slight improvement

[maximus1975]

well i made it round my daily walk today which took at least 30 mins, 2 days ago i couldnt do more than 5 mins without having to run home as fast as i can shut the door i get my breathing under control , so i guess theres some improvement there, i guess a few days ago although i was trying to block the thought out of this colonscopy and there must have been some background anxiety there , especially when my dr said they would be looking to see if there was any cancer there my heart started thuding bigtime.
today is day 7 af so i guess my withdrawal maybe getting slightly better,
one thing im really struggling with is the fact i want my old job back it was a really good job not amazing pay but i was bloody good at it , this time last year i was writing for a national fishkeeping magazine , doing lectures and generally enjoying life , then i let booze ruin everything i had several warnings about my drinking but thinking i was so good at my job they wouldnt get rid of me . how wrong i was !!!
i see the shops facebook page all the time and it guts me as i was the one who created it ,someone else is now updating it.
im wondering wether to contact my old boss to ask him if one day there is a chance of me returning to the company? i have serious doubts wether it will happen i would have to be totally sober that is for sure. i made him a lot of money so that is in my favour but on the downside i caused him alot of hassle , as im banned from driving i couldnt go back now even if i wanted to.
god only no's what im gunna do for a new job? i guess i need to get my mental health in better shape first

[starlight78]

Hi maximus, it's so difficult when you compare where you are now with where you were prior to the difficulties. I'm struggling with that a bit at the moment as well. Trying to accept that I've been unwell and that I'm doing ok in the circumstances. Give yourself credit for keepig moving forward in your recovery. The rest will come, but first you need to get well X

[maximus1975]

its just so hard to be positive hun when you realise how badly you have mucked things up, i do get suicidal feelings from time to time but my dr thinks this is fairly normal especially after a disaster 2012 . one thing i would give anything for is to be able and go out and do my hobbies and actually enjoy them for a change the stress levels i get from just going fishing with a few friends is really harsh, the last couple of times ive drank beer to calm myself down , but when i wake up in the morning and people are txting me the fishing was good fun yesterday i no its all false for me coz if i didnt have the booze there as backup i would be a nervous wreck,
its alll very upsetting