Fear of going crazy / racing thoughts

[JoeRW1987]

Hi everyone.

I have this thinking habit which has been disrupting my life for some time now. Its hard to put into words, but I'll do my best. Basically, I would have to describe it as an automatic hijacking of my thoughts. It has sometimes been a tendency for having an irrational fear for the safety of loved ones, or sometimes religious fears, but the most common type is the tendency to think bad thoughts about people who I see or speak to. I would describe it as a FEAR of thinking such thoughts, rather than actually inagining scenarios etc, its like an autmoatic habit.

I experience 'flash' thoughts of panic about this tendency being incurable, and then I have to relive the moment of the thought and check on the exact chain if thoughts that led up to the 'flash' feeling, in order to be sure its just a thought, otherwise I worry that it will make me even worse etc, and if I cant remember the 'flash' - then it will stay in my head for hours or days, not even letting me sleep.

Recently especially, it has progressed very quickly into more of a constant feeling that I have now 'reached the point of no return' in terms of this, and its become hard to imagine going back to my old self and being free of this.

Interestingly, these thought habits usually develop during times of boredom, loss of confidence and loneliness. And when life gets very sociable and party orientated, or when I get in a relationship, it completely disappears without a trace. Even during times of extreme sadness, like when I am getting over a relationship breakup, the tendencies don't exist, but as time goes on and I think about the girl less - the tendency grows back.When boredom and time to think occur, it starts again - small and infrequent at first, but steadily increasing in strength and frequency as the weeks go on.

The problem is that it now seems to be accelerating and I find myself asking will there be a point that I become so used to this that theres no way back from it. I can usually go out with friends etc and I forget about it for a while, but lately I can feel it even when I am having fun.

I did have a turbulent and unfortunate childhood, as well as later on indulging in a lot of drugs, but that was about 5 years ago. I have read a lot of similar articles to my problem and noticed a few similarities in the symptoms etc, but not in terms of some of my tendencies. I cant remember it being worse than how it is at the moment, so I am very worried, which I think is in turn making it worse in itself. Also, everything seems less vivid these days, its hard to enjoy life. I cant tell wether I have these symptoms because I am depressed, or wether I am depressed because I have the symptoms. Any feedback or similarities are welcomed.

Thanks.

[Oosh]

Relax, I know exactly what you're talking about. You're not going crazy. You're not suffering from some incurable disease.

I'd find myself feeling ok. " things are going ok, I'm not worrying, preoccupied. I'm enjoying, I feel ok". But I'd get this fear or a feeling that "it's going to go".
It's like it would turn off my good feelings and once gone I would try desperately to recapture the thread somehow. What was my chain of thoughts ? What was the thought that broke the thread ? It would then lock me in, sometimes for a very long time, months.

I ended up seeing it like it was a neural pathway. I'm feeling ok. That feeling ok probably means you're outside yourself, flowing, thinking about external interests and NOT thinking about yourself.

It's a neural pathway resulting in those feelings etc.
But a thought, an anxiety, a fear, a doubt will pop in as easy as any thought suggesting anxious doubting things to you. This is like a crossroads which will flip you into that anxious neural pathway with all the ruminating and worrying, feeding etc

Instead of giving those doubts and anxieties the stage you have to break it up before it has a chance to to take hold. The thought will quickly be followed by the change of mood and the anxious worrying feelings so it has to become instant. Drown it out Instantly and go off mentally on a different healthy tangent and before it can take hold in anyway FORGET what it was.

What if. Shhhhhhhhh. Football. Summer. What do I need from the shops.

What if. Shhhhhhhhhhh. What is my goal for today. What have I given myself to look forward to this month.

I first heard of the technique in nlp. It's all thought patterns. And you have to break up the anxious pattern immediately with ANYTHING.

What if. CHICKENS. ROLLERCOASTERS. what do I have to study today.

Until that what if is forgotten.

It will start to establish itself as a new thought pattern. Your what ifs will get less and less stage time. And the neural pathway with all it's anxious circling thought patterns and feelings will become weaker and weaker.

In nlp they said to use anything, preferably a ridiculous, funny image. Because that will come with a lighthearted feeling that will obviously help. But the important thing is just to drown it out and forget the what if instantly.

I get it very rarely now.

Make sure your lifestyles right. A high level of nutrition. Some sort of exercise. Poor lifestyle can contribute a lot to leaving you prone to these kinds of moods and patterns of thinking.

I've found I react negatively to sugar so cut it right out of my diet.
Now if I eat something sugary on an evening I will wake in the morning and have anxiety for hours.

Hope something in there helps.

[Tessar]

That's brilliant advice, Oosh.

Its interesting, joe, that your thought habits usually develop during times of boredom, loss of confidence and loneliness. I find any time its quiet or yes if i'm bored, lonely etc....my mind can do its wandering act as well. I am similar in that when busy or consumed by something then i dont have the same troubles either. its keeping your mind & perhaps body too busy on things that helps. But even then, just like you these thoughts or feelings whatever they are, gradually creep up like a slowly rising stream. Before you know it they start flooding your mind. In my case it's like dirty water soaking into my mind which clogs up my ability to think clearly & also I get stuck, some times for months on stuff that I'd like to toss aside so I can move on.

In terms of dealing with this, there certainly are many things you can do that will help. As a staring point, what Oosh suggest can be extremely beneficial. I often speak of distraction as a way of helping many problems where people's minds seem to be playing games on them

i'm sorry u endured a turbulent childhood, it can come back to bite you as the years go by. All that emotion, frustration and anger. Have u had anything like CBT before or maybe seen a counsellor or therapist? It's amazing how helpful it can be to unpick elements of your past & free yourself of baggage that's clogging up your mind. I'd b interested to hear more. Night my friend :)

[TJSMITH]

Oosh
Had to step in as what you describe is exactly what I get and do Omg.
I can be quite happy all of a sudden a feeling of doom comes over me for no reason and I don't know why, sometimes I brush aside other times lasts for days or weeks.

I got a new job to distract me and its helped a lot. I'm on sertraline which helped me a lot but always underlying.
You have put into words what I can't.
It's all new to me as started with physical symptoms now all in my head lol....

A strange illness indeed but very real