Newbie - Scared of the 'C' word..

[katieloveshoes]

Hi all - Newbie here.

My HA started after I had a cough for 2 weeks; Went to the doctors and he couldn't find an infection and said I might have Asthma. Thinking back, it was a pretty bad doctor to be fair (walk in centre - never any good).

So it started from there really - from the point i'm convinced I've got cancer or about to have a heart attack. Even writing that sentence knocked me sick. Some days its my chest and ive got cancer, some days my breasts and ive got cancer, some days my back hurts so its lung cancer, some days my stomach hurts so its colon cancer, my head so its brain cancer - I cant seem to get away from it. A slight twinge sends me into a frenzy.

I find it alarming how I can sit and write that, but I cant watch certain TV programmes any more (in fact most) - I can only watch shows that I know how its going to end - so no nasty surprises.

I have to feel my pulse as a safety check most days to make sure its not irregular. I love getting into bed and going to sleep because my panic and twinges go away then.

I saw a councilor for the first time tonight who really helped - I thought the following really helped;

'Its like Nits - when people discuss them and talk about them, what happens?' to which I replied.. 'I scratch my head' she smiled and said exactly.

This really hit home with me, and maybe it might help a few others.

I'm on the waiting list for therapy - I was diagnosed Diazapam and Citalopram but I wouldn't take them because - guess - I was scared of the what might happen, which is why I was referred instead.

So anyway.. Hi fellow sufferers. Today's been a 'good' day - can't guarantee tomorrow will be, but thought id post while I was feeling good. :)

[Generalfol]

Hi, the thing with the Nits really made sense to me when I read that.

Thanks for sharing it.

[almamatters]

Hi :welcome:to the site. I share you worries, especially regarding the C word. Hope you find the forum as helpful as I do.

[katieloveshoes]

Thanks both - Glad it was useful. :-)

I hope so too - forgot to mention in my original post I was also recomended a book today called 'Overcoming Health Anxiety' which is around £7 from Amazon, its like a course book where you fill parts in etc and meant to be very good. Might be worth a look i'm going to give it a go giving the 4 month waiting list for CBT!

Im feeling positive today though. Onwards and upwards!

[Generalfol]

Sounds like a useful book, I will look into that :)

[Button1]

Hi! Just wanted to say welcome! You've already been really helpful : )

My HA is totally centred around cancer and I've got no real idea why. We don't have a history of it in my family and I've never known anyone with it. Over the years I've 'had' breast cancer, cervical cancer, pancreatic cancer and most recently (and the one that is REALLY sticking around) bowel cancer. It totally governs my life and even when I'm not in an obvious panic or worried about 'symptoms' I go on bowel cancer websites every day. It's not something I'm proud of or that I understand...


I've been prescribed sertraline which I started last year after a terrible episode of HA but had to stop because I got pregnant. I've now been prescribed this again along with diazepam. The hallmark of my HA is that I can't wait until I have medical reassurance and when I say 'can't wait' I really mean it. I'm literally in total meltdown until I've spoken to a doctor (even then it doesn't always help). In those instances I have to take the diazepam. Pre-medication I've been so hysterical about cancer and my symptoms that I'd be constantly crying down the phone to NHS direct to the point where they were calling me to check that I was ok. A clinical adviser there has even called my doctors surgery asking them to see me because I've been in such a state...


I'm not quite sure why I've just blurted all that but sometimes I think it helps to know that however bad you think your HA is and however misunderstood it is by the lucky people who don't have it, there are lots of people who know exactly what you're going through.


I've had CBT and was recommended 'overcoming health anxiety' by my therapist. Whilst it hasn't cracked all my issues (mainly not being able to deal with not knowing 100% that I'm not ill and knowing it instantly) it struck such a chord with me that I actually cried sometimes when reading it and it is very helpful. It's like No More Panic in book form! So is highly recommend it...


X

[cbornet]

You sound exactly like me! I'm so scared of the C word. Pancreatic especially. I started Zoloft about 3 weeks ago too. I think it's helped with the full blown panic. We can get through this!

[FR14]

I am exactly the same- complety freaked out by the C word and I have no family history either. I used to watch Holby City religiously until I started diagnosing myself with everything that came up on there... so I think that is partly to blame.

I have had my referral letter through for CBT, I need to ring and arrange an appointment... not looking forward to hearing that there is a 4 month wait though. I will definitely consider buying the book!

I can see where you are all coming from and have also had every form of C in the past year. Katielovesshoes, I have also turned down medication with concern of the effects it may cause!! I also have the fear of getting addicted to them and never being able to get off them and going even more crazy than I already am.

I write all this knowing I have bad HA but I still I think... but im probably still ill so dont get too convinced its HA. My chest x-ray is today for my current concern, doctor was very hesitatant to refer me but I pushed it through.

Button1, don't be afraid to let it all out, thats what we are here for :).

FR x

[supercooper]

Katielovesshoes,
I am so pleased I read your original post, it sounds like I could have written it, it instantly gave me a little relief, I am exactly the same as you and look forward to bedtime unfortunately my little girl wakes me up sometimes 15 times a night so as you can imagine trying to get back off to sleep when worrying is a nightmare so I have to add fatigue to my ever growing list!!
I`m going to print your post off to remind me `m not alone!!!

Thanks
xxx

[Orca83]

You are exactly like me I've had every cancer going not bad for a 29 year old
I thought I had a brain tumour before Christmas for about 3 months, everyday the pains in my head and all day googling but once I got the all clear I felt great
So I thought finally some freedom from the dreaded C word but guess what it's prostate cancer now so every minute I'm googling and worrying as I'm seeing a lot which I know is a anxiety symptom.
My wife is pregnant and I try not to go on infront of her looking for reassurance
But it's hard everyday:D