twistandshout
15-01-13, 23:15
Hi, firstly, thanks for taking the time to read and for any advice you may give.
I have and am still going through a strange time in my life, I have been through CBT & Councelling for Health Anxiety over teh last 18 months & now my anxiety has steamed elsewhere, your thoughts / advice would be very much appreciated.
I have been with my current Girlfriend for two years, she is great but very very much "high maintenance".
She has broken up with me several times although I know it is just her temper rather than her wanting to do this, in the gaps where we have been apart I have sought female company & had various "sexual experiences" with a three females.
I have always had a lot of anxiety about getting a woman pregnant, I have always been very safe indeed, Pill / Condoms etc.
The GF and me broke up a while back and I slept with my ex twice, I managed to convince myself I have contracted HIv and passed it on to her, every symptom you could imagine was present... I had 24 HIV tests over 14 months, the "window perios" for detection is never more than 3 so I more than covered any potential risk I spent a fortuned on private testes and went to see top HIV Physicians across the UK, only to be told the same thing, stop worrying, learn from your mistake and move on.
July of last yearcame around & I decided I would have a final HIV test, this was at 14 months, it came back negative as expected..
On the night of the test, I asked a friend who I had had protected sex with to perform a pregnancy test, she agreed and it was negative, I had slept with her three times and not (please excuse the frank nature of my post) even ejaculated into the condom whilst inside her, she was also on the pill although had just switched from the combined to the mini and actually showed some signs of pregnancy. (Weight gain & enlarged breasts)
I am certain that she filled teh julg up partly with water before I performed th test, I aked her to repeat two weeks later and she did, it was also negative.
She had sex with a guy 5 weeks after we last slept together, he was an ex to her and guess what, she bacem pregnant... I went out of my mind withguilt as I had got back with my GF and believed that the girl in question had tried to hide it from me, I presented my fears to her & I have seen the scan photos, calculated teh dates with her midwife appointments etc and it does fit that the dates she had sex with her ex would make it his child, having seen the midwifes notes on both ocassions the size of the unborn child corelates with their encounter, not ours..
So, I was moving on through all of this when I found out last week that a girl who I had had "foreplay" with had also become pregnant, I did not have sex with her and there is no chance that our "bits" got close to each others, there were to ocassions where this happened.. I know that she had has sex about a week before we had our "moment" with a guy she met at a club, she did indeed not find out she was pregnant for several months... She too know from past epxeriences (no sex, only ever foreplay) that I have always had anxieties over when we have done things, I have asked her about her menstrual cycle to confirm that she was not pregnant in the past.. She has always been reasonale about this.
Again, please excuse the crudeness, this is not easy to type... The least time we had an encounter, as I was still horny, I finished myslef off in the bathroom and cleaned all of the surfaces just to amke sure that there was no risk if she used the bathroom and then touched herself, she did use the bathroom straight after msyelf so this got my mind going.. even though I was not messy and cleaned teh surfaces / toilet chain etc.
As youcan see see, things seem pretty messed up, can anyone offer any sugestions, I appreciate I sound like a Jeremy Kyle candidate but I am not rough nor careless, I am in a realtionship that I don't know if it is any good for me yet I feel I must keep trying to make it work, when she finishes with me or things get tough, I look elsewhere for teh affection, then, when we are back together, the prgnancy worries set in, even more so now taht the two women in question or both pregnant... I feel I have done everything right not to get either of them pregnant yet my mind is so worried about it, I don't know where to start to sort it out?
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope it is not as mad as I feel right now :(
I have and am still going through a strange time in my life, I have been through CBT & Councelling for Health Anxiety over teh last 18 months & now my anxiety has steamed elsewhere, your thoughts / advice would be very much appreciated.
I have been with my current Girlfriend for two years, she is great but very very much "high maintenance".
She has broken up with me several times although I know it is just her temper rather than her wanting to do this, in the gaps where we have been apart I have sought female company & had various "sexual experiences" with a three females.
I have always had a lot of anxiety about getting a woman pregnant, I have always been very safe indeed, Pill / Condoms etc.
The GF and me broke up a while back and I slept with my ex twice, I managed to convince myself I have contracted HIv and passed it on to her, every symptom you could imagine was present... I had 24 HIV tests over 14 months, the "window perios" for detection is never more than 3 so I more than covered any potential risk I spent a fortuned on private testes and went to see top HIV Physicians across the UK, only to be told the same thing, stop worrying, learn from your mistake and move on.
July of last yearcame around & I decided I would have a final HIV test, this was at 14 months, it came back negative as expected..
On the night of the test, I asked a friend who I had had protected sex with to perform a pregnancy test, she agreed and it was negative, I had slept with her three times and not (please excuse the frank nature of my post) even ejaculated into the condom whilst inside her, she was also on the pill although had just switched from the combined to the mini and actually showed some signs of pregnancy. (Weight gain & enlarged breasts)
I am certain that she filled teh julg up partly with water before I performed th test, I aked her to repeat two weeks later and she did, it was also negative.
She had sex with a guy 5 weeks after we last slept together, he was an ex to her and guess what, she bacem pregnant... I went out of my mind withguilt as I had got back with my GF and believed that the girl in question had tried to hide it from me, I presented my fears to her & I have seen the scan photos, calculated teh dates with her midwife appointments etc and it does fit that the dates she had sex with her ex would make it his child, having seen the midwifes notes on both ocassions the size of the unborn child corelates with their encounter, not ours..
So, I was moving on through all of this when I found out last week that a girl who I had had "foreplay" with had also become pregnant, I did not have sex with her and there is no chance that our "bits" got close to each others, there were to ocassions where this happened.. I know that she had has sex about a week before we had our "moment" with a guy she met at a club, she did indeed not find out she was pregnant for several months... She too know from past epxeriences (no sex, only ever foreplay) that I have always had anxieties over when we have done things, I have asked her about her menstrual cycle to confirm that she was not pregnant in the past.. She has always been reasonale about this.
Again, please excuse the crudeness, this is not easy to type... The least time we had an encounter, as I was still horny, I finished myslef off in the bathroom and cleaned all of the surfaces just to amke sure that there was no risk if she used the bathroom and then touched herself, she did use the bathroom straight after msyelf so this got my mind going.. even though I was not messy and cleaned teh surfaces / toilet chain etc.
As youcan see see, things seem pretty messed up, can anyone offer any sugestions, I appreciate I sound like a Jeremy Kyle candidate but I am not rough nor careless, I am in a realtionship that I don't know if it is any good for me yet I feel I must keep trying to make it work, when she finishes with me or things get tough, I look elsewhere for teh affection, then, when we are back together, the prgnancy worries set in, even more so now taht the two women in question or both pregnant... I feel I have done everything right not to get either of them pregnant yet my mind is so worried about it, I don't know where to start to sort it out?
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope it is not as mad as I feel right now :(