WantToBeFreeAgain
19-01-13, 17:45
Hi there,
I'm a woman in my mid-50s who has been struggling with feeling "different" for a very long time.
Only now am I beginning to piece together all the various and sundry symptoms, or ways of being different, and beginning to recognize they're all a part of one big thing. Specifically, I can see now the I'm afflicted with OCD, claustrophobia, agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, avoidant personality disorder and heaven knows what else, with a little PTSD (from childhood abuse) thrown in. I'm also a recovering alcoholic (alcohol became a problem in my mid 40s; in retrospect, I was attempting to self-medicate during menopause, which exacerbated my underlying emotional issues and made life unbearable), but have been clean and sober for six years.
During the 3-1/2 years I was drinking, I awoke on four separate nights, all at around 4 a.m., in full blown panic attacks. I didn't have the pounding chest and feeling of doom; I had acute claustrophobia. The panic seemed to loop back on itself until I felt buried in it and unable to escape. Physically, the symptoms consisted of some sweating and hyperventilating, pretty much what I'd expect if I were buried alive or stuck in an elevator. (I was stuck in my apt. building's elevator a few weeks ago - for the first time in the 16 years I've lived here - and went right into panic mode in two seconds, screaming for help.)
This morning, after several years, I had another panic attack. My eyes shot open at 3:45 a.m. I went out and got my two cats and brought them in to sleep with me. I learned before that having these little beings with me would calm me down -- eventually.
Then, when I woke up for the day several hours later, I felt like crying, and did. That's when I got online and eventually found you all.
What I'm looking for is a way to heal. Can anyone help me?
xo
I'm a woman in my mid-50s who has been struggling with feeling "different" for a very long time.
Only now am I beginning to piece together all the various and sundry symptoms, or ways of being different, and beginning to recognize they're all a part of one big thing. Specifically, I can see now the I'm afflicted with OCD, claustrophobia, agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, avoidant personality disorder and heaven knows what else, with a little PTSD (from childhood abuse) thrown in. I'm also a recovering alcoholic (alcohol became a problem in my mid 40s; in retrospect, I was attempting to self-medicate during menopause, which exacerbated my underlying emotional issues and made life unbearable), but have been clean and sober for six years.
During the 3-1/2 years I was drinking, I awoke on four separate nights, all at around 4 a.m., in full blown panic attacks. I didn't have the pounding chest and feeling of doom; I had acute claustrophobia. The panic seemed to loop back on itself until I felt buried in it and unable to escape. Physically, the symptoms consisted of some sweating and hyperventilating, pretty much what I'd expect if I were buried alive or stuck in an elevator. (I was stuck in my apt. building's elevator a few weeks ago - for the first time in the 16 years I've lived here - and went right into panic mode in two seconds, screaming for help.)
This morning, after several years, I had another panic attack. My eyes shot open at 3:45 a.m. I went out and got my two cats and brought them in to sleep with me. I learned before that having these little beings with me would calm me down -- eventually.
Then, when I woke up for the day several hours later, I felt like crying, and did. That's when I got online and eventually found you all.
What I'm looking for is a way to heal. Can anyone help me?
xo