NoPoet
22-01-13, 17:38
Hi all, hope everyone is keeping well.
I have made another breakthrough about my illness. I have realised that a lot of my anxiety and procrastination come from the following two reasons:
1. The amount of time certain things take (sense of time pressure). I'm pretty certain this relates to my underlying fear of death, which I think is my main problem. I feel like I should be doing something else, or that I am wasting too much time on one thing.
2. That weird, muzzy-headed feeling that comes from hours of concentrating. It's like a headache that isn't.
I've found that point 1 stops me from taking on new jobs/tasks, or completing existing ones. It leads me to constantly overburden myself as I start lots of things and finish none of them. I find a lot of my hobbies are time-consuming and technical, so I end up not doing any of them. (When I was very ill with anxiety, this led to me spending all day every day obsessing about my illness, which made me worse.)
Point 2 stops me from doing activities that would benefit my life and career prospects. In a sense, it's linked to some fear of change. If I concentrate for hours, or if I exercise, I am afraid of the sensations in my body and mind. I realise that my anxiety is a fear of feelings - physical and mental. I am scared of unpleasant sensations.
A lot of this is probably normal for someone with aspergers. I have been trying to counter it all week by dealing with commitments I was not fulfilling such as my writing course, my fiction website and so forth.
Not sure where I'm going with any of this yet. I guess I know that if I can master my fear of the way I feel, I can do anything. I just don't know how I am going to do that yet.
I have made another breakthrough about my illness. I have realised that a lot of my anxiety and procrastination come from the following two reasons:
1. The amount of time certain things take (sense of time pressure). I'm pretty certain this relates to my underlying fear of death, which I think is my main problem. I feel like I should be doing something else, or that I am wasting too much time on one thing.
2. That weird, muzzy-headed feeling that comes from hours of concentrating. It's like a headache that isn't.
I've found that point 1 stops me from taking on new jobs/tasks, or completing existing ones. It leads me to constantly overburden myself as I start lots of things and finish none of them. I find a lot of my hobbies are time-consuming and technical, so I end up not doing any of them. (When I was very ill with anxiety, this led to me spending all day every day obsessing about my illness, which made me worse.)
Point 2 stops me from doing activities that would benefit my life and career prospects. In a sense, it's linked to some fear of change. If I concentrate for hours, or if I exercise, I am afraid of the sensations in my body and mind. I realise that my anxiety is a fear of feelings - physical and mental. I am scared of unpleasant sensations.
A lot of this is probably normal for someone with aspergers. I have been trying to counter it all week by dealing with commitments I was not fulfilling such as my writing course, my fiction website and so forth.
Not sure where I'm going with any of this yet. I guess I know that if I can master my fear of the way I feel, I can do anything. I just don't know how I am going to do that yet.