Feeling depressed, exhausted and think about dead

[LittleSongbird]

Hi everyone

It's not easy for me to suffer from panic attack and nervous disorders. I took twice Dogmatil each day to reduce my worrying but then when I stop using the medicine I got depression. I always obsessed to negative thoughts, and guilty thoughts (just THINK, I don't mean to do it, but It always comes out in my mind). For example: insult Buddha (When I think about him I suddenly think about "F*** Buddha" and then I feel so guilty about that, then I'm sorry him, but then the feeling does not go away and I keep thinking ab that, about the insulting then guilty). Even I get comforted from friends, lover and family that it's okay I still being haunted by it. Then other bad ideas is gradually happening, comes out in my mind or my imagination I don't know. For example look at someone even in my family I have negative thoughts to them, guilty thoughts.

I haven't slept for 2 days and now I feel like no escape and even think about suicide and dead. I don't feel like I have an exit now. I'm hopeless. Exhausted and tired. Please. HELP ME.

[PinkRoxy]

Im really sorry you have been feeling this way. I am like that too I get so down that I feel as though every thought I have is negative and I often think I would be better off dead and its a horrible place to be in.

Is there anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling? Have you told your doctor? I know for me its hard to tell them how Im feeling face to face so I am currently writing it down to give to my doctor.

But I understand where you are coming from and I hope you are able to feel better soon and I think it is important to tell someone about it. I wish you all the best.

[LittleSongbird]

Thank you PinkRoxy. I don't know if it counted as depression. Because when I meet my friends and family and get some positive thoughts I am happy again but just then, when I'm alone the thoughts come and I'm trapped in it. It's hard to escape (but I think I'll try).

I am being haunted by the thoughts that I don't know (intentionally or unintentionally) comes out from my mind, and it is a very very bad idea/thoughts that I swear I never do it in real life. But I THOUGHT ab that and now I can't keep them out of my head. I feel guilty and scared of being punished and fear that I'm a bad person that thinking very very bad things. When I tried to escape that but It raises even more stronger and can't keep them down

P.S: I had Anxiety and Panic disorders before. But when I almost get how to control them, the above thoughts automatically fill in my mind and it obsessed me all the time. Whenever I think about or remember that I immediately feel anxious, worry and depressed.

[cattia]

I am sorry that you're suffering so much. It really sounds as though you are suffering from OCD. It's very common for people with OCD to have thoughts that are upsetting, sometimes thoughts about hurting people, sometimes thoughts that go against their moral and religious beliefs. The good news is that there are some really successful treatments. It's important to get a proper diagnosis as the tteatmets for OCD are slightly different than those for depression. Do you have a Dr or mental health worker that you could talk to? There is a wonderful book called 'The Imp of the Mind' that talks about these kind of thoughts and how to deal with them and the guilt that they cause. Anti depressants and CBT as well as other types of counseling can really help with OCD. I hope that you'll be able to get the help you need soon x

[LittleSongbird]

Thank you cattia. Today I feel better and I think I'm not quite a kind of OCD really, just a little problem in my mind, after a time struggling with anxiety. I get recover by myself, no need doctor or any kind of drug. That I realized sometimes people can and allowed to have some evil or bad thoughts. It's normal. Thank you so much, again :X