isthistheend
23-01-13, 17:40
Hi guys. I want to first of all truly thank you for even opening this post.
I'm 19 years old, been having anxiety issues since I was about 15/16 although when I think back it's always been rooted deep within since I was a child, always nervous.
After suffering bad panic attacks (which essentially put an end to my school/uni days) I started Sertraline at about 16. Eventually the panic attacks subsided at about 18 however, now at 19 I still suffer anxiety coursing through my veins, always present.
I have been taking 20mg of Citralopram for around a year now but finding that although my panic attacks had gone, I still was suffering from bad depression, not being able to get up in the morning, lethargic as a result and just so unmotivated and anxious. As I'm sure you guys here know what a knock on effect that has on the rest of your life, outlook and relationships etc.
Around last week I stopped taking my medication because I didn't feel it was helping. Soon after simply put I had thoughts about seriously ending it all, and that there was NOTHING I could do to better myself. No matter what pill I swallow, no matter how hard I try or push myself, or eat healthy, or work out or socialise. I began to accept I was a 'faulty' human being and the pain inside was so great I must admit for the first time I wanted to self-harm and so I did. Somehow and even now thinking of it, I felt better. I have not done since, and I'm not sure what the purpose of my post is, but does it get better?
I have so much emotion inside me, so many feelings and I truly believe I have something to give but I feel such an overlooked individual in addition to the fact I believe no one truly understands, counsellors and doctors alike. I want to be successful but I don't know how when I have this huge and unfair barrier in the way. Can a strong work ethic and perseverance beat it? Sometimes I try so hard that I feel i'm trying TOO hard and it ends up making me worse.
After my self-harm episode I went to the doctor and I have now been upped to 40mg, I've only been taking them for 3 days now but am feeling more anxious than ever. As a result, as well as having a racing mind that I can turn off I'm constantly thinking of what to do do alleviate this feeling, what am I do wrong that I feel this way, what should I think about to feel normal? How does a normal person think? I guess all these thoughts just put more strain on me but I don't know what else to do :(
I get 'compliments' from people on how I look, how I dress, my appearance, my 'intelligence' etc. but inside I just want to die and never wake up. If only people could see the outside it's so hard. I want to be better but I don't know what I can do.
Does anyone have any tips? Has anyone found anything to help? Whether it be a food, exercise, not over thinking, meditating etc?
I work in Sales (where if I don't sell or perform I make no money) and I have had success in spite of this however I am now aiming to take it to the next level and work for bigger companies but can I put my hand on my heart and say that my anxiety won't get in the way? I want to move forward so much but my will to do so is suffocated by angst.
Thank you all for reading and in advance for your replies.
Let's do this guys.
I'm 19 years old, been having anxiety issues since I was about 15/16 although when I think back it's always been rooted deep within since I was a child, always nervous.
After suffering bad panic attacks (which essentially put an end to my school/uni days) I started Sertraline at about 16. Eventually the panic attacks subsided at about 18 however, now at 19 I still suffer anxiety coursing through my veins, always present.
I have been taking 20mg of Citralopram for around a year now but finding that although my panic attacks had gone, I still was suffering from bad depression, not being able to get up in the morning, lethargic as a result and just so unmotivated and anxious. As I'm sure you guys here know what a knock on effect that has on the rest of your life, outlook and relationships etc.
Around last week I stopped taking my medication because I didn't feel it was helping. Soon after simply put I had thoughts about seriously ending it all, and that there was NOTHING I could do to better myself. No matter what pill I swallow, no matter how hard I try or push myself, or eat healthy, or work out or socialise. I began to accept I was a 'faulty' human being and the pain inside was so great I must admit for the first time I wanted to self-harm and so I did. Somehow and even now thinking of it, I felt better. I have not done since, and I'm not sure what the purpose of my post is, but does it get better?
I have so much emotion inside me, so many feelings and I truly believe I have something to give but I feel such an overlooked individual in addition to the fact I believe no one truly understands, counsellors and doctors alike. I want to be successful but I don't know how when I have this huge and unfair barrier in the way. Can a strong work ethic and perseverance beat it? Sometimes I try so hard that I feel i'm trying TOO hard and it ends up making me worse.
After my self-harm episode I went to the doctor and I have now been upped to 40mg, I've only been taking them for 3 days now but am feeling more anxious than ever. As a result, as well as having a racing mind that I can turn off I'm constantly thinking of what to do do alleviate this feeling, what am I do wrong that I feel this way, what should I think about to feel normal? How does a normal person think? I guess all these thoughts just put more strain on me but I don't know what else to do :(
I get 'compliments' from people on how I look, how I dress, my appearance, my 'intelligence' etc. but inside I just want to die and never wake up. If only people could see the outside it's so hard. I want to be better but I don't know what I can do.
Does anyone have any tips? Has anyone found anything to help? Whether it be a food, exercise, not over thinking, meditating etc?
I work in Sales (where if I don't sell or perform I make no money) and I have had success in spite of this however I am now aiming to take it to the next level and work for bigger companies but can I put my hand on my heart and say that my anxiety won't get in the way? I want to move forward so much but my will to do so is suffocated by angst.
Thank you all for reading and in advance for your replies.
Let's do this guys.