Leukemia fears back again

[tasha87]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forum, and to HA. This has been going on for a month and a half for me and I feel I can't take anymore already :(

My fears started with what was my first panic attack and I haven't been myself since that day. Firstly I thought I had pneumonia as I was suffering from a chronic cough for weeks. The GP reassured me it wasn't that and after a couple of visits back and forth, and one trip to the ER. I was told I was suffering from Anxiety. At this stage, thanks to Dr Google I had self diagnosed myself with leukaemia, despite the fact the ER had ran my bloods and done a chest x-ray which were clear. So the GP ran more blood tests. Everything came back normal except high levels of cortisol and prolactin, (which I am being retested for tomorrow) the FBC were all within normal ranges.

This provided temporary relief of course, but I was still prescribed Zoloft and Xanax to help me to deal with my issues. I have also had 2 CBT sessions, so far so good. I really am trying to make myself get over this. I have been on Zoloft for just over 2 weeks and was just getting over the side effects, starting to feel a bit better again, and got my appetite back!

That was until yesterday, when I started feeling a sore throat and a cough starting to return. I put it down to my sinuses, as I have always suffered with them for as long as I can remember. Every morning without fail I sneeze at least ten times and my nose runs like a tap! I've also felt headache more like pressure around my temples, and my glands are a little swollen and painful. This of course has reinforced my leukaemia fears. And I am back at square one. I am so angry at myself for letting myself get into this state again. I feel nauseous again, which I'm sure I am doing to myself through anxiety. I guess I am mad because I just started to feel better and this happened to me.

Why can't I accept that the doctor was not concerned by my test results? that maybe it is just my sinuses acting up? I had to leave my job over this and I spend all day at home bed bound. I Don't really have anyone to talk with about this who understands. I live abroad, away from my family which is extremely difficult for me at this time, I just want to be at home.

Anyway thanks for reading this. Any insight, or maybe a "get real" slap would be welcome, LOL! I respect and admire anyone struggling with anxiety, it is truly one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced. I just pray I can get through this and get back to my old happy self.

Its great there are forums like this where you can be reassured you are not alone.

Take Care :hugs:

T xxx

[Daisy Sue]

you're definitely not alone!!

so sorry to hear you're feeling like this again, but please don't be mad at yourself. there's no sense to anxiety, and just because we get a handle on it to any extent, it can still come back and get us, & make us feel we're back to square one again.

but you're not, you've learned that you can get better than this, and that it's perfectly safe to start eating again, hoping, planning - and you will get back to that level soon, i'm sure.

don't expect too much, maybe try and pamper yourself a little today - hot baths with nice smellies in :)

i hope you feel more in control very soon.

[tasha87]

Thanks Daisy Sue :)

I guess I'm still learning about this, its still hard for me to accept its anxiety causing the majority of my problems.

First it was leukaemia, then it was a brain tumour now its leukaemia again.

I mean where does it end.... I'm driving myself insane.

No bath I'm afraid, I'll have to make do with a long hot shower :)

Take Care

[PinkRoxy]

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through it must be awful.

Have you considered maybe some counselling to talk about what issues you have and how it makes you feel. To let you know I have suffered sinuses all my life too and I practically just about a lot have a sore throat and sinus pain and blocked nose, it just comes normal to me.

Hun if you get sinus problems a lot too then I truly believe that your symptoms you have described would be sinus related, I have glands that pop up too from time to time.

Try not to worry about it too much and if it really gets to the point where you cant cope then I would go back to your GP and talk to them about how this is making you feel and hopefully they can suggest other things to help you out, like maybe counselling. What is CBT? did it help you?

Anyway hang in there and hope you do feel better soon, and try not to worry.

[tasha87]

Hi PinkRoxy,

Thanks for your reply :)

CBT is cognitive behavioural therapy, it is a form of counselling I guess, but it is meant to be very effective in handling anxiety. From what I've gathered so far, it is re training your way of thinking. So we don't let our thoughts spiral out of control and lead to panic attacks/anxiety. I have only had 2 sessions so I'm still learning :)

As regards the sinuses, I feel your pain, my nose is always running and I'm constantly sneezing. I've been sleeping with the air con on recently as its so hot where I am, which probably doesn't help either. But of course being the person I am, I have to contribute this symptom to the others I've had previously and boom. Back to thinking the worst. I try to remind myself I wouldn't have started to feel better if I really did have something very wrong with me, but you know, I don't always succeed unfortunately.

Take Care :)