horrible holidays and ruining my new term at uni

[grace.M]

anxiety and panic attacks have hit me over the holidays, i had my housemates who i have been living with for 2 years think it was ok to tell me that thay did dent want to live with me in the new uni year, the only reason i got was 'it would be easier' i knew something like this would happen as they were always close to each other.. and i found it easier to do my own thing, and with what was mild social anxiety at the time (id managed to handle it somewhat over the years) i did try to socialise with them and help around the house

thay invited me to join in helping with a christmas meal, cook a bit and enjoy an evening with them.. i felt really involved and we all talked, little did i know it was when thay would tell me :/

well i was going home the next day and i was in no way to even think about talking to them about it i was so hurt that thay would think it was ok to tell me like that, even if thay had no idea i suffered from panic attacks and anxiety. over the holidays i was constantly on edge all my social and health anxieties came back and i couldn't sleep or eat for the most part, i was on a constant down and it was nearly christmas (lucky me) i was kept up by a constant worry and fear about going back and having to live with them for another 5 months i felt like thay all hated me. i hadn't had a panic attack in months previous to this but just before new years i had a panic attack in front of family (to my horror) and it was the worst feeling knowing it was going to happen, luckily thay were supportive and calmed me down before it got too bad.

I'm now in my new term in uni and the only escape i have is my boyfriends place and I'm so lucky he is supportive about the whole thing, he knew i suffered with panic attacks before this happened so he wasn't too shocked to wake up to find me in the middle of one recently, again i get so hopeless because i used to be able to make sure i wasn't around anyone when i panicked and i even managed to keep the anxiety and panic saved for when I'm on my own and think too much, not anymore.. everything has hit me again, i even got panic in swimming pool changing rooms and when i was out with friends.


basicaly I've been on edge and fearing for new panic attacks all the time. I've been avoiding going back to the house i pay rent for and i haven't been attending uni and missing seminars purely because of a fear of panic and anxiety creeping up more and more. and along side this my motivation has completely gone... I'm so upset, blaming my anxiety for this happening and worrying I'm too much hassle to be around,

sorry its a lot to read but thank you if you have

[cattia]

That's really hurtful that your friend's treated you like that. It's a long time since I was at university but I do remember this sort of thing happening, people can be quite clichey and just focused on having run themselves without too much thought for those around them. Do you have other friends who you could live with next year? When I was in my second year there was a huge group of us who were going to lice together and me and my friend ended up doing all the running around trying to sort it all out, then a couple of people dropped out at the last minute and people all paired off and my friend and i were left in the lurch late in the day with nowhere to live and no house mates. In the end it turned out amazingly as we found a couple of lads who were looking for house mates. We didn't know them well but we all moved in together and had the best year ever! Sometimes getting away from people can be a blessing in disguise and as your friends have not treated you with respect you would be best off away from them. I know that probably doesn't make you feel any better but this could give you the opportunity to live with people who actually behave better to you.
Is there any way you could move out before the end of the year? Would you consider going back into halls for a while? It's tough when you have anxiety and feel depressed and you can't relax in your own hime, thay makes it very stressful.
Universities generally have great support in place for their students and you will probably find that you have access to free counselling which could help your mood, also if things get bad you could always try a short spell on meds which might lift your mood.

[Pigeon]

Hello Grace, What a rotten time you've had. I didn't go to uni but I can imagine it's difficult at the best of times - away from home, lots of pressures and trying to see where you fit in. I agree with what Cattia said about.........well all of it really!

I think a a chat with the counsellor sounds good. I aslo think that your current house -'mates' (not) may have been a barrier to you finding friends who are more in tune with you.

All-in-all, although it seems like a tragedy now, something good could come out of this. You could get some help with your anxiety problems and find a new bunch of friends who are worth your efforts.
You're boyfriend sounds like a sympathetic and understanding fella and hopefully he can give you some support.

Good luck with everything and big hugs:hugs:

[grace.M]

thank you for replying :) yeah i think i'll be better off living with different people anyway, thay did dent make the effort to get to know me and decided to just treat me like a room filler. I'm just upset my anxieties gotten so bad i can't even go about what i was doing in uni normally, my panic attacks have shown up again and all the anxiety going to uni and trying to socialise have returned as well, i have seen my uni councillor once and I'm hopefully going to see her again soon, at the moment she just wants to understand everything thats been going on in the last few years... I'm not sure about meds and how it will help, does it just help with panic attacks? i don't quite know how to handle the anxiety when I'm out and about, especially at uni :/

[Pigeon]

I'm no expert on meds but pretty sure there are some that can help with anxiety and panic attacks. Your GP should be able to advise you on the best ones that suit your particular needs. I believe some take time to work and they're not the solution in themselves. It has to be a combination of things, ie meds, therapy, learning new habits and thinking processes etc.

It will all get sorted in time, I promise :)

[PinkRoxy]

Grace I am really sorry that had happened to you. I myself had suffered social anxiety and I had a lot of fears like you did. I had a fear that no one will like me and I even felt uncomfortable trying to make an effort to socialise in front of people. I am thankful that in my study year I had found a group of friends who liked me and accepted me for who I am faults and all.

It really sucks that you are missing lectures and classes because of your anxiety as you have paid for the course and it would be disappointing if you didn't get to finish it. Have you talked to your tutors about how you have been feeling? They may be able to help you out.

Anyway I hope you do feel better soon as its not nice feeling like this