia if I'm having a "fearful" day :) And an awful lot depends on whether I get the "little girl Moosie" or the "big girl Moosie" shouting in my ear, if you know what I mean :)

I believe that we are the child that we once was, makes perfect sense to me, our inner child doesn't just disappear as we enter adulthood, it's still there :) We have to kind of learn to parent ourselves and give ourselves what we need, goodness! I hope I'm making sense here, I find it quite tricky to explain what I mean in written word :)

Right this is the best way that I can explain it, maybe I'll make a graphic one time to show you what I mean, love doing graphics :D

Imagine you're an elastic band................................

Okay......>>>>this is>>>>>>>>>>"big you" (the adult you) :)

So normally we're moving along in life and everything's going tickety boo :D It is now that we're using our "adult self" :) our elastic band is wrapped around our "adult self"

However sometimes we get a trigger that reminds us of how we felt and how we learned to deal with things in childhood, this could be anything to feeling sad, angry, happy or frightened :)

Now when we get to feeling frightened the elastic band that's wrapped around the "big you" will go and get hooked and wrapped around the "little you" so you're now hooked to both "big you" and "little you" Your mind does that because it's trying to find out how to deal with the fear so it's looking to see what you learned :) so it's going to ping you right down here....to the "little you"




and.......>>>>>this is>>>>>>>>> "little you" (the childhood you) :)

Like I have said, all is not lost because we have the ability to learn to "parent" the "little me" and give them what they need like learning new ways of dealing with fear, and once we have achieved this, we'll be able to deal with fear in a more positive way and these new skills will last forever, once we've learned them they'll be life long :)

I do hope that I've made that easier to understand cos it's difficult to do like this :)

eight days a week :) You are spot on with the fact that any trauma that's suffered any time during life, can produce anxiety, that's why we have our soldiers that are suffering so badly with panic, anxiety and post traumatic stress syndrome, I really wouldn't know where to start to try and help people with "adult induced" anxiety, that really is a different ball game altogether and I've yet to really study that one :)

paula lynne :roflmao: :roflmao:

ricardo please come back to the thread to let us all know what you think :) Do you feel that yours was triggered by childhood or was adult induced or even a mixture of both I suppose :) Would love to know your thoughts on it :) :hugs:

[Tessar]

AuntieMoosie; your belief hits the nail on the head for me. All my issues are routed in childhood.
I'm not living in fear all the time, but if i'm alone or something triggers my fears (even when i'm around people) it isn't easy to deal with. I find it very hard to admit to others that I'm frightened. That's because if I showed I was scared as a child, my family laughed at me. Often my mother shouted at me like I was just being ridiculous

I was scared of so much when I was growing up. I was even scared of our house. I'm only just resolving these fears now. But that's the good thing, moosie as u say.... as adults we have the ability to learn new skills, so we can then address the situation more positively.

My parents didn't relate to my feelings on an emotional level at all. My girly emotions in a house dominated by males were considered laughable & I was a cissy for having them.
I learned quite young that going to my parents when frightened was more trouble than it was worth.

I suffer from depression, hormone related issues, anger related to my hormones, emetophobia & aracnophobia, fear of thunder & lightning, fear of being alone when I am older. Also a very fussy eater.

Great thread by the way

[Dazza123]

I voted Totally, because at the moment it is.

I have GAD, Panic disorder, Agoraphobia-ish, slight depression caused by so much anxiety.

I am very fed up, but im still alive so cant complain.

Oh and Im terrified of spiders, and have a very short temper caused by the anxiety.

If im in a state of high anxiety, or having a panic attack I cannot have anyone around me at all, for they're own safety, yet in a normal world im very kind, polite and non violent.

[ricardo]

I answered almost always.
I don't ponder too much about about how my condition started but after thity years of this illness the question has been asked what do I think started this and of course I have thought about it myself.
I was literally abandoned at birth and as most will know when a baby is born it is most natural for the newborn to want to suckle up to it's mother.In m,y case that did not happen.

Certain events in ones life can trigger the start of anxiety and in my case in the space of three years I lost my adopted father, had a very brief messy marriage and then lost my mother and suddenly whilst still in my twenties I was literally on my own.(this was early 80's)

I was given mogodon and Librium to calm me down but instead of taking them for a short period I was just given a repeat prescription for the best part of three years and finished up a total zombie and when I eventually came off the tablets I went "cold turkey" for a number of weeks which was the most harrowing experience in my life.I was then referred to a pyschiatrist and was given various anti depressants to try and establish some normalitty in my life.

For reasons which I don't feel I wish to disclose publically at the age of 37 I met my real mother who was an alcoholic and heavily reliant on various anti depressants and that therefore made me think that at least in my case my anxiety was handed down to me as it was in my mother's genes.I actually met my real father as well a year later and he too was an alcoholic.
Funnilly enough I have never drunk in my life.:)
Now I have a very supportive wife having been married for over 30 years but I am convinced to this day that though I and others can hide our angst sometimes we can't always, but our partners never ever really understand the anquish we go through. Would anyone like to agree or disagree with that ?

[BobbyDog]

Hello my friend, great to hear from you again.

I can totally relate to how you feel.

I have the following problems:

GAD
Social Anxiety
Panic Disorder

[pauline]

I answered totally. but need to explain that for 22 years of my life i was in totally fear never slept was shaking all the time and so much more. but for the last say year i have been alot better. I now have days when i don't have any fear, but if anything should happen that i cannot cope with be it big or small i am a mess again.

I really believe that alot of my anxiety/ panic attacks are now hormone based.

I cannot go anywhere though without a friend and then i have to take diazipam and carry alchol in my bag to just incase i need it.

---------- Post added at 14:53 ---------- Previous post was at 14:27 ----------

Richardo

I to was put in a childens home from the day i was born, i have never had any kind of parental love and i know that is why i am the way i am now. I have had a messy grown up life and now i am lonely living on my own.

The way we are treated as children shapes the adult we become. So though i know i can change i also believe that i will always have some kind of mental health issues.

[ricardo]

pauline,

I was actually abandoned at birth,fostered out and adopted at 6 weeks.If anything I was over protected as a single adopted child.

[Dazza123]

I am the same as you Pauline, If I am left alone to get on with things myself, with no outside influence I seem to get through the day, the slightest bit of stress from an outside influence and thats it, I lose my ability to cope immediately and have a meltdown.

[pauline]

Ricardo Did you feel that you were loved? I think that is all that we need as children.

Dazza123 Do you have any friends?

[Dazza123]

I have a partner Pauline, and my mum helps a LOT, I cant handle friends any more, they want you to do stuff and go places, and I cant do it at the minute, the simpler my life is, the better it is for me and until I get better, its the way it will have to stay for now.

[nomorepanic]

I voted never and I see only one other person did too lol

[spottitchsam]

almost always was my answer.I can pinpoint mine, I was 8/9 years old at the time and one day I went to see a friend to see if she would come out to play with me.well because it was raining her mother said if I wanted to I could come in the house and play.I said I would have to tell my mother but I would be back.cut a long story short we played hide and seek,when it was my turn to count I layed down on the bed face down.her dad came in and I will leave the rest of it to your imagination.anyway when it was my turn to hide I hid in the wardrobe,once more he came in and put his foot by the door so I could not get out.he then said that if I ever told my parents or anyone else he would come and kill me.I never did tell anyone until I told my gp when I knew I was in a relationship with my husband.which we have been happily been married since 1971.x

[AuntieMoosie]

This is such an interesting thread and I'm loving reading everyone's views and opinions :)

ricardo :) yes I fully agree with you in regard to your lack of nurturing and love from your natural Mother, in my opinion it does mark us in some way. So sad to hear that your "Birth Parents" both had alcohol problems, but then again, if we try to look into that in a positive way, you were kind of saved from a fate far worse really which is very true for many people, it's like a double edged sword really:)

Yes I do understand and agree about what you say about partners, my partner has never in all of his life ever had depression or anxiety of any kind, so although I know he tries to understand, I do feel that sometimes he despairs of me, though that could be just the way I'm looking at it. My ex husband had no understanding at all full stop!!! He was one for looking at everything being black or white with no in between, unfortunately my Daughter seems to have picked up this behaviour too!!! Whereas my Son is completely different, he is kind, caring very understanding and thinks a lot like I think.

I too, was brought up in a childrens home, I went into care age 3 and didn't come out until I was 16. I consider myself, in lots of ways, lucky because I was "saved" from my parents, I know for a fact that I would have been one completely screwed up person had I been bought up by ether of them, they never abused me in any way, thankfully, but on an emotional level, it would have been a complete mess.

It's just great how we're all managing to open up to each other on here, I know that it's very hard to do, I still find it hard now, but I hope that we're all gaining things from it :)

To all of you I send healing and comforting hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Nic........I think that's great you being able to vote "never" :D That's exactly the place I want to be at and hopefully will get there :D :hugs: