katieloveshoes
23-01-13, 20:44
Hi everyone,
Sorry I havent been around much lately - unfortunatly my anxiety has kicked back into full swing the last week, complete with hours on end of panic attacks chest pains and achy arms. Been impossible to rationalise with myself to the point where I cant sleep without falling asleep through sheer exhaustion of panic.
Its so upsetting and frustration because deep down I know its my anxiety because thats what im calling it, but it still doesnt feel like it every time, each time I dont believe it and each time I work myself into a frenzy and cant think.
Part of my anxiety is down to my parents, theyre both alcoholics and I had to look after them from a young age and watch them slowly get worse and worse. My mother was the first to get worse and go into rehab after attempting suicide and now we have a fantastic relationship, but unfortunately my father is the same now - just completed 6 months of rehab where I reluctantly tried to build our relationship back up again as he kept saying how sorry he was blah blah.. then last week walked out of there and went straight back on the booze.
It would be daft not to relate my bad spell back to this but I feel like im coping. Its a vicious circle.
Im too tired to keep getting myself checked out to see what pain is what but at the same time im exhausted from worry and feel my relationship is straining because all I want to do is work and sleep.
I feel sometimes im having a great day and doing my steps and writing my problems, but these pains in my chest I keep having are just taking over and turning me into a nervous wreck that I'm just going to die.
Starting to get that 'cant cope' feeling back again, and I'm trying desperatly not to go back to the doctors but I cant carry on like this.
Anyone ever feel like camping at a hospital and refusing to move untill they find out EXACTLY what is wrong with you and make it go away and make you return back to how you was before all this??
Sorry for the long post - but thought I should explain why I havent been here and I really really hope you are all doing really well and staying strong!
xx
Sorry I havent been around much lately - unfortunatly my anxiety has kicked back into full swing the last week, complete with hours on end of panic attacks chest pains and achy arms. Been impossible to rationalise with myself to the point where I cant sleep without falling asleep through sheer exhaustion of panic.
Its so upsetting and frustration because deep down I know its my anxiety because thats what im calling it, but it still doesnt feel like it every time, each time I dont believe it and each time I work myself into a frenzy and cant think.
Part of my anxiety is down to my parents, theyre both alcoholics and I had to look after them from a young age and watch them slowly get worse and worse. My mother was the first to get worse and go into rehab after attempting suicide and now we have a fantastic relationship, but unfortunately my father is the same now - just completed 6 months of rehab where I reluctantly tried to build our relationship back up again as he kept saying how sorry he was blah blah.. then last week walked out of there and went straight back on the booze.
It would be daft not to relate my bad spell back to this but I feel like im coping. Its a vicious circle.
Im too tired to keep getting myself checked out to see what pain is what but at the same time im exhausted from worry and feel my relationship is straining because all I want to do is work and sleep.
I feel sometimes im having a great day and doing my steps and writing my problems, but these pains in my chest I keep having are just taking over and turning me into a nervous wreck that I'm just going to die.
Starting to get that 'cant cope' feeling back again, and I'm trying desperatly not to go back to the doctors but I cant carry on like this.
Anyone ever feel like camping at a hospital and refusing to move untill they find out EXACTLY what is wrong with you and make it go away and make you return back to how you was before all this??
Sorry for the long post - but thought I should explain why I havent been here and I really really hope you are all doing really well and staying strong!
xx