sarahsaltford
18-01-13, 16:49
I have had moral support/help from NMP for many years it's such a god send, i still have a few minor issues but i am very different from who i was 15 years ago, i sat alone in my home for 10 years with no friends and no one to talk to, i'm lucky to be here, i was desperately lost, a victim of the failures of NHS mental health system, a rape victim, an anorexic, an agoraphobic, i found sanity through years of my own madness, my own brain self hating and bullying me, people with heavy damage or baggage have to learn to be happy with coping and making the best of things, a simple life is better than no life believe me i nearly took option two and it's not something i'd advise anybody to wish for, loss and sadness has featured heavily in my life, i am the type of person who bullies them self, a self hater... I had a moment during a hospital stay last year that made me view myself differently, i nearly died but i was saved for a reason, i believe all the rubbish i have gone through since being abused as a small child through to being raped at 15, being robbed, getting through drug and alcohol abuse, losing my first baby at 39, then nearly losing myself and believe me this is the short version of my life, i've had a hard and eventful life, i am a project to myself, i am forever modifying my views and trying to fix my damage until i am hoping that one day i awake to like what i see staring back at me in the bathroom mirror, until then i live every day for all my friends who have passed, i smile on their behalf even if i feel phobic or stressed, i am still here and i know theres a reason i'm still here, this hope drives me forward, when my agro, ocd anorexia etc got really bad 20 years ago i started writing, 2 years ago i got published, i now want to write to help people and i have a goal, to open a 24 hour farm-hostel to help people with stress related issues, somewhere for people like you and me to go and feel someone understands, i want to use horses to do equine therapy, i started helping horses and it helped with my ocd as you get dirty when you have a horse, it needs you so you have to get dirty, i also want some common rooms with silence, soft music and another with nice films so when people get beside themselves they can just turn up anytime day or night and sit in one of the rooms surrounded by people who understand them, one of the worst things when i was at my darkest times was simply i was alone, there was no where to go, no one to help me, no one to talk to and it made me suicidal, i'm praying i can one day afford my country hostel to help people as it always seems to be the nice sensitive people who need the most help, thankyou No more panic for being there when no body else was, i hope when i get my goal you will support my idea as you know too many people suffer here in the UK and indeed all over the world, i wish everyone well :o)